Here we thought 40 Bond Street was one of the greatest building of the past generation. (Maybe that's not saying much, since this is New York.) But this riotous video from Curbed shows that opinions are far less uniform than the lofty windows on the Herzog & de Meuron-designed, Ian Schrager-built condo project in Noho. The highlight is clearly the angry neighbor who calls the place "a piece of shit" and "Frank Lloyd Wrong."

On the cobblestone streets of that sort-of-made-up neighborhood of Noho, a loft, the kind of loft you would expect, has just sold. The price paid for a sixth floor co-op at 48 Great Jones Street was a respectable if expected $3.5 million, exactly the asking price for the bow-tie-shaped three-bedroom. It last sold in 2008 for $2.96 million.

"Masterfully renovated with no expense spared, this gorgeous triple-mint loft offers approximately 2600SF of unique luxury living in the historical and most vibrant neighborhood of NoHo," coos reality TV stars and Elliman brokers Frederik Eklund and John Gomes in their listing. Still, pretty standard fare.

The buyer, Elaine Musselman, is either a middle artist or yoga-non-profiteer—about what one would expect for the neighborhood.

The sellers? Alice Ho and Albrty Oh. We double checked, and that's no typo. To which all we can say is Oh ho ho.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @MC_NYC

No joke! (Winick Realty)

Soho and Noho has become one of those places "real" New Yorkers loathe to visit, like Times Square and Canal Street.

It's jam-packed with funny smells, honking cars and gawking tourists. As if there were any question lower Broadway was anything more than an awful suburban mall, the kind of place most New Yorkers move here to escape, the latest lease at 691 Broadway proves it: Spencer's Gifts is moving in. And who's to blame? None other than that downtown scourge, N.Y.U.

"The area is Spencer Gifts' target demographic of shoppers—18- to 24-year-olds," Michael Gleicher of Winick Realty Group told DNAinfo. "The NYU community and the SoHo shoppers are right there."

According to the Post's Louis Weiss, "The new shop will have 1,840 square feet on the ground and a 1,855-square-foot basement. The asking rent for the store with 30 feet of frontage on Broadway was $170 a square foot."

So not only will you have to worry about crowds, but also joy buzzers and stink bombs, too. Great. Donald Judd must be spinning in his grave.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @MC_NYC

In the last few months, these regal spaces have been snapped up. Joining Ian Schrager, happily ensconced atop his 40 Bond masterpiece, were Will Smith, renting at 25 Bond while he films Men in Black 3, and a French financier,
who took the top of the old Bouwerie Lane Theater at 54 Bond.

Now, Don Capoccia, who developed the Deborah Berke-designed 48 Bond Street, has sold the penthouse there for $14.2 million, according to city records.

It was a very quick sale, coming on the market in December and going into contract in February. The original asking price was $15.85 million, accounting for a 10 percent discount for a mystery buyer. Listing agent Jay Schneider declined to comment and Corcoran's Carrie Chang could not be reached.

The penthouse is bigger than many suburban compounds, with 1,600 square feet of outdoor space surrounding the 5,000-square-foot 10th- and 11th-floor duplex. Not enough room? There is a 1,441-square-foot parking garage and a private pool. "This is truly an exquisite home boasting beautiful Brazilian walnut floors, automated shades, Crestron audio system, 10.5’ ceilings & central air," wrote Ms. Chang in her listing. Oh, and it has one of those outdoor showers--the ultimate in New York City showmanship.

Will we ever see a block like this again?

SLIDESHOW: 48 Bond Penthouse. >>

Read past Manhattan Transfers here. >>

mchaban [at] observer.com | @mc_nyo

In 2007, Adam Gordon bought the old Bouwerie Lane Theatre, that beautiful white cast-iron building at the corner of Bond and the Bowery, and reinvented it as a condo. Then, last month, The Observer broke the news that three of its four homes had been sold, and only the penthouse remained.

Now Jennifer Gould Keill reports that Rob Heyvaert, a dashing Belgian businessman, has bought the unbelievable 4,863-square-foot four-bedroom spread, which was last asking $14.45 million. "It has the feel of a real family home in the middle of Manhattan--and we just added twins to our family," Heyvaert tells the Post.

Will Smith grabbed the top unit at 25 Bond Street last month, and Ian Schrager has lived in the penthouse at his 40 Bond Street since he finished the fabulous building. That leaves only 48 Bond still on the market. Act fast before the next richie rich beats you to it.

mchaban [at] observer.com | @mc_nyo

All of us at the real estate desk just wanted to write and apologize once again for breaking the news that you and Mr. Broderick were buying a luxurious eight-bedroom duplex at 88 Central Park West.

We are not so vain as to think that our little news item--and the paparazzi encampment that was sure to ensue outside your new home because of it--had anything to do with you and Matthew not buying the apartment.

Still, sometimes, late at night, we lie awake wondering, "Was this our fault?" If so, again, we are sorry. We never meant to prolong your now two-year search for that perfect Manhattan home.

That $20 million triplex in Heath's old building? The one with the gorgeous cast-iron facade and the "free-standing soaking tub also opening onto a private terrace" that the Post says you guys just checked out? That sounds great! You should buy it, even if there are only two bedrooms, compared to 88 CPW's eight.

And if you do, we promise not to write about it and ruin everything all over again.

Sincerely,
The Observer

mchaban [at] observer.com | @mc_nyo

As for the less-than-charming features of a loft apartment -- no privacy or places to hang art -- those have been elegantly addressed. Soundproof walls delineate a just-open-enough floor plan with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Plus, the location, Bleecker between Mott and Elizabeth, leaves virtually nothing to be desired, unless you hate Whole Foods, the Angelika, the New Museum and a near constant flow of beautiful people and reliable trains.

If you figure out what's wrong with it, let us know. We'll sleep easier.

Take a tour of 27 Bleecker Street

realestate@observer.com

Noho, the "neighborhood" in question, is doing just that, according to an article in Wednesday's Wall Street Journal:

One idea, said Zeyd Rahman, a new-business director for Iris, is to aim straight at SoHo and sell NoHo as "what SoHo used to be."The notion would be to push NoHo as "the last bastion of the real downtown N.Y.C.," Mr. Rahman said. "We're sort of calling them [SoHo] out for the fakes that they are."

Some in SoHo scoff at the marketing effort. "You cannot create something that happened spontaneously and without planning," said Sean Sweeney, a 33-year resident of SoHo and director of the SoHo Alliance, a neighborhood advocacy group.

"It's like the ugly stepsister of SoHo thinking that advertising is going to make it more attractive to Prince Charming," he said.

Burn.

More here.

drubinstein@observer.com

“Knowing that one of the greatest drives to business in the area was New York University, we expanded our marketing campaign to target bookstores, discount stores, service retail and household-goods tenants that would serve the community well,” said Christine Emery of Lansco. “While food use was not at the forefront of the landlord’s mind, we quickly saw that this use was missing in the neighborhood. We successfully positioned Hanover Gourmet as a valuable tenant with a strong, design-driven point of view that would provide a great service to the neighborhood.”

The eatery, which opened its first location in the Financial District, signed a 15-year lease for the 7,000-square-foot space and plans to restore the building’s original brick walls and windows. Working with the architects at Namu Design Studio, it will create a layout that flaunts the space’s Renaissance-style columns and intricate tile flooring.

Fern Wagner of Goldschmidt and Associates represented the tenant. Ms. Emery, along with Yair Staav and Peter Weisman of Lansco, repped the landlord.

egeminder@observer.com