When Ms. Cyrus, wearing a black leather biker jacket over a flowing white dress, arrived at the Soho restaurant to celebrate Cosmopolitan’s March issue, even those who were on the list acted the part of fangirl, rushing to grab cellphone pictures of the issue’s cover girl as she sprinted through the crowd and into the waiting arms of new editrix Joanna Coles.

(It was a big week all around for Ms. Coles, as she starred in last Friday’s episode of CBS’s new reality show The Job, on which contestants vied for the “coveted” role of editorial assistant at Cosmo.)

The point of the party, which fell at the tail end of Fashion Week, was to celebrate the first issue that was completely under Ms. Coles’s command, and the night was all about reinvention—both for the 20-year-old pop star and the 127-year-old magazine—even if the event felt more like a hyped-up teenybopper dream than a typical magazine relaunch.

Music blared, the dance floors were lit up, cocktails and pickled radishes were passed, and images from Ms. Cyrus’s photo shoot were projected next to the lower-level dance floor. Expecting a media party, the few reporters who actually made the guest list—invites were in short supply—looked overwhelmed.

“The party stole a lot of thunder from Fashion Week because it was so different,” said Michael Clinton, Hearst’s marketing and publishing director.

Ms. Coles, who took over from former editor in chief Kate White last September, came from Marie Claire, the thinking woman’s lady mag, and she is widely expected to bring a touch of the serious to Cosmo’s breathless coverage of sex positions.

“Joanna has moved very fast,” Mr. Clinton told Off the Record, adding that the publication’s April issue will be another “blockbuster” and will feature a 40-page magazine-within-a-magazine guest edited by Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg. According to executive editor Joyce Chang, it will be Cosmo’s first-ever career supplement.

“I would ask you to re-engage with the magazine. Over the next year, I’ll be making changes,” Ms. Coles said at a luncheon she hosted back in November. “I’ll be hitting all of you up for ideas, your advice, your tips for younger readers.”

So what better venue for the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana to showcase her new, all-grown-up persona?

“She’s a career woman at the top of her game,” Ms. Chang told OTR. “She’s fun and fearless.”

Ms. Cyrus poses defiantly on the cover, wearing seemingly nothing but long and slightly punkish jewelry beneath a white suit. One coverline proclaims, “It’s Miley, B*tches ... I’ve never faked anything.” Inside, special bonus covers speak to the evolving image of the actress, who rose to fame on the Disney Channel. One alternate cover shows Ms. Cyrus, wearing a black suit-dress (also with nothing underneath) and a snarling expression, with the tagline: “I’m not a girlie girl.” The other shows the former child star playfully bent over, lifting up a gray silk skirt, obviously wearing a bra underneath (her white blouse is see-through) and the pull quote: “I never played the Disney game of smiling and being a princess.”

While we don’t know whether any of the women who were in attendance at Ms. Coles’s luncheon last fall took the bait, it’s clear from the latest issue, not to mention the choice of cover girl, that the magazine is skewing young.

Naturally, the latest issue covers sex—it’s still Cosmo, after all—but the corresponding coverline testifies to a softer side of the bedroom story: “Your Best Sex Ever! 20 Moves From Cuddly to Crazy.” And the moves definitely tend more toward the cuddly.

Other features include “Threesome Confessions: totally awkward!” and “The 3 Words You Must Never Say to a Guy.” (Spoiler: they’re “I look fat.”) There are wardrobes for every budget, but the clothes are generally geared toward the medium to upper end of a Smiler’s allowance rather than the budget of a 20-something assistant with a credit card. And even though Ms. Cyrus isn’t wearing a bra on the cover—which is perhaps the raciest thing about the issue—the magazine looks like something that Miley’s fans wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to read in front of their parents at the breakfast table.

Which, from a marketing standpoint, is probably a good thing, since these Smilers appear to be awfully suggestible.

When the March issue hit newsstands, Ms. Cyrus tweeted at her 11 million followers to take over the newsstands by repositioning Cosmo so that it covered all other titles: “Lets play a game! All my fans go and put my @Cosmopolitan in front of all the magazines at the store!!!!!! Send me pics haha!”

The guerilla marketing tactic, which looks like a stunt masterminded by Adbusters, worked with a decidedly more commercial audience. The enterprising Smilers even created a hashtag, #BuyMileysCosmo, and tweeted and ’grammed their photos of newsstands across the country plastered with the pink Cosmo cover.

Like companies everywhere, Cosmo has been trying to use the power of social media to promote its content. But this marketing ploy was the work of an even more savvy social media presence: Ms. Cyrus herself.

“We couldn’t have planned it,” said Mr. Clinton, who thanked Ms. Cyrus for the publicity when he saw her at the party. “I told her we have to learn from it.”

You could never tweet a picture of yourself dressed as a slutty Christmas Barbie who appears to have been left on top of the radiator for too long, but Courtney Stodden can. Maybe that's why she has so many followers than you.

So go on, indulge in the gluttonous feast of celebrity schadenfreude/jealousy. It's a better outlet for your self-loathing and frustration than that annual passive-aggressive fight with your father, at the very least.

Harry Brant strikes a pose for the cameras at Emporio Armani's flagship store opening.

Despite that Harry Brant has barely cleared puberty, the social-buzzing, babygay spawn of model Stephanie Seymour and billionaire media/art/real estate tycoon Peter Brant, has a busy schedule that rivals those of Paris Hilton and Olivier Zahm. This past Friday at Emporio Armani’s 601 Madison Avenue boutique opening, we approached the 16-year-old high school sophomore to find why is he out socializing with Roberta Armani, Luigi Tadini, Ms. Hilton, Ricky Martin, Ryan Lochte, artist Rashaad Newsome, Anna dello Russo and Kate Lanphear, when he should probably be cracking those Algebra books.

“What have you been up to today?” we asked.

“I went to Rag & Bone. I liked it,” replied Mr. Brant, smiling profoundly.

“What are you doing at Armani?”

“I’m here for the clothes!”

“Are you going to be at any of the parties later? John Varvatos? Jason Wu?” The Observer prodded.

“Um tomorrow is Carine [Roitfeld]’s party,” he replied.

“So have you started school?” we questioned, suggesting he should be at home studying.

“Yes, today I went to Rag & Bone and then I went on a field trip to the aquarium with my school.”

“How do you balance your social schedule with school?” we asked.

“I mean, I’m pretty much like a modern-day Hannah Montana!” Mr. Brant said.

Does that mean Mr. Brant is living a double life? Is he secretly a world famous pop star? And since when did being a spoiled billionaire socialite boy constitute as a “normal teenage girl?”

Before he could clarify, a chaotic pack led by Cory Kennedy and Ms. Hilton stumbled drunkenly into the fiesta.

The Observer quickly grabbed a few glasses of water and offered them to Ms. Kennedy and her coterie, who more than needed it. Then we were off to rowdier pastures.

It's cool, Miley, we know that dude is lying.

Los Angeles police were called to Miley Cyrus's home in Studio City, California early Saturday where they confronted an allegedly scissor-wielding man who claimed he was married to the singer.

Police told the Associated Press that "employees" in the residence made the call. When the authorities arrived, the man met them at the door.

Officers didn't believe the man, identified in one report as Jason Luis Rivera, when he claimed he was intimate enough with the 19-year-old singer to hang out in her house at 4 a.m., carrying scissors--that'd be strange even if couple really was married. So, inevitably, things got weird:

[Los Angeles police Lt. Brian] Wendling says the suspect then repeatedly threw himself against an outside wall as if he was trying to break into the house. Cyrus was not home at the time.

Police say Mr. Rivera, age 40, attempted to hide in nearby shrubbery, to no avail.

The Observer uncovered a MySpace page for a Jason Luis Rivera who closely resembled the man seen in the photo published by OnTheRedCarpet.com. He listed his occupation as "poet" and his top three friends were ideal sister wives for the alleged delusional stalker about town: Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Amanda Bynes.

As of Saturday afternoon, the intruder had not been formally charged.

Here are our picks for the very most of this month’s Elle, Lucky, Glamour, InStyle, Harper’s Bazaar and Marie Claire. (Vogue, as usual, will arrive fashionably late.)

Best Cover: A purple-hair-era Katy Perry on Elle takes the prize, if only for the very au courant nail art. (She still manages to squeeze her “Jesus” tattoo into the shot, though.) Given that the culture at large spends September shaking sand out of its beach tote, very few of this month’s cover stars—Jennifer Lopez, InStyle? Still?—have an imminent project to promote. (And Victoria Beckham, in a bubble bath on Glamour, isn’t even wearing clothes.)

Most Nostalgic: Harper’s Bazaar, in a cover line, advises readers to “Think Pink!”—a line from Funny Face, the movie based on Diana Vreeland and Richard Avedon’s time at Bazaar. (Cover girl Gwen Stefani, you’re great, but you’re no Audrey Hepburn.) Ms. Vreeland’s time at the magazine is elucidated in a piece that uses the word “Vogue” zero times. (Some anti-Vogue rancor is discernible at Glenda Bailey’s magazine: Another former Voguette, ousted French editrix Carine Roitfeld, gets a glowing profile in Bazaar.)

Best Editor’s Letter, Lede Division: “Naomi Wolf wants you to feel good. Really good,” writes Roberta Myers in Elle. (The feminist firebrand is profiled there and has a piece in Bazaar on dating.)

Best Editor’s Letter, Unintentional Revelations Division: Joanna Coles describes regretfully turning down her dream job as a journalist covering Parliament in the Marie Claire supplement @Work, which features Chelsea Handler on the cover.

Most Unlikely Suggestion: In her capacity as Glamour guest editor, Ms. Beckham writes that she suggested some future cover subjects from the indie-film universe: “Chloe Moretz, Clémence Poésy, Bella Heathcote ...” Maybe if Jessica Simpson falls ill!

Least Fortuitous Timing, Celebrity Division: Kristen Stewart, interviewed pre-cheating-scandal by InStyle. On Cartier’s Juste un Clou bracelet: “It reminds me of the person who gave it to me.” She wanted, and likely still wants, to go on a “very secluded” Mexican vacation.

Least Fortuitous Timing, Cinema Division: Both Elle and InStyle feature sneak peeks at what would have been this winter’s biggest movie, The Great Gatsby. After the magazines went to press, Gatsby was delayed until summer 2013.

Best Logroll: Marie Claire’s nine-page package on Project Runway, a show that features the magazine’s fashion director Nina Garcia. Before suggesting Runway-inflected trips to Parsons and Burger Joint, the author notes, “Sex and the City isn’t the only show that boasts the Big Apple as a main character.” Sure isn’t!

Best Advertising Opportunity: Justin Bieber’s perfume sponsored some of Lucky’s stickers (used to point out must-buy items—like Pinterest, but monthly!), as did uplifting toiletry brand Dove. Thanks to the good folks at Unilever, you can label Eva Longoria’s shorts “brave,” “graceful” or “STRENGTH.” [sic.]

Best Homage to Something Else Popular: Glamour informs us: “Hey, it’s okay ... to own 50 shades of gray ... cashmere sweaters.” Meanwhile, Elle titles its Katy Perry profile “Girl on Fire,” a reference to The Hunger Games, while Miley Cyrus is now getting magazine cover profiles solely in her capacity as Liam Hemsworth’s fiancée, also a nod to The Hunger Games. (Jennifer Lawrence clearly wasn’t available.)

Most Ubiquitous: Who knew Lana Del Rey was such a trendsetter? She gets a full-page spread, “Let’s All Look Like Lana!,” in Glamour (looking like Lana means having long hair) and is cited as a nail-care icon in Elle. Meanwhile, Solange Knowles, noted sister of Beyoncé, gets a photo shoot of her house in Elle and a two-page spread on her style evolution in Glamour.

Biggest Vitamin-Related Exclusive: “I wake up at 7 a.m., I shower, shave, eat breakfast, and have a double espresso, a cigarette, vitamins,” Marc Jacobs tells Marie Claire. “I wake up, have a double espresso and a cigarette, then I shower,” Mr. Jacobs tells Glamour.

Biggest Web-to-Print Leap: Fashion blogger Bryanboy, citing Carly Rae Jepsen in Glamour, a magazine that elsewhere features the “Shit Girls Say” video stars and the “Man Repeller” blogger.

Biggest Print-to-Web Synergy: InStyle has enlisted Katie Couric and Tommy Hilfiger as celebrity “Pinners” for their Pinterest pages; Mr. Hilfiger notes he is inspired by “classic autumnal colors.”

Biggest Print-to-Book-to-Print Leap: Elizabeth Wurtzel, for Harper’s Bazaar: “I want everyone to try as hard as I do to please be gorgeous, because it’s not that hard, girls. Looking great is a matter of feminism.”

Most Horrifying, Unsurprising Revelation: Lucky’s oral history of Guess reveals that Paris Hilton keeps a blow-up of her early-2000s jeans ad next to her bed.

Most Compelling Subhed: “Guest editor Victoria Beckham’s dear friend and go-to hair guy, Ken Paves, is on a mission to help at-risk women. Love that.”

Best Use of Profile-Speak: Miley Cyrus, per Marie Claire, is “a 19-year-old firecracker with washboard abs, a smoky laugh, and a filthy mouth.” Elsewhere her voice is described as “tangy and redolent of her native Nashville.”

Most Disconnected From Readers’ Reality: “Everyone I know with taste gets plates from Heath Ceramics,” says Jessica de Ruiter, stylist, in Lucky. “They use them at Axe.” (It’s pronounced “a-shay.”)

Biggest Indications Fashion Magazine Readers Aren’t In It For the Fashion: When asked, an Elle reader notes her biggest wish is not the Bottega Veneta dress Ms. Perry wears on the cover but “my mother’s love and my father’s approval”; a Glamour reader poll yields favorite designers including “anything Jennifer Aniston wears” and Old Navy.

The ever-fashionable Lady Gaga, umbrella ensemble and all.

Do you hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling too? Every year we think we’re going crazy when the radio starts playing Christmas songs the moment the organic Whole Foods turkey has turned to Thanksgiving leftovers. (It’s been especially unnerving this year, considering the temperature has us repacking our winter sweaters.) We’re happy to get an early jump on the shopping—er—giving this year, as long it means that we can stuff our stockings with toys from Lady Gaga’s workshop at Barneys. Only $95 for an Alexander McQueen shoe replica made out of chocolate? That’s less than we paid at the Met to see the reel heel!

Another holiday treat has been the silence on Wall Street. Maybe everyone made peace on Thanksgiving … you know, just like the Pilgrims and Indians did before the former wiped out the indigenous culture with smallpox. (Zuccotti Lung, anyone?) Those annoying drum-a-drum-drum circles were quickly replaced by Miley Cyrus’s YouTube remix of her song “Liberty Walk” to show her support of the protests. Listening to her high-frequency noises accompanied by images of marches and American flags was like taking a little
Salvia trip without leaving your executive suite.

If you prefer your screeching in a higher octave, please write in to Fox News and demand that pundit/non-token blond lady Megyn Kelly take us up on our offer: After describing the pepper spray used on UC Davis students as “a food product essentially,” we invited her down to our offices for a mutual Mace-off. Think of it as a modern day pie-in-the-face gag, except with more eye irritation.

Those looking for a mob scene last week didn’t have to travel to California—or Wall Street—to stand behind police barricades while shoved by strangers. You could just go to the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. This year’s giant Spider-Man float was either a tribute to the upcoming film, or an effigy to the Marvel gods after Turn Off the Dark made it a whole year without being shut down. Worker’s comp: it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Just like Powerball. Which at least this year, is more like a gag gift. Three Greenwich money managers just won $254 million in the lottery, proving once and for all that there is no God—or perhaps there is, and he’s just sitting in his executive suite taking a little Salvia trip. Either way, we’re just going to down some holiday spirits and enjoy ourselves.

Both play and movie are produced by Corner Store Entertainment, a fledgling in the world of film but a company which has, despite tepid reviews, kept the show running for nearly two years. During the week of January 9, the show played to 97.1 percent of the house (more recent results were not available). It's unclear whether stage stars will cross over to the screen--representatives of the star most commonly identified with the show in the public's mind, American Idol's Constantine Maroulis, were unavailable for comment. But if Cruise's casting, and history, are guide, Corner Store Entertainment is seeking starry capitalization on a property people are already familiar with, if not from theatergoing then from classic-rock radio. Maybe, as the show was sold to New Line in 2008, before it ever hit Broadway, this was the goal all along!

ddaddario@observer.com :: @DPD_

It's Cyrus's pursuit of legitimate screen fame that motivates this interview more than any desire to confess. The interview takes place in New Orleans, where Cyrus is shooting her film about a teen private investigator (yep), and Cyrus gets a plug in for another upcoming film, LOL, saying, "It's what I'm most proud of." Cyrus has turned the last fumes of interest in her exploits into a marketing opportunity. She's nowhere near as collected as, say, a Justin Bieber--while pieces on the younger pop star focus on his brilliant career management, Cyrus is compared, here, to "a truck-stop waitress." What, exactly, Miley Cyrus stands for is up for grabs--she no longer stars on Hannah Montana, and indeed attempted to go "mature" on her slow-selling last album, Can't Be Tamed--but, in shoehorning an apology into a coming attractions reel, Cyrus indicates just how much, for her, is at risk if LOL and So Undercover fail, and if a bad reputation sticks. One can have a bad reputation or be a financial risk, never both--and Cyrus is trying to solve both problems at once.

ddaddario@observer.com :: @DPD_

It is the best film released in 2010, as it captures our moment in time better than any other piece of cinema.

Let's run down the justifications. It's self-aware -- "I'm just gonna document the shit out of this right now," the videographer says early on. It's a product of the times -- its existence is endemic to the iPhone camcorder culture that enables such voyeurism. It's the ultimate wish-fulfillment of those railing against Disneyfied commodification -- the Mouse House's most visible success story dipping her head into drug paraphernalia, sucking in, and inhaling smoke, days after she turned 18. And it's a lovable example of absurd art -- at one point, Miley's speech dissolves into gibberish.It's got a wonderful left-field soundtrack -- Bush's forgotten gem "Come Down" is playing inexplicably in the background.

To top it off, teenagers, presumably high, are eating dry Frosted Flakes out of the box.

"Fuck yeah, girl," the director offers as her closing remarks. "Get it. You need to do more. You're not, like, as fucked up as you should be."

That dialog comes at the end of a video that has taken the internet by storm, partly because of the subversive thrill of witnessing one of the world's best-known celebrities, who happens to be newly 18, do something as scandalous as take a hit from a bong, regardless of the legality of the indulged substance. But perhaps the video itself, stripped of the context of pop stardom, is drawing the attention of pundits. It really is something to behold -- tragic, hilarious, relevant, real.

With ten spots open for this year's Best Picture Oscar, we'd be shocked if this didn't get a nomination.

nfreeman [at] observer.com | @nfreeman1234

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