Heidi Klum and (soon to be ex?) husband Seal

Seal up the doors, stop all the clocks, let the roses wither without kisses from the grave and prepare to get a little crazy if you are ever going to survive this bombshell. TMZ, that august online resource of record in such matters, brings us the bad news: "Heidi Klum to File for Divorce From Seal." The horror escalates:

"Heidi will file divorce papers in L.A. County Superior Court as early as next week. We're told Heidi will cite 'irreconcilable differences' as the cause for the divorce."

The couple wedded in May of 2005 and as TMZ points out, have renewed their vows yearly on their anniversary.

The Daily Mail reports the Klum-Seals have 3 children ages 2-6 and were "last seen together" on December 27, when Heidi Klum tweeted a photo with her husband in the snow.

It did not necessarily seem like Seal's last tweet on Jan. 20 was referring to his impending divorce, but it now seems sadly appropriate:

The End. tadaa.im/wY0Zu #tadaa

— Seal (@Seal) January 20, 2012

[TMZ]

Seal in '06. Those were the days.

Gregory Spock is used to performing librettos before rapt audiences in concert halls from Hartford to Florence. Recently, the 26-year-old has found more intimate venues within the exposed-brick walls of New York townhouses. A Roland keyboard or a baby grand to his right, a pink bow tie around his neck, a songbook in his hands—Verdi always wows `em—Mr. Spock delivers bursts of baroque beauty, all for salesmanship.

Mr. Spock joined Manhattan brokerage Rubicon Property four months ago, after receiving his broker’s license in the winter. He said his new boss liked him for his creativity, which means saving money on those showings.

“A lot of people have food or wine now, but the entertainment isn’t thought out.”

Because who isn’t lulled into signing a multi-million dollar contract by the plaintive moans of Aida?

During last decade’s real estate boom, the real estate party, usually in a newly built condo tower, was a staple of the industry. After the recession hit, nobody could much afford them. Now they seem to be hobbling back, along with the real estate market.

“In some ways, it’s just kind of a relief,” said the blogger-turned-flogger Joey Arak. Mr. Arak spent years penning “Hangover Reports” while he was senior editor of Curbed New York, and now he is helping to throw them. “During the downturn, there was a feeling that it was wrong to celebrate, wrong to spend money, wrong to buy real estate. Now it’s such a relief that we don’t have to worry about that anymore and can just enjoy ourselves.”

Mr. Arak said the turning point was a party last summer at Williamsburg development 58 Metropolitan, a hulking faux warehouse loft number near the waterfront. It was not very fancy, just fried chicken from Pies ‘n’ Thighs and a few kegs from Brooklyn Brewery. “But it was the first party anyone had invited us to in ages, and people were celebrating and enjoying themselves, and it was nice to know you could do that again.”

When people who know speak of real estate soirees, a blustery night on March 2, 2006 almost inevitably comes up. That was when developers Gary Barnett and Shaya Boymelgreen threw dueling parties at their respective projects—the Aldyn, then still a vacant lot on Riverside South, and 20 Pine: The Collection, one of so many odes to FiDi debauchery from that era. Uptown, Seal performed. Downtown, John Legend.

These days, revelers are more likely to find a decent cheese plate and some cocktails from hip speakeasy PDT or a food demonstration by one of Danny Meyer’s chefs and an assortment of quaffable wine. “If you’re lucky, there’s Champagne and it’s good,” said Leonard Steinberg, a top broker at Douglas Elliman. One of the big differences between the parties of today and those of yore is that in the past there were bachanals. Now we have box socials.

“I remember when the go-go dancers came out at the William Beaver House,” Mr. Steinberg said. The ugly yellow obelisk of condos was erected in the FiDi by Andre Balazs and Tamir Sapir. It fell into foreclosure last year and was converted into chintzy rentals. “When the go-go dancers come out, you know the party is over.”

That was one attendant’s take in the bathroom line at a Thursday night, April 2, soiree hosted by Curbed, the neighborhood blog of cheeky record, and The Edge, the largest new condo in Brooklyn, being developed by Douglaston Development.

Early in the evening, amid model condos, cucina from local pizzeria Motorino and lubrication complements of Brooklyn Brewery, out popped a certain 2006 ebullience. There used to be, in Manhattan and Brooklyn in particular, condo promotion parties like this every other day. (This reporter remembers when John Legend and Seal sang at different parties on the same night, one in the Financial District, one on the Upper West Side.) 

But the parties don’t happen quite as much any more, of course—actually, barely at all. Lehman Brothers saw to that. And Bear Stearns. And the boys in D.C.

The Edge party, at the condo’s Kent Avenue sales office, actually happened the same day as several Manhattan housing market reports reiterated just how bad things have gotten in the housing market, with sales dropping precipitously in the first three months of 2009. 

But that was just coincidence, the Edge party and the market reports. And the reports were about Manhattan anyway. This was Brooklyn. More to the point: This was Williamsburg, the genesis kernel of Brooklyn chic.

The crowd, including brokers, was young and, in some lapidary cases, beautiful, rendering the “Please Do Not Touch the Models” warnings slapped on the miniature condo details achingly ironic. It’s what you might expect for a Williamsburg party, condo promo or otherwise. And, good for Douglaston, it’s perhaps the kind of clientele a fresh New York condo would want to attract: young oftentimes equals virginal (e.g., first-time buyers). 

“We are seeing a lot more activity on the lower end of the market, the starter market, with a lot of action on studios and one-bedroom apartments,” Corcoran Group chief executive Pam Liebman told The Observer on Thursday.

The Edge’s 550 or so condos (some have been combined) run from $750 to $1,300 a square foot; and the development also includes 347 rental apartments and 60,000 square feet of retail. It also has a colorful advertising history, as these things go, including the famed election-themed billboard splash: “Sarah Palin, Live Here, See Wall Street.” 

Lockhart Steele, Curbed’s dapper publisher, brandished another ad early in the party; a small, pink pin: “Live Here or Die.” It was good for a laugh, a little joy, before the rain came.

“Let’s eat, drink and be merry,” Mr. Steele said matter-of-factly, “and celebrate the warm weather, and, hopefully, the warmer real estate market.”

Collage image by Daniel Krieger via Curbed.