The other day, we were washing our dishes and the world’s largest f*cking cockroach came scurrying out of the sink. We’re sorry to gross you out, but imagine how we felt. Jesus, it was the size of a small rat. Actually, a rat would have been preferable. It’s the kind of trauma that makes you wonder if there really is a god, because in her infinite wisdom, why would she create giant, indestructable bugs that quite literally serve no other purpose other than to spread germs and provide nightmare fuel for one of the shorts in Stephen King’s Creepshow? And if you’re going to create them, why make them the one sentient being that could survive a nuclear holocaust? Obviously, cockroaches prove that the world is a cold, meaningless place and we are all alone in the universe. Except for the cockroaches.
On the plus side, now we can map out what parts of the city has the most eating establishments with infestations of these horrific creatures, and use that knowledge to avoid eating there–or anywhere really–ever again. Read More