"I like M&Ms and I like sharing."

The author continues, "Do these things matter at all when it comes to her qualifications for being an Associate Justice on the United States Supreme Court? Yes. They speak to her character. And in matters of justice, matters of character count."

Hmm. Sure. But this won't help defuse the deadly Church Lady meme.

Folk it over! Lessons learned this week: If you happen to be opening a new restaurant or bar, to ensure maximum press and attention, tell your publicist to make pretend it’s a secret (plant notices on DailyCandy and Gawker, and the ninnies at The New York Times’ Styles section will fall all over themselves in a rush to publish your address and phone number—oooohh, naughty!); second, that publishing scions with good looks and buckets of money have their daddy issues, too; third, speaking of The Times, how do they manage to find such annoying narcissists to write the “Modern Love” column?—each one, we want to push out of a moving car before we’ve gotten to the second paragraph; and fourth, while we won’t say women with tattoos are nuttier than the rest, we will say beware of any young miss with a dolphin on her ankle. Also, while we appreciate (sorta) the idea behind the Critical Mass bike movement, we don’t enjoy being stuck at a crosswalk for 20 minutes, late for dinner, as they pedal their bikes around with self-satisfied smirks. But maybe that’s just the August talking; the shrinks are away, writing screenplays about their crazy patients; the sidewalks smell like a deli without electricity; and we don’t know what the hell is going on with Six Feet Under. O.K.! Tonight, get out your wooden spoons and love beads and head over to Joe’s Pub for banjo, as Jim and Jennie and the Pinetops—bluegrass and Southern rock, “twisting a vivid scene where affliction and peace co-exist in a turbulent but comforting place” (uh huh)—and the Crooked Still—“a unique combination of driving, earthy grooves and soaring, heavenly vocals” (uh oh)—take the stage. Expect some makeup-free, freshly scrubbed gals (wearing matching glasses with their fellas) to be drinking whiskey and beer. And remember, fellas, beware the ankle dolphin! (And, if anyone else is keeping track of just how many times a movie can be replayed, When a Man Loves a Woman is on the WE network. Sheesh, guys, we get it already.)

[Jim and Jennie and the Pinetops, Joe’s Pub, 425 Lafayette Street, 9:30 p.m., www.joespub.com; When a Man Loves a Woman, WE, 7:30 p.m.]

thursday 4th

No one is going to argue that M&M’s aren’t delicious—put a bowl out and watch how fast those suckers will go. So we can’t figure out why Masterfoods USA is making a big push to get more adults hopped up on the junk. But they are, and today in Grand Central Terminal, the company will officially unveil their “newest and biggest” M&M’s, which will come in more “adult” colors such as maroon, teal, beige, gold and “fellatio.” Inexplicably, the brilliant John O’Hurley (best known as J. Peterman on the popular NBC television series Seinfeld or from his turn on the very weird Dancing with the Stars) will be on hand. Next! A chick named Periel Aschenbrand is fêted with cocktails and politically correct food on photographer Mark Seliger’s West Village rooftop for her nonfiction book, The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own (she designed T-shirts with the saucy phrase and was one of those girls who realized they could protest and self-promote by stripping down during the Republican National Convention—but somehow, even with all of those eagerly displayed pudenda, George W. Bush still won—but hey, at least the gals felt empowered and got media attention!). The 28-year-old Ms. Aschenbrand writes in her book that she loves to be naked, drinks a double espresso with a “splash” of 2 percent milk and enjoys a good lap dance. See page 130 for an account of her bruised hemorrhoid. Mr. Seliger, who used to shoot Rolling Stone covers, met the budding writer in a stairwell (we bet!) and shot the cover of the book, which features a naked (of course) Ms. Aschenbrand. Now why didn’t Dorothy Parker ever think of that?! Meanwhile, a very different kind of artist will be on display at the Knitting Factory, where Stephanie Erdel, a 9/11 survivor (whose boyfriend was killed in the attack), sings songs from her album, Running from Fear, to benefit September Space, which provides free emotional support for 9/11 survivors.

[M&M’s unveiled, Grand Central Terminal, Vanderbilt Hall, 87 East 42nd Street, noon; Periel Aschenbrand book party, Mark Seliger residence, 162 Charles Street, 9 p.m., by invitation only; Stephanie Erdel performs, Knitting Factory, 71 Leonard Street, 7 p.m., www.knittingfactory.com.]

friday 5th

“I’ve had a crush on Drew Barrymore since I saw E.T., but it’s age-appropriate—I was 6 years old, too,” said Brian Herzlinger, the wacky director and filmmaker who made his quest for a date with the lovely actress into the movie, My Date with Drew, premiering this evening. Mr. Herzlinger, who funded the film with the $1,100 he won on a game show, embarks on a journey that takes him from buying a camera at Circuit City to crashing the world premiere of Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. “We decided to make this movie on a Friday and started shooting that Monday,” he said. “None of us knew what was going to happen.” Was he intimidated by Ms. Barrymore’s fabulous, moffeted Strokes boyfriend? “It was never more than just meeting her—I wasn’t delirious. There was no downfall for me; honestly, I was just proud that I took the risk. It was a positive quest.” We can’t reveal if the maniac succeeds with Ms. Barrymore (this guy needs you to see the movie), but we’ll tell you who you will see in the movie: Corey Feldman. That’s right, the Feldman (proving once and for all it will work for food). In other moviegoing news, The Dukes of Hazzard, whose promotional blitz has tired us out, finally arrives in theaters. Anyone else both enthralled and repelled by the Jessica Simpson video for “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’”?

[My Date with Drew and The Dukes of Hazzard, for showtimes and theaters, www.moviefone.com.]

saturday 6th

Marco! … Out in the ho-happy Hamptons, the nouveau-almost-riche flock again to watch the polo ponies in Bridgehampton. The previous weeks have brought out celebrities like the slippery Owen Wilson (we can’t figure out just what to think of that guy: Is he a laid-back stoner with a funny nose? Or the secret genius behind Wes Anderson?), Jay-Z (he’s got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one—now that we know for sure) and hemp-lovin’ Woody Harrelson (who’s so weird, you have to love him). Last week, Matt Dillon acted as host for the day. We wonder if Mr. Flamingo Kid is now getting asked about his brother more than he gets asked about Cameron (“These Boobs Were Made for Stalkin’”) Diaz. Today, Town and Country is on duty—make of that what you will. Elsewhere out there, Christopher Fischer, who peddles and perpetuates the whole summer-cashmere mystique, throws a cocktail party with trendy fashion jeweler Lee Angel, featuring discounts on the thread and a sneak peek at some new bling. Expect lots of air-kissy, grabby types (you know who you are).

[2005 Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge, Bridgehampton Polo Club, 849 Hayground Road, Bridgehampton; Christopher Fischer and Lee Angel cocktail party, 67 Main Street, East Hampton, 4 to 7 p.m., by invitation only.]

sunday 7th

Merci Coco! It seems like just yesterday that the socialites whipped themselves up into a lather over the Chanel exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Where have all the fine-feathered gals gone? (We’ll give you three guesses!) Today is the last day to see the clothes that launched a thousand ambitions (and eating disorders), so get up there before it gets replaced by something silly like historical art artifacts. Next! Much more accessible to the common people is the very free concert at SummerStage featuring M.I.A., who will kick it Sri Lankan style. The 28-year-old’s sound is described as a “mash-up of British garage, Jamaican toasting, American hip-hop and South Asian bhangra,” which, amazingly enough, can “effortlessly graft images of violent revolution and Third World poverty to block-rocking party beats.” This means, simply, a very white and serious crowd will be dancing like idiots. Now, onto more serious business: Six Feet Under … does anyone understand? On tonight’s episode, Kathy Bates returns, which we suppose is, at least, something.

[Chanel exhibit, Metropolitan Museum of Art, 1000 Fifth Avenue, www.met.org; M.I.A. concert, SummerStage, Central Park, 3 p.m., www.summerstage.org; Six Feet Under, 9 p.m., HBO.]

monday 8th

In a sweltering summer, just what this town needs is a big stinkin’ rap concert (hope nobody gets shot!). Eminem and 50 Cent (and friends, and bodyguards, natch) roll into Madison Square Garden for two nights of hip-hop-hooray! We’d advise staying off N.J. Transit and the LIRR this evening, because there’s going to be more than one Slim Shady riding the train home, if you know what we mean. Slightly north and just as packed as the Garden will be the Bryant Park Lawn for the big-screen viewing of 1968’s The Odd Couple, starring Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau (for the youngsters, before they became grumpy old men). If you hear some old movie queen saying all the lines out loud, have mercy: Our Big-Cheese Editor rarely gets out.

[Anger Management Tour, Madison Square Garden, Seventh Avenue at 32nd Street, 8 p.m., www.thegarden.com; The Odd Couple, Bryant Park, 42nd Street and Sixth Avenue, www.bryantpark.org.]

tuesday 9 th

It’s hip not to catch hep! Hundreds of New Yorkers march to City Hall to raise awareness about being tested and treated for Hepatitis C (a disease known mostly as something Pamela Anderson contracted). The blood-borne virus has infected nearly 300,000 New York City residents, particularly in the Latino community. “Our goal is to eliminate some of the names on a list for a liver transplant,” said Debbie Delgado Vega, the founder and C.E.O. of the Latino Organization for Liver Awareness (LOLA), who will be marching along with Joel Rivera, majority leader of the City Council. “The more awareness raised, the better,” she said. “We’ll hopefully look like a million at the march—City Hall isn’t that big!” Indeed, as Mayor Mike Bloomberg always cracks, “But I AM standing!”

[March for Awareness, noon, Battery Park City Parks Conservancy, 2 South End Avenue, www.lola-national.org.]

wednesday 10th

O.K., we admit it: Today might be one of those rare days when it’s better to be in the Hamptons with all of the arrivistes and strivers and overpriced radishes (although not if Lizzie “Leadfoot” Grubman happens to be driving a big German car—yeeeoww!). Because all that’s happening in our fair city is … National Underwear Day! Come on, people, what is this, Cincinnati? Can’t somebody important get kidnapped or something? Anyway, Freshpair.com, which sponsors the event, says they believe “underwear deserves a lot more recognition than it gets.” We feel woozy. We can’t wait for National Q-Tip Day.

[National Underwear Day, Freshpair.com.]

On a recent afternoon, Annemarie Iverson, the new editor of Seventeen magazine, welcomed a guest to

her big red office high above Seventh Avenue. Ms. Iverson, who is 37 years old,

has shiny blond hair and blue eyes, and she wore a white blouse and custom-made

Levi's with fringy leather flaps that looked like horse's hooves. "They make me

happy," Ms. Iverson said, looking down at her legs. "They're jeans, you know? "

A veteran of the Liz

Tilberis–era Harper's Bazaar and YM who worked as a beauty and fitness

editor at Seventeen in the late

1980's, Ms. Iverson returned to the publication at the end of September. Now

she's trying to reinvigorate a 58-year-old magazine facing stiff competition

for the hearts and purses of pubescent and pre-pubescent girls.

"It's a huge magazine and a big institution, and it always was

kind of like in a chastity belt," Ms. Iverson said. "It's always been quiet and

subtle, and I guess I just wanted to come in and make it loud. Amp it up. I

want to have the best voice, the most fun voice, the most informed voice, the

most on-target voice, and the most beautiful pictures. I just want to raise the

quality quotient. Every page should be inviting and cool and punchy."

Was she going to sexify it, too?

"Maybe," Ms. Iverson said. "But Seventeen 's a good girl. She's good .

Even when she's naughty, she's good."

Ms. Iverson's good girl has

plenty of flirty challengers: YM , Teen People , Teen Vogue , ELLEgirl and Cosmo Girl! , among others.

"Everyone's going after this because it's a big population glut

right now, and mothers want to be like teenagers-there's, like, a trickle-down

thing," Ms. Iverson said. "Mothers want to wear what their teenage girls are

wearing. It's a youth-obsessed nation. Suddenly everyone's designing for young

people; everyone wants to be young."

In Ms. Iverson's office was a copy of the current issue of Seventeen , Ms. Iverson's first as editor, with the Dawson's Creek actress Katie Holmes on the cover. On the editor's

page, there was a flattering picture of Ms. Iverson in what appears to be her

signature pose: left cheek outward, lower back curled, hands on sides,

abdominals out-and thick, pouty lips. She looked like a cast member from Melrose Plac e; she posed the same way

for Mediaweek in October. "My left

side works better," Ms. Iverson explained.

Elsewhere in the new Seventeen,

on page 38, there was a story called "NYU 101," about a day in the life of two

pretty coeds (facials at Bliss, shopping at Screaming Mimi's). On page 44,

Carson Daly got a makeover. On page 48, there was a photograph of a reader who

thinks she looks like the actress Halle Berry.

"The idea with this is girls, everyone wants a role model, and

somehow they feel that their looks aren't embraced or celebrated unless they

can see themselves in a celebrity," Ms. Iverson said. "So our thinking with

this is, 'Look, there's someone out there famous who looks like you, so you

should feel good about yourself! You have a round face and you're slightly

overweight-look, there's Drew Barrymore!' It seems very superficial or star,

uh, overdrive, but it really helps young women."

Ms. Iverson thinks she's in the right job.

"Yeah, there's something very immature about me," she said. "I

like this; I like being with young people. What's cooler than that? We have fun

here: We act really immature, and we play games and have fun, and we have a

really light atmosphere. And we have kids around as much as possible. We invite

them over for Cokes and Diet Cokes and M&Ms …. Someone's trying to run this

place-I mean, we're always looking for who's the parent--and I just refuse.

"I'm having a total blast," she said. "I love coming to work, I

have great people with me, this is like a dream come true. I've never had an

easier job. We have to sell magazines. But the way I get there is by having

fun.

"This is a real girls' magazine," Ms. Iverson continued. "You

know, girl power. We're the girls in control here; we're in charge. Is it

capital-F feminism? You never use that word anymore. But it's really about

feeling good about yourself, and yeah, you say, 'Oh, this is very vain-how to

put on lip gloss or she's blond.' But it's really about"-her voice got soft and

sleepy-" em-pow-er-ment ."

What about making readers smarter?

"That's everywhere, subliminal-that's a mission that Seventeen 's always had," she said. "When Enid Haupt edited Seventeen at the end of World War II,

she was like, 'I want to turn out better citizens.' I wouldn't be so flatfooted

to say it that way, but we believe in volunteerism, and we have a fiction

contest. We're one of the only magazines left that publishes fiction. We have a

new young-artists competition. We're about going to college and bettering

yourselves."

On page 80, there was a picture of a peeled banana and this

advice: "So it's hard, it's longer than six inches and it looks phallic-a

banana still isn't a sex toy, girls."

"You have to have one banana," Ms. Iverson said. "It's a little

tongue in cheek-so to speak."

-George Gurley

Lure vs. L.U.R.E.

New York City now has two hangouts called Lure. The newest Lure

is a restaurant-lounge on East 60th Street off Madison Avenue. The second Lure

is on West 13th Street and Ninth Avenue, and is actually The L.U.R.E.-for Leather, Uniforms, Rubber, Etc.-and it opened in

1994. Here's a guide:

Hours

Lure: Open for dinner from 5 p.m. to midnight; lunch, 11:30 a.m.

to 3 p.m.; brunch on Sunday from noon to 3:00 p.m.

L.U.R.E.: 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. on Monday to Saturday; 2 p.m. to 4

a.m. on Sunday.

Go there to find

Lure: Gold Coast matrons.

L.U.R.E.: A master.

Motif

Lure: 20,000 Leagues Under

the Sea.

L.U.R.E.: The Wild One.

Signature details

Lure: Glass sculpture.

L.U.R.E.: Steel cage.

Wall art

Lure: Water studies by photographer Roni Horn.

L.U.R.E.: Fetish and erotic-art lithographs, sketches and

paintings of men in leather by artists Leon and Ira Smith, Rex and the Hun.

Dress code

Lure: No official dress code,

but owner Matthew Harriton expects the restaurant to get a "casual chic" group.

"I don't expect T-shirts and jeans, more like jeans-and-a-blazer type of

people. That's what we get in the Hamptons."

L.U.R.E.: Strict dress code on Friday and Saturday nights.

Leather, rubber, uniforms of all kinds. No white sneakers, no cologne and no

business suits.

Clientele

Lure: Real-estate brokers taking their clients to lunch; Madison

Avenue shoppers.

L.U.R.E.: Plumbers, investment bankers who enjoy wearing leather,

rubber or uniforms. Women, occasionally.

Specialty drink

Lure: The Luretini, an aqua concoction with citrus vodka, triple

sec, sour mix, a splash of orange juice, a splash of pineapple juice, fresh

lime juice and a hint of blue curaçao served with a twist.

L.U.R.E.: Rum and coke. Club

source: "People come here to meet each other, they don't come here to have

fancy-dancy drinks."

Drink cost

Lure: $8 to $12.

L.U.R.E.: $5.

Theme nights

Lure: None.

L.U.R.E: "Chub Club" for big men on Thursday nights; "Foot

Friends" party on Monday night; a leather party called "Pork" on Wednesday

nights.

Good pick-up line

Lure: "Did you go to Brearley or Nightingale?"

L.U.R.E.: "Thank you, sir-may I have another?"

Late-night behavior

Lure: Swapping phone numbers.

L.U.R.E.: Bootlicking.

Number of times featured in Sex and the City

Lure: Zero.

L.U.R.E.: Repeatedly-Samantha's apartment in the show is located

directly above the bar.

Music

Lure: Undecided; to date, seems like a Jamiroquai kind of crowd.

L.U.R.E.: Industrial/electronic.

Celebrity Guests

Lure: Salt from Salt 'n' Pepa and New York Giants punter Rodney

Williams.

L.U.R.E.: Members of the NYPD and, rumor has it, a Saudi Prince.

Future plans

Lure: Unclear.

L.U.R.E.: Thinking of franchising.

-Deborah Netburn