YES YES YES!

On Friday night, the trailer for the third season of Game of Thrones premiered on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Time to check in with our best friends over at Westeros and Essos, just trying to figure it out, one mistake at a time. They're a little older, a little wiser, a little more totally psychotic and righteously bad-ass and how awesome was that Lightbringer. Also, dragons. Look at how big the dragons are!


From the trailer, it looks like we'll finely see Stannis Baratheon's Dragonstone palace, Bran looking a lot like his sister Arya, Dany with her armies of Unsullied at Astapor, a stand-off between Sansa and Cersai, a certain amputation that readers will recognize, the Red Keep wedding, and an older Geoffery who has finally shaken off his whiny Draco Malfoy-ishness and is just straight evil now.

You know who else looks older? Dany's bad-ass dragons, who are getting bigger every day. Aw, they grow up so fast! March 31st, set your calendars, y'all.

Get ready to feel dirty!

Harmony Korine is either a brilliant genius or insane or both. Not that these are new opinions about the director of Trash Humpers, but still ... teaming up with James Franco to make a movie about four teenagers who lose their innocence and become dirty little freaks over the course of one Spring Break is dark enough. Having the teenagers played by formerly squeaky-clean tween stars like Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson and Selena Gomez (well, she's less clean now) and Korine's own daughter wife(!!!), Rachel Korine? That's bordering on distasteful.

The trailer for Spring Breakers has just hit the net, giving us first glimpse into this sordid tale, which looks like it will give Tony Kushner's Lincoln script a run for its money.


You know you're going to see Spring Breakers, so let's not play games here. This has too many awesome/potentially horrific ingredients that there's no way you wouldn't buy tickets to the train wreck. Also: why should we wait till tween stars explode under the pressure of fame and spiral out into Lindsay Lohan territory, when we could just pay them to act that way in a movie?

Maybe if they just stick to saying the phrase "Spring Break" a bunch, we can cover our eyes when the inevitable AIDS-rape occurs.

The new workout craze!

Did you think the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomena would just fade away now that Girls is back on? Sorry, no, your mother would rather read about Christian Grey and imagine herself as Anastasia Steele than think about the awkward sex you might be having with a bisexual right now. (Even though, hey, remember when Bret Easton Ellis floated Lena Dunham's name as a possible candidate for the heroine in his adaptation of the book, which will now never see the light of day?)

Now a new theatrical parody, Doubleday's hardcover printing of the E.L. James trilogy and casting speculation on the upcoming film, 2013 looks like it just might be another great day for vanilla BDSM sex!

First of all: SPANK!. SPANK! is a new show, premiering in Cleveland before going on international tour (which is how the pros do it, really) that has been described as a satiric send-up of Fifty Shades by its director, Jim Millan, who is apparently not afraid of trademark lawsuits.

From the Toledo Free Press:

Overall, Millan describes “SPANK!” as a fractured fairytale of the book. Others describe it as equal parts Chippendales and Second City. The director stressed that the production doesn’t take itself too seriously.

“We don’t make fun of the book,” Millan said. “It’s a parody but it’s really a celebration about being free to choose a lifestyle or dare to try something. It’s a celebration of something that’s become a pop icon. Like when the lights go down and our male character enters, there is screaming like it’s a Justin Bieber concert. I never would have expected that. When I created the opening with a very big rock god entrance for our lead male, I didn’t know that would elicit screams. But that’s what the audience brings to it, their excitement because they’ve had a lot of fun with this.”

That actually sounds terrifying. Someone needs to get the male lead a couple of bodyguards. Who preferably haven't read the book.

And just in case Etsy users haven't sucked up all the merchandising potential off the teat of this Capitoline Wolf, there's Kristen James (no relation), an exercise guru who is now offering New York classes called "50 Shapes of Grey." Here are just a few maneuvers you could be learning by skipping Pilates next week:

Finally all the speculation over the casting has got the Internet in an uproar. Current fan favorite is leaning towards Garrett Hedlund as Christian, as the author recently tweeted that she was watching Troy. And of course, all the Twilight players are still frontrunners in fans' minds, since, let's not forget, the whole Fifty Shades of Grey thing started out as Twilight fan-fic. However, a fan-made trailer on YouTube which already has over 200,000 views takes the bold stance of casting Amanda Seyfried opposite Hudland.

So tell us: How much do you care about fan art based on fan art based on Twilight?

Kim Kardashian, 'acting.' (Lionsgate)

Future Screen Actors Guild Life Achievement Award winner Kim Kardashian has landed herself the role of a lifetime (or at least one that's going to be paying higher residuals than her own wedding did). She's "starring" in Tyler Perry's latest film, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. Although honestly, "starring" might be too strong of a word. She's definitely in the film--check out the trailer below--and she gets her own credit (along with Vanessa Williams's Indian accent), but all the clip reveals about her character is that she likes to wear tight dresses and works in a marriage counseling office.

At least one of these character traits will not be a big stretch, acting-wise. (Pun semi-intended, inasmuch as we just can't really bring our brains to process much of anything after the holidays, and especially not this.)

We can't wait to see the Inside the Actors Studio about this one.

Kevin Spacey plays a very intense person (Netflix)

http://youtu.be/ULwUzF1q5w4
"The nature of promises, Linda, is that they remain immune to changing circumstances." BOOM! Classic, dead-eyed Spacey. We would not like to be Linda in that scene. Unless, right afterward, Kevin Spacey started doing his Christopher Walken impression, in which case we guess we would kind of like to be Linda because we've always wanted to see him do that in person.

All Walken impressions aside, this looks like a really, really good series. Good job, Netflix! We feel like that extra streaming fee is actually going to some worthwhile projects now. Re-subscribe!

If you weren't aware, Warner Bros. claimed that the new film couldn't make the Wicked Witch green, since that was something specific to their film, and not L. Frank Baum's children's books. So instead we get a Glinda-riffic Michelle Williams all in white, a fashionably red Mila Kunis, and a darkly chic Rachel Weisz (channeling Charlize Theron in Snow White and the Huntsman) as the hottest witchy witches since Idina Menzel took the stage as Elpheba in Wicked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yclgHQaAEJU

Oz centers on James Franco as a much younger wizard, who, as it appears in the previews, somehow lands in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (maybe the producers had some say in which way the wind blew), and befriends a red queen witch and a white queen witch. Though we haven't seen the film, we're hoping the rest of the plot revolves around the Wizard convincing his new friend to put on a magical art show at the Emerald City's Film Festival, culminating in a Marina Abramovic-style performance piece where a house falls on one--or preferably all--of them.

Also starring Zach Braff.

The sound of a million geeks screaming (Warner Bros.)

Since the tickets sold out in January for the July 20th premiere of Christopher Nolan's third Batman installment, Warner Bros. probably doesn't have to hype The Dark Knight Rises any more. We mean, obviously they will spend a billion more dollars on advertising and marketing tie-ins, but for once we'd like to see a big blockbuster just completely stop all promotions one month before it hits theaters.

Although that would probably lead Copyranter or someone at Ad Age to claim this as the most ingenious viral marketing stunt ever. And then everyone would do it. And then movie trailer editors and distributors would be out of business in months. We need this hundredth The Dark Knight Rises trailer. For the good of Gotham, and all its residents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ASQqjK47c04#!

Too bad this is the most confusing trailer to the movie we've seen yet, and somehow manages not to include either of its female leads (Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle/Catwoman and Marion Cotillard as Miranda Tate). It's just a lot of mob scenes, and Tom Hardy trying to outdo Christian Bale in a "ridiculous voice" contest.

We liked it better when they were just exploding our bridges backwards.