At the Movies
Lindsay Lohan has trouble recognizing her phone in what is either a scene from her upcoming feature The Canyons, or some B-roll of her being confused on-set which was furtively shot by a passive-aggressive Paul Schrader.
If there ever was a week for longreads, this would be it. After Elizabeth Wurtzel’s 5,500-word essay published in New York about crazy landlords/Not Compromising on Life, The New York Times Magazine proved that it hadn’t cornered the market on histrionics. Thus, an 11-page exposé about Lindsay Lohan and The Canyons, the Kickstarter-funded film written by Bret Easton Ellis and directed by Paul Schrader, co-starring porn heartthrob James Deen.
As you can imagine, the piece chronicles what a nice time everyone had on the short shoot—which took place over three weeks last July–with a lot of fond, funny anecdotes. Like the time Ms. Lohan took too many sleeping pills, locked herself in a closet, and refused to come out until Paul Schrader took off all his clothes? That one is great. The pitch-perfect tone was immediately reflected in its blog-snark title, “Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie.”
A fine choice, but a little unsubtle. We offer these 10 other titles that would have equally reflected the appeal of such a long, labor-intensive piece of journalism.
James Deen may be a porn star, but he’s still a babe in the woods when it comes to being a celebrity. After being accosted by a TMZ paparazzo outside Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills last weekend, Mr. Deen–who just finished filming Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader’s The Canyons with the “super great” Lindsay Lohan–was more than happy to give the digital tabloid some amazingly doofy soundbites.
(This, despite the fact that his lawyer was present, and Mr. Deen seemed to be aware that he shouldn’t be talking about the film.)
Let’s look at the transcript, shall we? But a quick word to the wise: Don’t be fooled by TMZ’s headline … Mr. Deen never mentioned that Ms. Lohan helped him climax.
Lindsay Lohan needs to update that Facebook status to “In a Relationship”: at least work-wise. Apparently not outraged enough by the “full nudity” required of her in Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader’s Kickstarter-funded film The Canyons, the star was revealed yesterday in a Facebook photo to be shooting a scene with porn star James Deen…in bed.
Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader’s super white-hot project (via Kickstarter) The Canyons has already hit its first casting snag. Despite announcing Lindsay Lohan and approachable porn star James Deen as the movie’s stars earlier this week, the car-crashing actress apparently hasn’t signed her contract yet.
Which may be an issue, since someone on her team has been coaching the Herbie: Fully Loaded star how to read scripts.
The first time I met James Deen was in a co-ed bathroom. I couldn’t tell you where. He was in the middle of a foursome, having sex with a sweat-soaked blonde propped up against a porcelain sink who looked like she’d just swallowed all the MDMA in L.A. A friend told me one way to spot fake college porn is by the extras the producers hire to stand around and pretend to be students. Sure enough, a group of guys who might have trouble spelling the word “campus” were watching, slack-jawed, from the doorway. I was watching too, except from my MacBook in Brooklyn.
Paul Schrader wrote Taxi Driver and Raging Bull. Now he has collaborated on a shark movie with Bret Easton Ellis. The main character of this one sounds like a working-class Patrick Bateman crossed with Captain Ahab: a young man who decides to take revenge on the super-rich by propelling them to a sharky doom.
According Read More
Running time 107 minutes
Written and directed by Paul Schrader
Starring Woody Harrelson, Kristin Scott Thomas, Willem Dafoe, Lauren Bacall
You see them in Beverly Hills, Palm Beach and the concrete canyons of Manhattan. They are called “walkers” because they walk through the gossip columns and society pages on Read More
Since my freshman year at Stuyvesant High School in 1975, I’ve been getting my hair cut at Frank’s on Spring Street. It’s an unassuming barbershop just east of Sixth Avenue, complete with a revolving red, white and blue pole and metal folding chairs out front for the locals to gossip in Italian as they Read More