It’s time for us to escape the muggy, soup-like weather of New York, where we’re all the more conscious of the fact that with every breath, we are inhaling someone else’s recycled air. Oh mighty Mayor Bloomberg, deliver us from damnation! Or at least from this city’s cursed summer months. If we can eliminate transfats, why not the heat?
Of course, a clever individual might just pack their bags and head for a different climate completely. Take Jeremy Lin, who—with the ever-helpful hand of fan favorite Jim Dolan—may have realized it’s not the heat, but the humidity, when he signed on with the Houston Rockets. But that doesn’t mean New York isn’t without its own acquisitions: The Yankees picked up one of the greatest hitters of all time in Ichiro Suzuki (who’s looking a little grayer these days—distinguished, we say), Rick Rash for the Rangers, Jeff Otah for the Jets and possibly English Premier League veteran Tim Cahill for the Red Bulls. Welcome to town, boys. We hope your managers set you up in an apartment with central air.
Meanwhile, the rest of us just can’t wait to escape from New York, be it by plane, train or Jitney-mobile.
THE KNICKS DON'T LIN
Last season’s New York Knicks sensation is this season’s New York Knicks departure: Jeremy Lin is gone, off to the Houston Rockets. Jeremy Lin says he would have preferred New York, why New York Knicks owner and president James Dolan says he’s feeling hurt and betrayed by the move. Whose side should Knicks fans take?
THE KNICKS DON'T LIN
At the beginning of 2012, when the phenomenon of Jeremy Lin known to many as “Linsanity” hit New York City seemingly out of nowhere, it took the stock price of Madison Square Garden Entertainment (which owns the New York Knicks) with it: Up, up, and away. Now that Lin is leaving the Knicks, what’s happening to MSG chairman James Dolan and Co.’s stock price?
Two weeks ago, Phil Mushnick, a respected veteran sports writer for The New York Post, published a column about the Brooklyn Nets’ new brand identity, as designed with the help of Jay-Z. The team—previously known as the New Jersey Nets—had switched their colors to black and white. “Why not have him apply the full Jay-Z treatment?” Mr. Mushnick suggested, referring to the team’s part-owner. “Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s. The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—hes or Hoes …”
The Mega Millions jackpot might be over, but we’re still waiting to hear who will take ownership of the golden tickets. There seems to be some dispute over who the winners actually are. The winning numbers were sold in Maryland, Illinois and Kansas, but so far no one has stepped forward to stake claim to their third of the $640 M. jackpot. Someone needs to step up, and soon, as we learned from this weekend’s premiere of HBO’s bloody Game of Thrones. Without a clear winner, all you have is confusion and not nearly enough screen time for Peter Dinklage.
We know who we would give the money to: Jeremy Lin, the poor guy. Linsanity lasted approximately a month, in which the Knicks point-guard was the hottest thing since the Rolling Stones showed up in America and pissed off Don Draper. But after a recent knee injury, his career is being put down faster than one of the horses in Luck. Refusing to give up, the basketball sensation is still tweeting about his recovery from the hospital. He’s not out yet!
“They called me a chigger.”
Eddie Huang, the gleefully iconoclastic chef-cum-troublemaker, was in a back room at the Ace Hotel, remembering high school. He’d just finished serving as the host of a Jeremy Lin viewing party for a crowd of the chef’s friends and “three random girls from Twitter.” The wax-paper wrapped bao—the signature Asian bun sandwiches that have been drawing crowds to his restaurant, Baohaus, since December 2009—were long since emptied of their pork-packed glories. The Knicks had fallen to the New Jersey Nets. And Mr. Huang was in a reflective mood.
The Statue of Liberty is Tebowing on the back cover of today’s New York Daily News.
The tabloid has swiftly transferred its hype-mongering efforts from Knicks phenomenon Jeremy Lin to the newest New York Jet, Tim Tebow, promising “Timsanity.”
JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR
In the span of a few months,
1. New York City’s very own Archbishop Dolan becomes a Vatican-ordained Cardinal Timothy Dolan.
2. New York City’s Jeremy Lin, the biggest breakout of the 2012 NBA season, is deemed The New Tim Tebow.
SPORTS AND THE CITY
A few weeks ago we took note of Steinbrenner Syndrome, wherein a New York City sports player or team is only as loved as their last great performance. It’s the disease embedded in the genetic code of New York City’s sports media and fans. Now, as far as Linsanity’s concerned, we can consider ourselves relapsed.
Pity poor Mike D’Antoni, former coach of the NY Knickerbockers.
While you’re at it, pity poor Larry Brown, and poor Lenny Wilkens, and poor Don Chaney, and poor Jeff Van Gundy.