Escape to New York
Generally, we try to stay away from Hollywood gossip because a) We are a respectable operation that cannot compete with TMZ.com and Perez Hilton and b) We are not in Los Angeles, so what do you care what Khloe Kardashian is eating right now?
However, sometimes an event is so critical that it transcends the regional and becomes a national news story. Especially when the train wreck may be headed directly towards NYC. That’s right, we are now obliged, as a New York publication, to inform you: Lindsay Lohan is on the run from her rehab engagement–guess that Coachella sobriety stint didn’t take–and she might be making a break for it in the Big Apple.
And while this disturbing news does not have the city on lockdown quite yet, the silver lining is that this Lohandidty (meh, that’ll do) led to perhaps the best newspaper sentence all week, courtesy of The New York Daily News and Lohan’s attorney, Mark Heller.
Poor Pour Rich People
With their 300-percent liquor markups and capricious, power-wielding bouncers, nightclubs are hardly known as bastions of fairness and decency. So it should come as little surprise that they might be charging their customers illegal fees—and no, we’re not just talking about the drink prices. (Seriously though, $18 for a vodka soda? What is this, prohibition?) Read More
Lohan & Order
Oh, if only this applied to Lindsay Lohan as well! A California judge told Mark Heller, Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer for her criminal case stemming from her insane car accident last June, that he had no idea how to practice law. Which is probably what drew Ms. Lohan, who has no idea how to act, into the arms of this silly, screwed-up man.
Sundance Film Festival
Sundance Film Festival, perhaps the most sporty/mainstream of all the cinema fests (Cannes more about getting drunk in the sun and being weird, SXSW is more about being the next Lena Dunham), is currently full swing. Which means that all the celebrities have mercifully vacated the premises for a week and are up in Utah, pretending to know what those white, flaky stuff on the ground happens to be. Though we haven’t seen the film selection this year because we’re still not allowed in NC-17-rated films, we do have our own Grand Jury selection awards to hand out for Excellence in Sundancing. Take a look.
At the Movies
Lindsay Lohan has trouble recognizing her phone in what is either a scene from her upcoming feature The Canyons, or some B-roll of her being confused on-set which was furtively shot by a passive-aggressive Paul Schrader.
If there ever was a week for longreads, this would be it. After Elizabeth Wurtzel’s 5,500-word essay published in New York about crazy landlords/Not Compromising on Life, The New York Times Magazine proved that it hadn’t cornered the market on histrionics. Thus, an 11-page exposé about Lindsay Lohan and The Canyons, the Kickstarter-funded film written by Bret Easton Ellis and directed by Paul Schrader, co-starring porn heartthrob James Deen.
As you can imagine, the piece chronicles what a nice time everyone had on the short shoot—which took place over three weeks last July–with a lot of fond, funny anecdotes. Like the time Ms. Lohan took too many sleeping pills, locked herself in a closet, and refused to come out until Paul Schrader took off all his clothes? That one is great. The pitch-perfect tone was immediately reflected in its blog-snark title, “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie.”
A fine choice, but a little unsubtle. We offer these 10 other titles that would have equally reflected the appeal of such a long, labor-intensive piece of journalism.
2012 in review
This has been a big year for the young Hollywood crowd! Channing Tatum made the cover of People‘s Sexiest Man Alive, Taylor Swift dated both a Kennedy and a New Direction, and Lena Dunham did everything else. But now that the year is coming to an end, it’s time we hand out the awards like “Best Smile” and “Most Likely to Become President” (both go to Ryan Gosling). Give a hand for your 2012 Class of Celebrity Superlatives!
The Pot & The Kettle
Manhattan Madam and former gubernatorial candidate Kristin Davis has a few words of wisdom for struggling starlet Lindsay Lohan: fire your lawyer.
Ms. Lohan was arrested this morning after an alleged “bender” following the negative reviews of her recent flop Liz & Dick. Police say she got into some fisticuffs with Tiffany Eve Mitchell in Read More
Big Apple Idolatry
– Chris Brown wants to poop and fart on lady comedian; deletes Twitter account.
– Charlie Sheen once gave Lindsay Lohan a check for $100,000 to help out with her IRS “debt,” which is one case of the blinded-by-syphilis leading the blinded-by-syphilis.
Last night, Lifetime aired the Elizabeth Taylor biopic Liz & Dick, and the reviews of Lindsay Lohan’s performance–her first since a cameo in the 2010 action film Machete–were unkind. In an email to The Observer, however, Ms. Lohan’s father Michael Lohan defended his daughter’s acting.
Mr. Lohan wrote “I want to say that I watched Mean Read More