Listen up everyone, a 10 is speaking! (NBC)

...she lied.

Jenna the performer:

and a philanthropist:

Who wants a baby:

With her own fears:

....And loves:

And singing abilities!:

Muffin Top from Martin Torres on Vimeo.

Wed, Bed, Dead. (The Gloss)

For as long as we can remember, the best game during sleepovers/on late-night drug binges/in girly blogs has been Fuck/Marry/Kill. If you are unaware of how the rules work, they're pretty simple: you pick three people who share a similar Venn Diagram overlap (such as Disney princes, former prime ministers or Scientologist movie stars) and then go around in a circle announcing which of the individuals you would sleep with, marry or kill. One fate for each person, and no overlapping. So you can't marry two people, nor can you opt out of killing one of them.

Fun, right? And now the game has been taken to a new level by Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff of TheGloss.com, who have made a web series off the same concept with a slightly less blue name: Wed, Bed, or Dead. And guess what? It's the Fashion Week edition!


Personally, we would not marry Karl Lagerfeld, no matter how many gay marriages he approves through a runway statement, or how many Scrooge McDuck pools of gold he gives to charity. Though Tom Ford is the obvious choice to sleep with, right? So, we guess we'd marry Ralph Lauren and kill Lagerfeld? Or the other way around. Either way, fun game, right? Now you go!

Everyone knows the feeling. The New Yorker shows up again and you haven't even finished the issue from last week. Or that #longreads profile that everybody was talking about two weeks ago is only half read and now it's too late to be part of The Conversation (were you ever even part of it?). Cue maniacal laughter.

They don't teach Krav Maga at Wharton. (Screengrab)

Based on the minimal information in the YouTube description of this unintentionally comic viral video, it appears film producer and screenwriter Ron Senkowski was "walking between film financing meetings" in New York City on Thursday when he captured this instance of mutual thuggery between a pair of Wall Street types waiting for a cab.

In the video we see two nicely-dressed men of indeterminate age slapping, shoving, then grappling until one finally wins and slams that yellow door. The camera then swings rather sadly away, as if Mr. Senkowski was shaking his head sadly at the state of humanity.

We look forward to the ensuing slow-motion versions of this masterpiece set to "New York, New York" in the near future.

TWO GUYS FIGHTING OVER TAXI NYC - ORIGINAL - - YouTube.

David Duke and his dog, in happier times. (Photo: YouTube)

Former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke may hate the Jews, but he sure loved his dog, Torri. When the seventeen-year-old, all-white (naturally!) Maltese died a few months back, Mr. Duke did what any of us would do after the loss of a beloved pet--he filmed a nearly fifteen minute video tribute to the dog and uploaded it to YouTube complete with an emotional folk soundtrack, photos of Torri exploring the great outdoors and musings on the nature of life, death and grief.

Mr. Duke initially made his "Tribute to Torri" private, but he has since relaxed the clip's privacy settings at "the urging of those who met Torri over the last 17 years." We're so glad Mr. Duke chose to share his video, because it's all kinds of incredible. Despite how amazing this video it is, it somehow seems to have escaped the attention of the internet, so we present it to you now. 

"It's been two weeks since Torri died....It still hurts," Mr. Duke explains as the video begins. "Grief actually can be quite wonderful. It heals the soul and it's such a tribute to the spirit that has passed on....I want to express my heart while these feelings flood over me like warm waves. We all, once upon a time long ago, came from the water and the tears that fill our blurry eyes, even against our will, wash us and heal us."

According to Mr. Duke, Torri was an invaluable companion in his crusade against "Zionist-driven Globalism."

"The eternal struggle for our peoples' heritage and our freedom is so hard sometimes. There are so many difficulties on this high, rough road," said Mr. Duke. "Torri would sit by me the countless hours as I wrote books and articles. And it seemed she was always telling me, 'Keep doing your job, I'm doing mine staying by your side.'"

The small dog didn't simply help Mr. Duke by sitting near him. He also credits Torri with being a sounding board as he created his 1998 "masterpiece," My Awakening: A Path to Racial Understanding, in which he purports to provide "compelling evidence that belief in racial equality is the modern scientific equivalent of believing that the earth is flat."

"She truly helped me write my seven hundred page book My Awakening. She was there to listen to me read aloud what I had just written to make sure it had the rhythm and eloquence that I sought. And Torri always looked at me intently when I spoke to her," Mr. Duke said.

Though Torri clearly spent a great deal of time with Mr. Duke in front of a keyboard, she also traveled the globe with him. In his video, Mr. Duke claims he and the dog "explored ancient European ruins" and "climbed at least 500 mountains and hills" together.

"She even secretly made her way in her shoulder bag into places like the Sistine Chapel, and the Louvre and a number of places that her kind were banned," explained Mr. Duke.

Torri's portability was a key part of her appeal to Mr. Duke. In his video he said he chose to get a Maltese, a toy dog breed, because he needed an animal that was "small enough to easily go wherever I went." This apparently raised eyebrows with his friends as carrying a small, toy dog in a man-purse was incongruous with his image as a white nationalist firebrand.

"A few times my friends told me, 'How can you carry around that little, quote, 'fag' dog?' I told them that I was a man secure enough in my heterosexuality that I sure was not going to worry about what people might think," Mr. Duke said.

Indeed, Mr. Duke's life isn't all angry racist rhetoric. His love for animals is just one aspect of his softer side. Mr. Duke also moonlights in "PhotoArt," a discipline he seemingly created himself that involves taking pictures of landscapes and then  using a computer to add "artistic flourish in color, brightness, contrast, composition, line and form to make a truly beautiful photo-artwork that will captivate and inspire you." According to Mr. Duke's website, some of his "PhotoArt" has even "been quietly displayed in European showings and galleries under a nom de plume."

Apparently, in this internet-dominated age, the White Nationalist world, much like the rest of society, is being taken over by Instagram-style digitally-manipulated nature photos and cute animal videos.

Watch Mr. Duke's "Tribute to Torri" video below.

Bob Ross' 'Happy Little Clouds' (YouTube)

It's all for the LOLs, of course, but it's also ingenious viral marketing for a network that's biggest draw is a guy who paints "Happy Little Clouds."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YLO7tCdBVrA

And in case you missed it, here's Mr. Rogers' "Garden of Your Mind":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFzXaFbxDcM&feature=relmfu

Mind-blowing, right? (Music courtesy of Symphony of Science's John D. Boswell.) This might be the best way yet for PBS to get donations from the under-30 set: we would totally PayPal the network a dollar for each new mashup they came out with.

Rango: now with more dogs! (YouTube)

If you've seen the Academy Award-winning Dreamworks feature Rango, then you know that the movie isn't really for children. In fact, we're not sure who the movie is for, except maybe adults on drugs who like their references to Chinatown to have a lot of lizards in it.

But just in case you were willing to give the man behind the Johnny Depp vehicle a pass on the Electric Kool-Aid Acid test, check out designer Eugeniy Yelchin's latest video, Super Doggies. It's a music video about a girl in Johannesburg, puppies, Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, and hip-hop dancing dogs.

Wait, so the whole point of that video is that we should adopt more dogs? Not that if you are poor girl in South Africa, magical 3D rapping puppies belonging to world leaders will visit your town? That subtle point went totally over our head.

Parents say very specific things depending on their Brooklyn district

Brooklyn blog Fucked in Park Slope took a particularly hard stance:

As if we need ANOTHER "Shit _____ Says" video. I actually can't fathom something less funny than Park Slope parents reciting their inane babbling in a quickly-clipped internet video that will for sure not have Juliette Lewis in it (if Buscemi is included, however, I will reconsider this entire post).

Yet despite the sneers, it only took Ms. Fox four days between that NYDN article and the release of her video, which we assume means a lot of new parents in the Slope (or the people annoyed by them) contributed to the marking of "Shit Park Slope Parents Say."

We just hope this won't interfere with our "Shit Carroll Gardens Parents Say" idea, which is completely different and unique from this one.

Former Philadelphia Police Captain Ray Lewis occupying Zuccotti Park last night. (Photo: YouTube)

A Philadelphia Police Department spokesperson confirmed to the Observer that Mr. Lewis was a captain prior to retiring in 2004. He was photographed at the protests yesterday afternoon as demonstrators ringed Zuccotti Park in the wake of their eviction.

In his late night interview with the livestreamers, Lewis said police in New York City should have dealt with Occupy Wall Street through negotiation rather than forcefully removing protesters from the park.

"You should, by law, only use force to protect someone's life or to protect them from being bodily injured OK? If you're not protecting somebody's life or protecting them from bodily injury, there's no need to use force. And the number one thing that they always have in their favor that they seldom use is negotiation--continue to talk, and talk and talk to people. You have nothing to lose by that," Mr Lewis said. "This bullrush--what happened last night is totally uncalled for when they did not use negotiation long enough."

Mayor Bloomberg has stated the raid was necessary because the protest encampment carried with it a risk of crime, fire and health hazards. Mr. Lewis called that rationale "a farce."

"They complained about the park being dirty. Here they are worrying about dirty parks when people are starving to death, where people are freezing, where people are sleeping in subways and they're concerned about a dirty park. That's obnoxious, it's arrogant, it's ignorant, it's disgusting," Mr. Lewis said.

Mr. Lewis said the police want to get rid of him, but he vowed to keep coming back to the protests.

"They're trying to get me arrested and I may disappear OK?" Mr. Lewis said. "As soon as I'm let out of jail, I'll be right back here and they'll have to arrest me again."

Mr. Lewis thinks some officers might appreciate his presence, but not top brass.

"I'm their worst enemy, especially with the white shirts, the bosses OK? Some of the fellow cops they might be thinking, you know, 'That guy, he's got a point,' but the bosses, i'm their number one enemy," Mr. Lewis said.

Mr. Lewis clearly doesn't think the NYPD likes him, but he told the protesters he doesn't think cops are their enemy.

"All the cops are, they're just workers for the one percent and they don't even realize they're being exploited," Mr. Lewis said.

Viewers who watched Mr. Lewis' interview told us he spoke on camera for more than 40 minutes. We'll try to get our hands on a full clip, but for now, you can watch an excerpt of Mr. Lewis' livestream appearance below.

So what is that day like? It begins when Fallon conceives of a hashtag he finds funny. Readers tweet in their own jokes, which Fallon reads on the air in a funny voice. One user-generated gag indicates eagerness to lose "185 pounds" -- referring to dumping a significant other (did the lyrics of "Hold It Against Me" not fit in 140 characters?). A writer happily discusses the method, and engages Fallon in debates about which tweets are best to read on air. Hope he enjoys the job for the next few months, before he's replaced by midwestern teenagers with iPhones!

In the video, Fallon asks his audience if they're on Twitter, and a few scattered and not-particularly enthusiastic cheers ring out. Fallon's video answers one question -- how does he choose which hashtags to read on air? The ones that make him laugh! -- but raises so many more. Who are these people doing Fallon's writing for him, for free? And who is bothering to watch Late Night, when one doesn't have to stay up late to read one's own Twitter timeline?

ddaddario@observer.com :: @DPD_