At the Movies
Lindsay Lohan has trouble recognizing her phone in what is either a scene from her upcoming feature The Canyons, or some B-roll of her being confused on-set which was furtively shot by a passive-aggressive Paul Schrader.
If there ever was a week for longreads, this would be it. After Elizabeth Wurtzel’s 5,500-word essay published in New York about crazy landlords/Not Compromising on Life, The New York Times Magazine proved that it hadn’t cornered the market on histrionics. Thus, an 11-page exposé about Lindsay Lohan and The Canyons, the Kickstarter-funded film written by Bret Easton Ellis and directed by Paul Schrader, co-starring porn heartthrob James Deen.
As you can imagine, the piece chronicles what a nice time everyone had on the short shoot—which took place over three weeks last July–with a lot of fond, funny anecdotes. Like the time Ms. Lohan took too many sleeping pills, locked herself in a closet, and refused to come out until Paul Schrader took off all his clothes? That one is great. The pitch-perfect tone was immediately reflected in its blog-snark title, “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie.”
A fine choice, but a little unsubtle. We offer these 10 other titles that would have equally reflected the appeal of such a long, labor-intensive piece of journalism.
2012 in review
This has been a big year for the young Hollywood crowd! Channing Tatum made the cover of People‘s Sexiest Man Alive, Taylor Swift dated both a Kennedy and a New Direction, and Lena Dunham did everything else. But now that the year is coming to an end, it’s time we hand out the awards like “Best Smile” and “Most Likely to Become President” (both go to Ryan Gosling). Give a hand for your 2012 Class of Celebrity Superlatives!
The Pot & The Kettle
Manhattan Madam and former gubernatorial candidate Kristin Davis has a few words of wisdom for struggling starlet Lindsay Lohan: fire your lawyer.
Ms. Lohan was arrested this morning after an alleged “bender” following the negative reviews of her recent flop Liz & Dick. Police say she got into some fisticuffs with Tiffany Eve Mitchell in Read More
Big Apple Idolatry
– Chris Brown wants to poop and fart on lady comedian; deletes Twitter account.
– Charlie Sheen once gave Lindsay Lohan a check for $100,000 to help out with her IRS “debt,” which is one case of the blinded-by-syphilis leading the blinded-by-syphilis.
Last night, Lifetime aired the Elizabeth Taylor biopic Liz & Dick, and the reviews of Lindsay Lohan’s performance–her first since a cameo in the 2010 action film Machete–were unkind. In an email to The Observer, however, Ms. Lohan’s father Michael Lohan defended his daughter’s acting.
Mr. Lohan wrote “I want to say that I watched Read More
The Eight-Day Week
Forget Homeland or The Good Wife: the can’t-miss TV broadcast this Sunday night is Lindsay Lohan’s comeback performance (2012 edition) as Elizabeth Taylor in Liz and Dick. The onetime teen queen plays Richard Burton’s own mean girl, in a story that spans the venerable movie star’s life (Ms. Lohan is only 26, but let’s just Read More
The band R.E.M. broke up last fall, but are still spinning off singles from their final record–though they may not be interested in getting back together to shoot videos. What’s a broken-up band to do? Well, there’s always the people who’ll show up for anything that seems arty and grants a paycheck.
Big Apple Idolatry
- Let’s guess who Scarlett Johansson’s new boyfriend is! She was holding hands with him at the Beatrice Inn, and the beau has been described as “dark-haired and slightly taller than her but skinny.” He also “may have been speaking French at one point.”
Big Apple Idolatry
- Extreme Cougar Wives? Sure. We mean, obviously, this is a show that should be on TLC (The Learning Channel) right next to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Abby and Brittany in this year’s upfronts.