Free to Be Abstemious Me! A Teetotally Awesome Week

For years I never dined, discoed, mingled or frolicked without getting thoroughly smashed. I was lubricated. Well oiled. Happy.

One night in the early 1980’s, I rolled home from either the Palladium, Area Club, the Pyramid or Danceteria—or possibly all four—and began babbling incoherently at my roommate about what a simply faboo time I’d had. Read More

Cuckoo for Coco (Chanel)? Not I, Full of French Fatigue

Why, oh why, are we so enamored of French women? Why do we hang idiotically on their every word, as if they know so much more than us about style and general fabulousness? How did all these imperious, fag-smoking chiennes manage to coax us all into this state of pathetic insecurity?

The current Chanel exhibit Read More

No ‘Release,’ Please! Frisky Masseur Hans Is All Hands

Not long ago, I made a massage appointment at my health club, an overpriced institution with a cranky, late-70′s tennis legend as its spokesman. I didn’t check on the sex of the massage therapist. As a straight male, I somehow assumed-or maybe just hoped-that the receptionist would give me a female masseuse. My sexual preference, Read More

Undertake This! Buying a $600 Suit

Troubled young men are seeking my guidance with increasing frequency. Fortunately, it has nothing to do with pervy priests or rosy-cheeked choir boys. But it does have a lot to do with inside-leg measurements. I’m talking formal business attire.

The perplexed young bucks in question entered the workplace when every Wall Street dude was wearing Read More

Plus-Size Ladies Lingerie Boom Giving Relief to Cross-Dressers

Ladies who lunch a little too often-the size-16 smart

set-are enjoying a fashion revolution these days. They have their own Italian

designers, like Gianfranco Ferré and Marina Rinaldi. They have their own floor

at Saks Fifth Avenue and their own fashion magazine , Mode . They even have their own fashion shows: Lane Bryant hosted Read More