You don't own Lena! (YouTube)

- Here's Alexa Chung, Tavi, and Lena Dunham lip-syncing Lesley Gore's "You Don't Own Me" like they were in The First Wives Club or something. For feminism and Obama!

http://youtu.be/_M_hcioeOyk
- Mark Sanchez and Eva Longoria are no more after a month of dating. We have to call our lawyers on this one; celebrity relationship whiplash is real and it hurts, people!

- Anderson Cooper is scared Lindsay Lohan is going to steal his job, just like she stole $5,000 worth of clothing from the Scary Movie 5 set. (They had $5,000 worth of clothing on the set of Scary Movie 5?)

- Meanwhile, Robert DeNiro KNOWS that Leonardo DiCaprio is stealing all of his jobs.

- Jay-Z and Beyonce were unable to trademark the name of their child, Blue Ivy. And when you can't copyright your baby, what's the point of having one, right??

Jon Hamm with a mustache. (YouTube)

— Mindy Kaling was spotted pleading with John Mayer to give his expert opinion on her love life at Koi in the Trump SoHo. We can only speculate that his answer involved calling her genitals racist.

— Jon Hamm plays Aimee Mann's director in her new music video for Labrador:
http://youtu.be/XA1cX-wgMdM

— A bevy of musical greats made a show last night in memorial of Broadway composer Marvin Hamlisch. Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, Aretha Franklin and Itzhak Perlman performed for VIPs including Mike Nichols, Nancy Pelosi, Regis Philbin, Susan Lucci, Sarah Jessica Parker, Alan Cumming, Sheldon Harnick, Mary Rodgers and Paul Shaffer.

— Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez were spotted holding hands while leaving a romantic dinner at Daniel. You know, if you care about that kind of thing.

— And in chair-related news, Clint Eastwood feels bad about making fun of the president, and calls himself a Libertarian. Also he has no respect for tables.
http://youtu.be/7mIC8Nw7LqI

Mark Sanchez (Getty Images)

This month's GQ cover story on New York Jets star Mark Sanchez (not online in full) mentions that "Sanchez hit the front page when a 17-year-old high school student from Connecticut told a gossipy sports site that she met him in a nightclub and they went on a date." The unnamed "gossipy sports site," Deadspin, published photos of the inside of Mr. Sanchez's house (including the blown-up "Broadway Schmo" Daily News cover mentioned in the GQ cover profile) purportedly taken by the 17-year-old. Mr. Sanchez declines to comment on the story.

Don't despair, Deadspin readers--the gossipy sports site is mentioned in the issue, in the author bio beneath a profile of Philadelphia Eagles star Michael Vick written by the site's founding editor Will Leitch.

ddaddario@observer.com :: @DPD_

To Jets owner Woody Johnson, this is an obvious move: He needs to sell PSLs in the new Meadowlands stadium and he wants to sell jerseys. This makes his team a national product. This gets him closer to what he desperately needs this team to be: more popular than the Giants. 

But to a Jets fan? Well, we don't know exactly how to feel about this! It sure will be fun to get a behind-the-scenes look at the team! It certainly will be more satisfying than reading five weeks of Training Camp stories in the tabloids. But do the Jets need any further distractions?

Here's the press release:

HBO SPORTS®, NFL FILMS AND THE NEW YORK JETS JOIN FORCES FOR
A NEW SEASON OF THE ULTIMATE SPORTS REALITY SERIES WHEN
HARD KNOCKS:  TRAINING CAMP WITH THE NEW YORK JETS,
CHRONICLING THE RIGORS AND DAILY DEMANDS OF NFL TRAINING CAMP, DEBUTS WEDNESDAY, AUG. 11, EXCLUSIVELY ON HBO
               
                NEW YORK, March 25, 2010 - HBO Sports, NFL Films and the New York Jets team up for an all-access look at what it takes to make it in the National Football League when HARD KNOCKS:  TRAINING CAMP WITH THE NEW YORK JETS debuts in August.  The first sports-based reality series - and one of the fastest-turnaround reality series - kicks off its five-episode sixth season, presented in HD, WEDNESDAY, AUG. 11 (10:00-11:00 p.m. ET/PT), exclusively on HBO.  Other hour-long episodes debut subsequent Wednesdays at the same time, culminating in the Sept. 8 season finale, with regular encore plays on Thursdays.
                "We are delighted that HARD KNOCKS will be returning this summer and placing the spotlight on charismatic Jets head coach Rex Ryan and his engaging team of proven veterans and emerging stars," says Ross Greenburg, president, HBO Sports.  "As always, there will be plenty on the line for veterans, free agents and rookies alike during training camp.  After last year's postseason run, this is certainly a championship-caliber team with big-name talent.  Get ready for some of Coach Ryan's 'blunt force trauma' behind the scenes with this staff and this talent."
                "HARD KNOCKS has successfully traveled the country over the last several years," says NFL Films president Steve Sabol.  "There have been shows in Dallas, Baltimore, Kansas City and Cincinnati.  Now we've got our act together - we're finally ready to open on Broadway!"
                The cinema verité series will focus on the daily lives and routines of players and coaches as the dynamic New York Jets, who compete in the ultra-competitive AFC East, prepare for the 2010 NFL season.  HARD KNOCKS:  TRAINING CAMP WITH THE NEW YORK JETS will chronicle second-year head coach Rex Ryan and an intriguing mix of high-profile veterans, free agents and rookie hopefuls throughout training camp and the preseason.  Each week, players will experience drills, meetings and fun, while struggling to prove they have what it takes to make the team and make their mark in the NFL.
                "We are committed to being an organization that is open and accessible," says New York Jets chairman and CEO Woody Johnson.  "HARD KNOCKS serves as a tremendous vehicle for fans everywhere to receive unprecedented access and a fascinating behind-the-scenes look as we prepare for the 2010 season.  HBO and NFL Films have an award-winning track record and we are excited about working with them."
                A 24-person NFL Films crew will live at the Jets' training camp, shooting more than 1,000 hours of video over the course of the series.  Camera and sound crews will be given unencumbered access to the players' and coaches' meeting rooms, training rooms, dormitories and practice fields.
                HARD KNOCKS launched with the Baltimore Ravens in 2001, followed by the Dallas Cowboys in 2002.  The series resumed in 2007 with the Kansas City Chiefs, winning a Sports Emmy®.  In 2008, the series returned to the Dallas Cowboys, receiving a second Sports Emmy® for production excellence.  In 2009 HARD KNOCKS spotlighted the Cincinnati Bengals franchise.
                GQ magazine wrote that HARD KNOCKS was reason No. 18 of 73 reasons why "we're living in a new golden age of football," adding that " 'Hard Knocks' might be the second-best thing on television," while Esquire observed, "There's a brilliant late-summer reality TV treat on HBO."
                HBO and NFL Films recently received four Sports Emmy® nominations for last season's "Hard Knocks:  Training Camp with the Cincinnati Bengals," including Outstanding Edited Sports Series/Anthology, Outstanding Camera Work, Outstanding Editing and Outstanding Post-Produced Audio/Sound.  The winners will be announced April 26.

The real tension comes in the stories about tonight's game when Pedro Martinez takes the mound. Martinez said yesterday that his infamous brawl with portly Yankees coach Don Zimmer came about because Zimmer made some comments about Pedro's mom. So, the Post called him.

"What's he talking [about]. What the hell, it's been so long ago. I went on national television the next day and apologized and I said Pedro had nothing to do with the fight, that it was my fault. I can't say anything more. What else can I do? I am not going to kiss anybody's [butt]."

They're more conciliatory over in Jets land this morning, where Mark Sanchez's curious decision to eat a hot dog in the fourth quarter on Sunday is somehow still in the news. The Jets are treating this like a full-blown scandal, and Sanchez is donating 500 hot dogs and hamburgers to a soup kitchen in New Jersey. "Something happened here and I wanted to turn it into a positive," Sanchez told the Post.  Rex Ryan sums it up:

"I was disappointed in it and he certainly wasn't meaning it in a disrespectful way, but I don't want to take anything away from the league, his teammates or the game," Ryan said. "It is unfortunate. We have a great game, run for 300-some yards, have a breakout game, a 38-0 score, get a shutout, and now the focus is on the hot dog."

Your basketball teams should be so lucky. Perhaps the Knicks should have gotten Eddy Curry to eat a hot dog in the fourth quarter of last night's game; they got pounded by the Heat, while the Nets dropped a close one.

The Daily News goes with an anecdotal lead about Steinbrenner looking for a beer amid all the champagne, while the Post goes for something more metaphorical. "When it comes to possessing a thirst for winning World Series, the apple didn't fall far from the Steinbrenner tree. Instead, it hugged the bark on the way down," writes George A. King III.

But what about that beer? Well, fortunately, the Daily News circles back, just like they teach you.

[Steinbrenner] said he did not spray anyone himself but mused, "I would like a beer." Reggie Jackson, standing nearby, said, "I got you, Boss," and quickly returned with a frosty can.

This raises an interesting question: Will everybody start calling Hal "The Boss" as his father becomes less of a presence around the clubhouse? Boss or no Boss, must be nice having The Straw That Stirs The Drink fetch you a drink.

You've also got a whole slew of Alex Rodriguez redemption stories, now that he's finally in the World Series for the first time. It's basically the same story that's been written throughout the playoffs, with the World Series thing tacked on. The Post seems to like that story line quite a lot; it's got Mike Vaccarro doing double-duty with two columns of plaudits.

The Yankees coverage eclipses a bad day for the Giants--whose offense was "reduced to a smoldering rubble of ash" in a loss to the Cardinals--and some more unusual behavior by the Jets. Mark Sanchez decided to eat a hot dog on the sideline in the fourth quarter. "This was no great sin. Sanchez was hungry. The wiener was available," Flip Bondy writes. Then, having run all over the lowly Oakland Raiders, Sanchez and Rex Ryan decided they would give a Gatorade bath to Bill Callahan, an assistant coach. It's an odd move for a routine October win, but Ryan was apparently very, very happy. “This is as good as it gets," Ryan said after the game.

Their two losses to lowly division rivals both made Nielsen's top ten!

The loss to the Dolphins on Monday Night Football last week drew 900,000 viewers, and the overtime loss to the Bills drew almost twice that: 1,802,000 viewers—or 360,400 for each of Mark Sanchez's five interceptions.

Felix Gillette has the full list, and he adds that "while losing twice in one week on national television to division rivals is no picnic, beating NCIS and The Mentalist in the ratings should give Mark Sanchez a big boost of confidence heading into Week 7."

*choking sound*

Last time we checked in with the Jets, they were winning games yet struggling to crack into the Top Ten in the TV ratings.

Now, all that has changed.

This week, in a dramatic reversal, the Jets made our list, not once, but twice! And in true Jets-like fashion, they did so with a familiar style, dropping both games in teeth-gnashing, last second, are-you-kidding-me heart breakers.

While losing twice in one week on national television to division rivals is no picnic, beating NCIS and The Mentalist in the ratings should give Mark Sanchez a big boost of confidence heading into week 7.

(1) Fox-5....ALCS Game 2....2,051,000

(2) Fox-5....ALCS Game 1....1,969,000

(3) CBS-2....Bills beat Jets, 16-13 (OT)....1,802,000

(4) CBS-2....60 Minutes....1,219,000

(5) ABC-7....Dancing with the Stars (M)....1,113,000

(6) ABC-7....Dancing with the Stars (TU)....1,033,000

(7) WCBS-2....NCIS....992,000

(8) WCBS-2....Mentalist....978,000

(9) WABC-7....Grey's Anatomy....976,000

(10) ESPN....Dolphis beat Jets, 31-27....900,000

Top 10 shows in New York, October 12 to October 18, according to Nielsen Data (total viewers, time shifting/DVR not included).

"Frauds." That's Mark Cannizzarro's lead paragraph in the Post. And it's hard to argue--what with all the bluster after their 3-0 start, which is now officially forgotten after a loss to the hapless Bills dropped them to 3-3.

All the stories mention that the Jets' erstwhile savior, rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez, has never actually played in cold weather. It was "brrrutal," says Rich Cimini of Sanchez's remarkable five-interception performace. "Welcome to Northeast football, kid," Cimini goes on. "His palm-tree days are over." But Sanchez didn't blame the weather, and George Willis of the Post says we ought to give him credit for that.

For Eli Manning, yesterday was supposed to have been a homecoming--back to New Orleans, where his dad Archie once piloted the Saints. All your sportswriters seem to like that angle, and they all pair it with a rare outburst from Manning, who blew up at running back Ahmad Bradshaw for missing a block. But the Daily News calls it a "meltdown" and a "temper tantrum," and the Post calls it leadership. 

There's no disagreement about Alex Rodriguez finally leading the Yankees in the postseason. The Times tells us this is "postmodern baseball theater" and that A-Rod is the hero--"one-man story of redemption." No one is quite sure why he's finally playing well at crunchtime. But the Times takes a guess:

The brain has always been the issue with Rodriguez. With a cadre of image consultants, gofers and gurus, he always seemed to complicate things. It is how he differs most from Derek Jeter, the Yankees’ captain and his former buddy, whose uncluttered mind helps him thrive.

I'm sure Jeter will be happy to hear that.

In the Post, Steve Serby tweaks the usual "Gang Green" into "Gang Groan," and tells us to blame them and head coach Rex Ryan. Serby tells us that under no circumstances should we blame this on the Jets' young quarterback, Mark Sanchez. "Don't blame this on 'Sanchise'" reads the headline.

This raises a question that really should have been settled by now. Is it Sanchise or Sanchize? We're in Week Five and there still seems to be some confusion about this portmanteau: Do you take the "s" from franchise, or the "z" from Sanchez? Tough call. If you search the Daily News site, you pull up two articles with the word Sanchize and one with Sanchise. The Post doesn't show any results for Sanchize, so I guess they're going with Sanchise. I'm partial to the Z, personally, so I'm rooting for the Daily News' editors to win out on this one.

In any case, most of this morning's articles--including Serby's--praise the team for playing so well on offense. Sanchez set the bar pretty low in that last game, so everyone was glad he looked decent and didn't turn the ball over. But the real kudos go to new receiver Braylon Edwards, who had a big game only a few days after the Jets traded for him. "That was the one thing we did right last week -- making the trade for him," Ryan said.

Ryan comes in for the lion's share of the blame, since he's been touting himself as a defensive mastermind. The Post called his D "sieve-like" and said Ryan looked "dazed" after the game, which might be why he went for that old saw: "We couldn't stop the run or the pass. Other than that we played great."

There are, of course, plenty of articles about the Yankees this morning, but with a full four days until they play again, let's wait on that.

The real surprise this morning is that the Knicks check in with an interesting bit of news. Apparently, coach Mike D'Antoni has canceled the morning shootaround on game days. "Knicks Change Routine and Cut Commute" says the Times' headline, which goes on to tell us that it would take Al Harrington a full 40 minutes to get from Edgewater, New Jersey to the teams' practice facility in Westchester, and he doesn't need that kind of hassle. The Times doesn't mention that Harrington will make $10 million dollars this year. 

“Just trying to get them with more energy,” said Coach D'Antoni, who has a very young team--with no players over 30.