You’d never know it, but Bill Paxton is becoming quite the nerd hero. He’s producing a graphic novel, Seven Holes for Air, which he hopes to have picked up by a studio so he can direct it. At Comic-Con this year, Tom Cruise pulled him up on stage during a panel for his new Read More
The opening scene of Baltasar Kormákur’s 2 Guns is a rehashing of the “tip or don’t tip” argument from Reservoir Dogs. Undercover DEA officer Trench (Denzel Washington)—close to his big score, the flipping of a major Mexican crime lord—is persuaded by his patsy accomplice, undercover Naval Criminal Investigative Service agent Marcus “Stig” Stigman (a positively gleeful Mark Wahlberg) to stop being a Scrooge and leave an extra $20 at the table for the waitress at a local diner.
Which would be fine, if Messrs. Wahlberg and Washington didn’t then gleefully burn the entire establishment to the ground, mayhem that culminates in a giant fireball explosion that the two men walk away from with the calm swagger of guys starring in a fictional universe where tinnitus doesn’t exist.
Why spend 10 minutes on opening dialogue about a tip that will be burned into ash moments later? It may seem like a quibble, but it illustrates the kind of nagging senselessness that will keep any viewer with half a brain from enjoying this otherwise affable-enough summer popcorn flick.
Last night, at The Cinema Society & Men’s Fitness after party for the premiere of Pain and Gain, Broadway stars Charl Brown and Ariana DeBose were still coming off their high from the night before, when they debuted Motown: The Musical in front of an audience full of the performers being played onstage.
“It was creepy, but also awesome,” said Charl Brown of meeting his real-life counterpart as revelers sipped Qui cocktails.
Wonders never cease. Who ever dreamed I could (or would, even on a dare) sit through a two-hour movie about Mark Wahlberg and a talking teddy bear? Or that I would (or could, even at gunpoint) possibly enjoy it so much? But here is Ted—a genre-screwing Donnybrook that defies description and guarantees, I swear, open-mouthed hilarity. It is refreshingly oblivious to the kind of political correctness that is going to be the death of us all. It is rude, raunchy and repellent to the point of almost being a send-up of the Farrelly Brothers, Judd Apatow, Adam Sandler and the rest of the ozone polluters giving movies a bad name. (Address your complaints to the nearest sewer.) It contains dialogue and depicts situations that cannot be described in a family newspaper—including the ones that are read only by the Addams family. It has nudity, profanity and X-rated detritus unsuitable for anyone with an I.Q. of 50. It is also creative, adorable, ingenious and devilishly, thigh-slappingly hilarious. Do not take my pulse. It must be the heat.
If we were Mark Wahlberg‘s handlers this week, the absolute last thing we’d want to give him was another platform to talk about the September 11th. He’s already apologized for the comments he made to Men’s Journal– you know, where he implied that if he’d been on a plane that was hijacked in 2001 (which he should have been, had he not switched his ticket last moment), “it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” and that “there would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry,’” –which really should be the end of the matter. Let’s all forget about Mark Wahlberg and any (fake) connection he has to that tragic day in U.S. history.
Except that some of the families who lost a member on September 11th think that a more fitting way to make amends would be to use his star power to attract visitors to the 9/11 Memorial Museum.
Yesterday Men’s Journal published some tantalizing quotes from their Mark “Is Anyone Else Still Wondering About That Third Nipple?” Wahlberg profile. Quotes in which Mr. Entourage speculated on how he would have kicked some terrorist ass, had he been on the planes during the September 11th hijacking.
“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” he said in the piece. “There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”
Responding to some less-than-positive feedback for his “grandstanding” (to put it mildly), Mr. Wahlberg apologized today in a statement released to the press.
Mark “Say Hello to Your Mother for Me” Wahlberg might play a rogue vigilante in his new movie Contraband, but his recent boasts in Men’s Journal about how he would have handled the hijackers during September 11th is over the line, according to one widow of the attacks.
The Fighter is the gravel-kicking true story of boxer Micky Ward; his wasted, battered, has-been older brother, Dickie Eklund, who threw away his career in the ring on booze, drugs and whores; and the scabby, loudmouthed trailer-trash family of creeps who drove them both to success and destruction, in equal doses. It’s a boxing comeback Read More
Monday: Garden State
You won’t find Garden State on many Best of the Decade lists, and with good reason: Zach Braff’s film nearly suffocates you with hipster twee. But, still, has anything been more influential on the latter half of the aughts? Without Garden State, (500) Days of Summer and a host Read More
The Lovely Bones
Running time 135 minutes
Written by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson
Directed by Peter Jackson
Starring Saoirse Ronan, Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon, Stanley Tucci
I’m no fan of Peter Jackson, but as much as I hated the 2005 remake of King Kong and all of those silly, Read More