The Four Seasons Restaurant, 99 East 52nd Street, (212) 754-9494, 6:30-9:30pm, by invitation only.

Guy Fieri is so upset! (NBC)

– Jay Z was not "right next to De Niro" the other night at Leonardo DiCaprio's birthday. The Taxi Driver star gave the Jigga a Meet the Fockers-level awkward greeting when Jay-Z tried to approach the King of Comedy only to get rebuffed because he had never returned Bob's phone calls. Even Beyoncé couldn't calm De Niro down. We're not sure whom we would less like to be mad at us, but that sounds like a party-stopper if there ever was one.

- If you want to get angry, here's a video of Gwyneth Paltrow talking about her "writer" personality in a behind-the-scenes look at her new Max Factor ad. Why do we need a behind-the-scenes look at an ad? STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!

- Hilariously, Guy Fieri thinks that The New York Times’s restaurant critic had "another agenda" when he wrote his hit piece about Fieri's Times Square palace of shitty food. We're pretty sure the agenda was just a good Samaritan's public service announcement.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

– Yikes, the Matt Lauer story just keeps getting worse. Like apparently Izzy Povich was passed over for Jim Bell's job because Lauer didn't like her? Steve Capus says the $25-million-a-year host doesn't have that kind of editorial control, but these rumors are getting a little more spiky every day.

– Oh, boo! Aaron Sorkin will not be addressing the Petraeus scandal in next season of The Newsroom, even though he really, really wants to!

Channing Tatum, People's Sexiest Man Alive.

– Wait, does giving Channing Tatum People's "Sexiest Man Alive" superlative mean that it's not going to Ryan Gosling? Again? If not, why not, and why Channing Tatum? And are we talking about Magic Mike Tatum or Dear John Tatum or 21 Jump Street Tatum, because that guy is just so versatile we really don't know?

– Matt Lauer, another "sexy man who is still alive" might be in the process of getting booted from Today, because no one likes how the Anne Curry thing went down and it is Mr. Lauer's fault, allegedly. Also his "brand is damaged," which is the funniest thing to say about someone, when you think about it. It sounds like it should be off of a deleted scene on the Clueless DVD.

– Thank God, dummy: 30 Rock won't be ending without one last appearance from "Beeper King" Dennis Duffy, aka Liz's first boyfriend, aka Cassidy from L&O: SVU, aka the bad things that AllState Insurance is trying to warn you about, aka Dean Winters (his actual name).

– Jason Biggs and his wife really need to have their Twitter accounts suspended during election cycles.

– Not only will Anchorman 2 be a musical, but it was originally designed to be a Broadway musical. Were the returns for the Elf musical so bad that Adam McKay just decided to scrap the idea and make a feature film instead?

Apparently, Mr. Lauer is trying to fix the show by “basically executive-producing,” berating staff for “not trying hard enough” and not letting anyone even mention Good Morning America. Today is expected to lose out to their ABC rival for the third week in a row.

“Matt’s turned into an anchor animal,” a network source told the Post. “He’s making all editorial decisions, he’s running the show and he’s not listening to anyone . . . it’s a huge problem.”

“Please print this story — it’s the most interesting and dangerous I’ve ever sounded!” Mr. Lauer urged the Post.

We don’t know about Mr. Lauer, but an “anchor animal” doesn’t sound very dangerous to us at all. It sounds more like an impeccably groomed animal that wears a suit, sits behind a desk and alternates between reading the news and chatting with celebrity guests.

Al Roker, spicy (NBC)

Who would have thought Al Roker had a snarky side? During Today’s segment this morning on the Olympic women's rowing team, the usually jolly Mr. Roker made a thinly veiled dig at Matt Lauer for not standing by their co-star Ann Curry when she was abruptly fired in June.

http://youtu.be/VvgrlyWrU5A
Mr. Lauer noted: "The tradition here in New York is that you throw her in the Hudson River."
To which Al "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner" Roker: "Which is different than in our tradition, which is to throw one of us under the bus. But that's another story."

Then everyone chuckled uncomfortably and Mr. Roker segued into the weather report.

Olympic flame (screengrab)

Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle crafted an epic opening ceremony for the 2012 Summer Olympics. It was filled with uniquely British pageantry, drama, great music and classically quirky humor. At least American audiences afflicted with NBC's tape-delayed coverage of the Friday night spectacular think Mr. Boyle accomplished this. We can't be sure, because the consensus online seems to be that NBC's tape-delayed coverage of the Opening Ceremony was terrible. Screen Rant was pointed:

Appropriately complaining about not being able to watch the Olympic Ceremony live with the rest of the world, many complaints quickly turned to the abundance of commentary that was provided by Today Show hosts Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer – and later NBC Sports commentator Bob Costas, taking over for Vieira. Stepping over many of the beautifully crafted moments of the Opening Ceremony, it was almost impossible for anyone to have appreciated Boyle’s carefully planned program the same way they could have if it was aired live, uninterrupted, and without such substantial commentary.

Criticism of Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira and Bob Costas on social media outlets like Twitter was blunt. British journalist and broadcaster Charlie Brooker noted one peculiar wince-worthy quirk in the coverage:

Tell you what though, Britain. You'd love the NBC commentary.Ceaseless, grim list of just how troubled each individual nation is.

— Charlie Brooker (@charltonbrooker) July 28, 2012

Buzzfeed's Andrew Kaczynski was straightforward:

This NBC color commentary is exceptionally bad.

— Andrew Kaczynski (@BuzzFeedAndrew) July 28, 2012

Mr. Kaczynski later linked a video clip (now removed from Youtube) that demonstrated how amusingly bad the commentary was. Referring to a scene with  current James Bond Daniel Craig that culminated in Queen Elizabeth appearing to parachute into the venue from a helicopter, Meredith Vieira seemed unaware of the etymology of the term "money shot," saying, "... [The] money shot tonight, the one that I think went viral, was the one with the Queen."

NBC's decision to not offer a live stream of the ceremony was, in hindsight, made for the worst possible reason. The broadcaster's explanation, as reported by the Los Angeles Times:

"We are live streaming every sporting event, all 32 sports and 302 medals," an NBC spokesman wrote in an email to Show Tracker. "It was never our intent to live stream the Opening Ceremony or Closing Ceremony. They are complex entertainment spectacles that do not translate well online because they require context, which our award-winning production team will provide for the large prime-time audiences that gather together to watch them.

The "context" provided wasn't confined only to using terms more common to porno flicks to describe a scene involving the Queen. Meredith Vieira confessed at one point (with no apparent embarrassment) that she'd never heard of the creator of the World Wide Web, Sir Tim Berners-Lee. HuffPo's Ethan Klapper recorded the moment for posterity. (Update: by Saturday afternoon Vimeo had removed the video clip of Ms. Vieira's commentary, which was originally embedded below.)

Other enjoyable moments of "context" as witnessed by the Observer:

- Bob Costas, noting that Luxembourg is actually the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, innocently asked, "why don't they march in the 'g-spot'?" Mr. Costas was referring to the nation's proper alphabetical position as its Olympians entered the stadium.

- Mr. Costas's "context" for Australia: the country was "originally founded as a penal colony..."

In a serious vein, Deadspin reports NBC also censored a tribute to the victims of the 7/7 terrorist attacks and aired a Ryan Seacrest interview with Michael Phelps in its place.

Emma G. Keller, writing for the Guardian, said the Peacock turned three and a half hours of action "into four and a half hours of tedium." Noting that #nbcfail had begun trending on Twitter, Ms. Keller wrote that the hashtag was "an award rightly earned."

Ms. Curry at Cannes.

Today host Ann Curry has hired attorney Robert Barnett to represent her in negotiations with NBC as the network transitions her to a new job within the company, reports The New York Times.

Morning show watchers think Ms. Curry and her recently re-upped co-host Matt Lauer's lack of chemistry has contributed to the longtime front-runner getting beat by rival Good Morning America this spring.

Her most likely replacement is 9 a.m. host Savannah Guthrie, and Ms. Curry is said to be interested in a newsier post, perhaps as a foreign correspondent. Mr. Barnett brokered a similar deal for Christiane Amanpour, who left ABC's The Week and became a "global affairs anchor" at the network, as well as an anchor at CNN.

They say she'll be out by the Olympics.

Waterworks: The tears start flowing early from Gristina before the first minute, when she talks about her youngest son coming to visit her in jail, where she's been for the last four months. She tells Lauer: "He cried the whole time and begged to stay with me."

Vocals: Her voice is surprisingly sweet. She sounds like Kelly McDonald in the trailers for Brave.

Omerta: The first and most crucial point comes in around 4:43, when Gristina's vaguely-noted "loyalty" is noted by Lauer without interruption—a savvy move on his part—as he speeds on to the second half of the question: Do you feel those you've been loyal to have been loyal to you? Gristina responds that she hasn't been in contact with anyone so she wouldn't know. Oh really? In a New York Post piece in which reporter Jeanne MacIntosh disclosed her prior relationship with Gristina, she told the reporter of a conversation she had with a friend tied up in the prosecution of madam Kristen Davis' case:

Asked if she knew the conversation was being recorded, she said, "No, but apparently it was."

Gristina most certainly knows who's loyal to her these days, and who isn't. To enter the idea of loyalty into the conversation would appear to acknowledge its need, but to deny it outright would've appeared silly, too. Lauer's question was smart; Gristina's response was smarter.

Powerful Men: Lauer asks if she knew anything about the powerful men the D.A. quizzed her on during the initial interrogation. The lawyers stop her from answering that and volley with Lauer. For the entirety of that question and the lawyers' answers that followed it, Gristina's face looked like this:

She didn't say a word.

Interrogation: Gristina is asked about how she was questioned. Interestingly, she explains that

Lawyers: Definitely there, definitely making sure she wouldn't comment on the accusations. Take a look at this:

Match.com's Would-Be Competitor: Matt Lauer didn't exactly have to do hard-hitting interrogating to get the lawyers to speak up. For example, when asking of the matchmaking service Gristina contends she was running:

Matt Lauer: Would this include married man looking to have someone to have dinner with?

Anna Gristina: Very much like Match.com.

Matt Lauer: Would it also include married men looking for someone to have sex with?

Ponytailed Lawyer: I think we've answered that question. 'Very much like Match.com.'

Matt Lauer: If I say to you, 'Had you ever connected a married man—or any man, for that matter—with a woman in a matchmaking service,' have you done that?

Ponytailed Lawyer: Our response would be 'You sound like the Manhattan District Attorney's office.'

If Matt Lauer sounds like the D.A. in an interview like this, someone is doing their job incorrectly. Or correctly. At this point, it's hard to tell. Also:

Matt Lauer: So you won't say to me at all whether you have been involved in running any kind of legitimate, legal dating service in the past?

Ponytailed Lawyer: Given the state's allegations in this case, we'd be fools to answer your question.

So what did they answer? Again: It's hard to tell.

The Law Enforcement Connections: At one point Lauer asks about the wiretaps the D.A. reportedly has in their possession from the five year-long sting, wherein, Gristina is heard boasting of her connections to law enforcement. The lawyer responds that if the D.A. has them, they want to hear them (as they haven't been released to the defense lawyers as evidence), explaining that they won't "try this case by innuendo." Lauer counters that he's never been heard bragging about knowing cops in the event that he were arrested. The lawyers explain that Lauer's probably said a lot of things that could be made to sound "sinister." To which we'd counter: Maybe by Scientologists?

Finally, one of her lawyers, Pete Gleason—a former NYFD fireman who took the case pro-bono, and is putting his loft up for Gristina's bail, and who contends doing so is just an act of good samaritanism—was also interviewed by Lauer. And that was a separate trip in and of itself.

Lauer's interview can be seen here:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek

Matt Lauer(s)

The sweltering pre-summer heat has begun to settle upon our fair city. In the season during which New York’s every nook and cranny teems with sweaty tourists, true city folk gather their kaftans and swim trunks, and head for the hills. The sandy hills of Main Beach, that is.

Fetching our long-hibernating car, we were pleased to find it still filled with the detritus of last summer. A slightly deflated sunhat, a beloved pair of flip-flops, a tube of now suspect sunscreen. We smiled, remembering with sandy fondness of our time Out East. Yes, while the city has its undeniable boons, nothing can quite compare to the Talkhouse late, late on a Saturday night, nor the peculiar shock of seeing endless George Hamilton clones strolling the bucolic streets.

Suffering through city traffic, and the doldrums of 495, we finally emerged on Route 27 where droves of convertibles wove between the trucks, each unnecessary acceleration screaming, “I’m getting to the Hamptons faster than you, just watch!”

Practically suicidal after hearing “Call Me, Maybe” a full six times on the radio, The Observer lost reception and exited the highway where congested interstate turned to into congested country road. Memorial Day weekend in Southampton, was, as expected, crowded. Women in airy maxi-dresses appeased screaming children with ice-cream; teens shopped the Soho-esque boutiques; young beaus in bright, patterned (ducks, flowers, whales, anything) swimmies showed base-tanned thighs; South Fork natives, wearing indignant athletic shorts and T-shirts, eyed their summer prospects.

We drove to Cooper’s beach, that riotous stretch of ostensibly public coastline which demands a $40 dollar daily parking fee. Barefoot, we traversed the sand and took a dip in the still-frigid waters, officially baptizing summer 2012. Basking in a beach-chair, we noticed that while our season had only just begun (as evidenced by our sadly pallid skin), others already seemed accustomed to the littoral tableau.

Salty-haired kids were busy digging holes at the water’s edge, entirely oblivious to the cold. Umbrellas partially shaded a group of buff (guy) and coquettish (girl) lifeguards, making it difficult to parse the group’s surely brewing summer romances. Our reverie was cut short, however, when a young beachgoer, packing up for the afternoon, whined as he headed toward the parking lot carrying a beach chair. “Mom, is there any way to open the Mercedes trunk from your cell?”

Leaving the beach, we drove along the country lanes, peering at the houses.

As we drove up Elm Drive, a convoy of valets heralded our arrival at the Hamptons magazine fête.
“Happy Hamptons!” A chipper reporter greeted friends, awaiting the arrival of the magazine’s most recent coverboy, Matt Lauer. While Today Show host was running uncharacteristically late, his likeness was broadcast throughout the venue. Copies of the magazine were arranged on tables for guests to peruse, and purported VIPs (housewives, real and otherwise) posed alongside posters of Mr. Lauer’s boat-shoes-and-khakis cover shot.

Bobby Flay tried to skulk in unnoticed, but was promptly called back to the step and repeat.

Peter Brant Jr. was in attendance, behind a pair of oversize sunglasses as he posed for photos with friends. “Now lets see one with a big smile,” a photographer said, wishfully. But Mr. Brandt maintained is cool countenance.

Trying to talk over the incessant gum popping, we spoke to model Julie Henderson, who shared her thoughts on the Hamptons. “I’m a resident here, for the summer” she explained. While Ms. Henderson stays in Southampton, she assured us there was no inter-Hamptons rivalry. Still, she prefers her own enclave. “I just think it’s cuter,” she said. Moreover, Ms. Henderson believes most people have quixotic vision of Long Island, believing the hamlets to be unrealistically opulent.  “I don’t find it to be really luxurious, in a way that people probably that don’t come here see it,” she told The Observer. “It’s very relaxing. I can bike to the beach.”

Others, however, found the Hamptons have waned in recent years. “I would say in the past ten to fifteen years things have changed drastically here,” Fern Mallis said. “The influx of all these people form Wall Street and from Europe, and the amount of money that people are spending here,” she said, were reasons why the community was indelibly reshaped. “This used to be a place where all the artists and writers and everybody could come and work and afford to live out here, and it’s very difficult for them now,” she said.  “Farms are going and all the land is going, and it’s getting really crowded.”

In particular, Ms. Mallis bemoaned the Hamptons’s epicurean scene, and said she was most looking forward to simple dinners at her home this season. “It’s crazy going to the restaurants in the summer! You know I don’t do the, ‘Do you know who I am? Get me a reservation!’ trick.”

Still, she was confident that the Hamptons holds some intrinsic value that opportunists and hedge funders can not diminish. “It’s still a beautiful place. No matter what happens, they can’t change the light and the air and the color and all the special things here.”

At last, Mr. Lauer arrived, apologizing for his tardiness. Though humble and unruffled, he made it clear this was not his first rodeo. He smiled at the cameras, affably chatting with the wide-eyed press and answering questions from indiscriminate outlets. He discussed his family’s newly acquired Water Mill farm, and his dreams of turning it into an equestrian oasis for his wife and kids.

Mr. Lauer, however, does not ride himself. “You know, I love things like golf and I love things like tennis, and I watch people get banged up riding horses all the time. If I did it, I’d want to kind of do it peddle-to-the-metal, and I think I’d probably end up in a body cast,” he told us.

Looking down, we realized Mr. Lauer was wearing loafers without socks. It must be summer! “You know, even though we didn’t have much of a winter out here I’m still thrilled that the warm weather’s here,” Mr. Lauer said. “This is the time we look forward to all year.”

Too true!

editorial@observer.com

Katie Couric (Getty Images)

Onetime queen of the morning Katie Couric is reclaiming her throne--for one short week. She'll be guest-hosting Good Morning America for the week beginning April 2, as part of her new utility-player duties at ABC in the leadup to her new chat show, Katie, in the fall.

This comes at a pivotal time for morning news, as Ann Curry reportedly is losing or has lost the esteem of her colleagues at Today (where she occupies Ms. Couric's old seat) and Matt Lauer ponders whether he can get more money elsewhere. A world-beating week for ABC might raise blood pressures among Today producers accustomed to first place.