Oberlin vs. Columbia (Tumblr)

Gasp! Shock! Quelle horreur! Did you know that Columbia University students--those fine, Ivy League men and women who only occasionally offer to have sex for money on Sugar Daddy websites in order to pay their tuition--are stealing directly from their institution? It's true! Every week, thousands of dollars goes missing from the coffers at Columbia, and the financial sinkhole's location has finally been tracked to the dining hall, where students are stealing Nutella at a cost of $5,000 a week.

Then again, that's small potatoes compared to those kids at Oberlin who are dressing as Klan members and defacing property with racial slurs, because what?

More on the devastating blow to Columbia's funds thanks to fiending undergrads who just can't get enough of that sweet, sweet hazelnut spread:

According to The Post:

No one expected the Ivy Leaguers to wolf down the snack at the rate of what could cost $260,000 a year.

The problem is that undergrads are not just filling up while in the cafeterias. They’s pilfering it to eat elsewhere.

“Students have been filling cups of Nutella to-go in Ferris Booth Commons,” one of the campus eateries, Dunn said. “And taking the full jars out of John Jay [dining hall], which means we’re going through product faster than anticipated.”

Though as the article is quick to mention, it costs every student $2,363 to eat in the dining halls per semester, which equals $5,260 a year. And since there are 5,000 students who eat in the dining halls every day, that means the total Columbia profit just from their basic meal plan is $26,300,000. That number might actually be higher, seeing as the undergrad meal plan basically forces them to pay for at least 15 meals a week, with two of the three options requiring the payment of 19 meals in the dining hall paid out ahead of time, whether they end up eating them or not.

We think they can afford the hypothetical $260,000 to keep their Italian spread a little less thin, huh?

So this Nutella theft ring seems relatively mild, especially when compared to say, Oberlin College in Ohio, where students have the choice after the first semester to opt out of the dining plan and work in a food co-op, but are still pissed enough to dress like Klan members* outside the Afrikan Heritage House, write anti-Semitic and racist rhetoric on bathroom walls and posters, and basically be the worst people ever, possibly all in an effort to prove some point about free speech. Maybe. Or maybe just to get the day off from classes.

It's tough to explain what would motivate someone to rile up the super-P.C. Oberlin crunchy community unless you actually went there, or happened to read stumble on the Oberlin MicroAgressions Tumblr. Actually, that gives you a pretty good sense of it. Then again, the idea that the perpetrators were part of the MultiCultural Resource Center and wrote all of these hateful things because they were making some sort of statement about how an actual hate crime would make people feel and also we all have the right to do whatever we want (that's what the First Amendment is, correct?) is another good tip-off.

Maybe they just need more Nutella.

*Or just "a lady wrapped in a blanket," or possibly, "a ghost."

David Duke and his dog, in happier times. (Photo: YouTube)

Former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke may hate the Jews, but he sure loved his dog, Torri. When the seventeen-year-old, all-white (naturally!) Maltese died a few months back, Mr. Duke did what any of us would do after the loss of a beloved pet--he filmed a nearly fifteen minute video tribute to the dog and uploaded it to YouTube complete with an emotional folk soundtrack, photos of Torri exploring the great outdoors and musings on the nature of life, death and grief.

Mr. Duke initially made his "Tribute to Torri" private, but he has since relaxed the clip's privacy settings at "the urging of those who met Torri over the last 17 years." We're so glad Mr. Duke chose to share his video, because it's all kinds of incredible. Despite how amazing this video it is, it somehow seems to have escaped the attention of the internet, so we present it to you now. 

"It's been two weeks since Torri died....It still hurts," Mr. Duke explains as the video begins. "Grief actually can be quite wonderful. It heals the soul and it's such a tribute to the spirit that has passed on....I want to express my heart while these feelings flood over me like warm waves. We all, once upon a time long ago, came from the water and the tears that fill our blurry eyes, even against our will, wash us and heal us."

According to Mr. Duke, Torri was an invaluable companion in his crusade against "Zionist-driven Globalism."

"The eternal struggle for our peoples' heritage and our freedom is so hard sometimes. There are so many difficulties on this high, rough road," said Mr. Duke. "Torri would sit by me the countless hours as I wrote books and articles. And it seemed she was always telling me, 'Keep doing your job, I'm doing mine staying by your side.'"

The small dog didn't simply help Mr. Duke by sitting near him. He also credits Torri with being a sounding board as he created his 1998 "masterpiece," My Awakening: A Path to Racial Understanding, in which he purports to provide "compelling evidence that belief in racial equality is the modern scientific equivalent of believing that the earth is flat."

"She truly helped me write my seven hundred page book My Awakening. She was there to listen to me read aloud what I had just written to make sure it had the rhythm and eloquence that I sought. And Torri always looked at me intently when I spoke to her," Mr. Duke said.

Though Torri clearly spent a great deal of time with Mr. Duke in front of a keyboard, she also traveled the globe with him. In his video, Mr. Duke claims he and the dog "explored ancient European ruins" and "climbed at least 500 mountains and hills" together.

"She even secretly made her way in her shoulder bag into places like the Sistine Chapel, and the Louvre and a number of places that her kind were banned," explained Mr. Duke.

Torri's portability was a key part of her appeal to Mr. Duke. In his video he said he chose to get a Maltese, a toy dog breed, because he needed an animal that was "small enough to easily go wherever I went." This apparently raised eyebrows with his friends as carrying a small, toy dog in a man-purse was incongruous with his image as a white nationalist firebrand.

"A few times my friends told me, 'How can you carry around that little, quote, 'fag' dog?' I told them that I was a man secure enough in my heterosexuality that I sure was not going to worry about what people might think," Mr. Duke said.

Indeed, Mr. Duke's life isn't all angry racist rhetoric. His love for animals is just one aspect of his softer side. Mr. Duke also moonlights in "PhotoArt," a discipline he seemingly created himself that involves taking pictures of landscapes and then  using a computer to add "artistic flourish in color, brightness, contrast, composition, line and form to make a truly beautiful photo-artwork that will captivate and inspire you." According to Mr. Duke's website, some of his "PhotoArt" has even "been quietly displayed in European showings and galleries under a nom de plume."

Apparently, in this internet-dominated age, the White Nationalist world, much like the rest of society, is being taken over by Instagram-style digitally-manipulated nature photos and cute animal videos.

Watch Mr. Duke's "Tribute to Torri" video below.

Captain Ray Lewis, in uniform (Johnny Milano)

Despite the amazing pictures in produced during OWS' Day of Action, we here at The New York Observer were wondering about the ethical/legal implications of Philadelphia's retired Captain Ray Lewis—who joined with the protesters the night before Zuccotti Park was raided, and was arrested on November 17th in full uniform—wearing his police-issued garb while joining with the demonstrators.

Now Philadelphia's police Commissioner  Charles H. Ramsey has written a letter to Captain Lewis, along with the Fraternal Order of Police admonishing him for his actions. We spoke to PPD's Public Affairs Officer Lt. Ray Evers, asking him to clarify some of the issues regarding a police officer in uniform while not actively serving.

The letter that Commissioner Ramsey warned Captain Lewis:

"...to immediately cease and desist wearing, using or otherwise displaying any official Philadelphia Police Department uniform, badges or facsimiles thereof or any official departmental insignia.

Be advised that I am prepared to take any and all necessary actions to protect the honor and integrity of the Philadelphia Police Department.”

But what actions could Philly's police department take, when the NYPD hadn't charged him with impersonating an officer? And when was it inappropriate for a police officer to wear his uniform when not actively on duty?

"It depends on the place, and it depends if citizens regard the officer as acting on behalf of law enforcement," Lt. Evers told us over phone today.

"Even though Captain Lewis is a retired officer, every officer knows you have to be middle-road with anything. Some people might be okay with him wearing his uniform during the rally, and he certainly has the right to exercise his first amendment rights...but imagine how people would react if this was a Ku Klux Klan rally and an officer showed up supporting it in uniform. People would go crazy."

Lt. Evers than advised us that the Ku Klux Klan example had been used in the Commissioner's speach earlier this morning.

So there you have it: it's up to the police officers arresting you if wearing your uniform while not on duty is illegal, but ethically, it's equivalent to showing support of the Klan.