Faced with the start of the NFL season, the VMA’s (like everyone else, we’re on Team Taylor Swift), and, perhaps, a bit of moviegoer ennui, it was another slow weekend at the multiplex. Tyler Perry’s latest film, I Can Do Bad All By Myself, topped all comers with an impressive $24 million, but otherwise it was a mixed bag for the remaining new releases. The “visionary” animated flick 9 placed second with $10.8 million; however, Sorority Row and Whiteout bombed, finishing sixth and seventh respectively, each earning a shade over $5 million. Wake us when the good movies start coming out again. As we do each Monday, here’s a breakdown of the top five at the box office.

1. Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself: $24 million ($24 million total)

That Tyler Perry has more number one openings over the last five years (five) than directors like Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay (both with four) speaks to both his prolific output (he’s made eight films over that stretch) and loyal fanbase. Despite the fact most of the people you know never even heard of this film, I Can Do Bad All By Myself was still able to land the seventh biggest September opening in Hollywood history. There is a niche here and Mr. Perry is more than happy to fill it up.

2. 9: $10.8 million ($15.2 million total)

Shane Acker’s apocalyptic animated sci-fi film clearly brought out the geeks in small droves; since opening Wednesday, the Tim Burton executive produced film has grossed $15.2 million. That doesn’t sound like much, but when you realize that Focus Features’s last animated flick—the sleeper 3-D hit Coraline—opened with $16.8 million, this start is more than respectable.

3. Inglourious Basterds: $6.5 million ($104.3 million total)

The reports of Quentin Tarantino’s death were apparently greatly exaggerated. Later this week, Inglourious Basterds will pass Pulp Fiction as the caffeinated director’s highest grossing film. Worldwide, Basterds is nearing $200 million; even with a relatively high price tag it looks like things will still be in the black for The Weinstein Company when all receipts are counted. Also, huzzah to Brad Pitt! The revenge flick is his ninth film to cross the century mark.

4. All About Steve: $5.8 million ($21.8 million total)

How bad were things at the box office over the weekend? Well, All About Steve, with its 6 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, only dropped 48 percent from its opening bow and remained in the top five overall. Welcome to September.

5. The Final Destination: $5.5 million ($58.2 million total)

The ridiculous 3-D horror film, The Final Destination, held off newcomers Sorority Row and Whiteout to finish in fifth place. Now the highest grossing film in the history of the terrible franchise, The Final Destination will most likely breed another film. If you feel like weeping for the nation’s youth, you are more than welcomed to do so. Also, you can't cheat death! 

This is how the summer ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper. The combined totals of the top five films over the four-day holiday weekend could only manage to gross 75 percent of what X-Men Origins: Wolverine pulled down during its opening weekend back on May 1. The Final Destination claimed the top spot for the second weekend in a row, barely edging out Inglourious Basterds to take the honors. Unfortunately, for the three newcomers to multiplexes, it was a case of better luck next time: All About Steve, Gamer and, most disastrously, Extract failed to make any impression on audiences and will likely hit your Netflix queue sometime before Thanksgiving. As we do each Tuesday, here’s a breakdown of the top five at the box office.

1. The Final Destination: $15.4 million ($50.5 million total)

Forget Labor Day for a second: By taking in just $12.3 million over the Friday-to-Sunday period of the weekend, The Final Destination became the proud owner of the lowest gross for any No. 1 film since Bangkok Dangerous led the way with just $7.8 million on this weekend last year. But, on the bright side, the fourth film in this ridiculous horror series is almost assured of becoming the top grosser (pun!) in the franchise before all is through.

2. Inglourious Basterds: $15 million ($95.2 million total)

Behold the power of Brad Pitt! Besides being a legitimate sleeper hit stateside—it will easily sail passed $100 million sometime this week—Basterds continues to prove the star’s worldwide clout. Overall, the film has grossed just under $180 million to date. Somehow we doubt the same thing could be said if anyone other than Mr. Pitt was front and center on the poster.

3. All About Steve: $13.9 million ($13.9 million total)

Despite owning some of the worst reviews of the entire year—and that is really saying something—All About Steve wound up with slightly higher returns than most prognosticators were anticipating. Of course, that means the results went from “embarrassing” to merely “terrible,” but, hey, we’re sure Fox will take whatever victory they can on this dog.

4. Gamer: $11.2 million ($11.2 million total)

It turns out boys would rather play video games than watch a movie about them. Gamer bombed away at the box office, meaning the jury is still out on Gerard Butler’s career. If you count 300 as a triumph of marketing and premise and not his star power—or perhaps as proof of the star power of his abs—it seems that the Scottish star is better suited as the manly-but-sensitive lead in romantic comedies (see P.S., I Love You and The Ugly Truth) than as a big-ticket action star. We hope casting directors are paying attention.

5. District 9: $9 million ($103.2 million total)

Congratulations to District 9, which became the 19th film to pass the $100 million barrier already this year, and in the process held off Halloween 2 ($7 million/$27.1 million total) and Julie & Julia ($7 million/$80.6 million total) to finish fifth at the box office. If you’re wondering where the other new release of the weekend, Extract, landed on the chart, take a peak down at the bottom. The latest “comedy” from Mike Judge—and we use that term loosely since it was about as funny as sitting in traffic—detonated in tenth place with just $5.3 million. We hate to break it to everyone, but the Office Space “auteur” is no longer employable as a filmmaker.

1. The Final Destination: $28.3 million ($28.3 million total)

You can't cheat death or this franchise! The 3-D showings of The Final Destination accounted for a whopping 70 percent of this number (that’s roughly $20 million if you’re keeping score at home), and they helped make this the biggest opening in the history of the series. Someday historians will look back and wonder how Hollywood milked nine films (and counting) out of both Saw and Final Destination.

2. Inglourious Basterds: $20 million ($73.7 million total)

Even more surprising than last week’s $37 million opening is that Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds held up relatively well in weekend two, shedding a reasonable 49 percent of its audience. Basterds is now the second highest grossing film of QT’s career and could conceivably pass Pulp Fiction in total box office (but not ticket sales) when all is said and done. The power of Brad Pitt knows no bounds.

3. Halloween 2: $17.4 million ($17.4 million total)

This is being called a disappointment, especially in light of the $26.4 million that Rob Zombie’s first resurrection of Halloween grossed on this same weekend in 2007. But why? Halloween 2 performed exactly like a sequel to a movie that people didn’t necessarily want to see in the first place. Obviously, the Weinstein Company isn’t convinced of that though: They’re going to commission a new director for the next entry in the franchise: Halloween—wait for it—3D.

4. District 9: $10.7 million ($90.8 million total)

What is left to say about this late-summer sleeper hit? Off just 41 percent, District 9 continued to perform better than expected and will sail past $100 million sometime next weekend. We can’t wait for the summer of 2011 when The Hangover 2 and District 10 both fail to live up to the lofty heights set by their original models.

5. G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra: $8 million ($132.4 million total)

The much-maligned Rise of Cobra dropped a slim 34 percent over the weekend and barely edged out Julie & Julia ($7.3 million/$70.9 million total) to finish fifth overall at the box office. While Paramount is no doubt happy that Stephen Sommers’ film has taken in $256 million worldwide, we’re more excited about the sixth place finisher. With the lowest decline in the top 10—a ridiculously negligible 15 percent—Julie & Julia seems sure to finish with $90 million domestically or higher. It’s official: Meryl Streep has legs and she knows how to use them.

If you head to movie theaters on this, the last weekend of August, be on the lookout for some film critics. Once again, the week’s major releases went unscreened for reviewers, meaning if A. O. Scott wants to see Halloween 2, he’ll have to wait in line just like everyone else. Welcome to the summer death rattle: Four movies hit theaters today, and if you don’t like getting scared, you should probably just stay home. As we do every Friday, here’s a handy guide to the new releases.

Halloween 2

What’s the story: We made the mistake of watching the trailer for Rob Zombie’s torture porn sequel/remake last week and we’re still having nightmares. (That we burst into tears after the trailer was complete is neither here nor there.) Suffice it to say, Michael Myers is back and he is going to brutally murder a whole lot of people. Fun times!

Who should see it: Jason Voorhees

The Final Destination

What’s the story: There is something innately hilarious about a horror franchise going by the moniker Final Destination, but, unfortunately, New Line didn’t take our suggestion that the this entry be called “This Time We Really (Really) Mean It!” Despite our utter loathing of the entire horror genre, even we have to admit The Final Destination looks like a fun time: A bunch of fresh-faced teens cheat death at a NASCAR race (!!) and then get killed in increasingly ridiculous ways (we can’t wait to see the car wash drowning!). Did we mention that it all happens in 3-D? Yeah, go buy your tickets now.

Who should see it: Jeff Gordon.

Big Fan

What’s the story: It’s The Wrestler, but with football! Writer Robert D. Siegel (who not coincidentally wrote Darren Aronofsky’s fabulous indie) moves behind the camera as well with Big Fan. Patton Oswalt stars as Paul Aufiero, the titular aficionado—in this case, for the New York Giants—who has to deal with the aftermath of being beaten up by his favorite player. The reviews have been strong, especially highlighting Mr. Oswalt’s sad performance, but we just wish the darn trailer didn’t give away so much of the plot.

Who should see it: Anyone who has ever called into WFAN.

Taking Woodstock

What’s the story: At the beginning of the year, we had Taking Woodstock earmarked as one of the movies to watch in 2009. Turns out that was wrong. Ang Lee’s adaptation of Eliot Tibur’s book finally hits theaters today, and it looks like it’ll go down in the ledger as one of the talented director’s lesser works. That’s too bad because with a great cast—Emile Hirsch, Liev Schreiber, Paul Dano, Imelda Staunton and Demetri Martin as Mr. Tibur—and a somewhat timely subject matter (it was just the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, after all) we were hoping for something along the lines of Dazed and Confused. However, with our other options this weekend—must we redirect you to Halloween 2?—Taking Woodstock might still be our choice du jour.

Who should see it: Michael Lang.

Oh, and, have you heard? Anna Wintour goes all Devil Wears Prada in the documentary The September Issue.