Rants and Raves

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Michael Shannon (left) and a Barbie.

Two Dramatic Readings of the Delta Gamma Sorority Email That Will Make Your Monday (Video)

On Thursday, University of Maryland student Rebecca Martinson, a member of the Delta Gamma Sorority, achieved a level of Internet infamy after a private letter she had sent to her sisters was circulated around the campus and eventually sent to Gawker. Some were quick to call Ms. Martinson “psycho” and refer to her email as “insane” due to its rambling, incoherent and frankly confusingly venemous content (as far as we can tell, this was sent because some sisters were “being fucking WEIRD at sports”); ironically, it would take a sorority member or at least someone in a mean girl’s high school clique to truly appreciate the quick and effective destruction of a life with just one click of a forward button.

But we’re not here to pass judgement on Ms. Martinson or her colleagues. We’re here to watch two dramatic readings of the email: the first by Boardwalk Empire‘s Michael Shannon– which truly does bring to mind the actor’s role as a hallucinating schizophrenic in Bug–and the latter by a Barbie doll. Read More

April Fools Day

He is not a cute crook! (WhiteHouse.gov)

White House Pulls Most Adorable April Fools’ Day Prank Ever With Kid President (Video)

We had almost forgotten it was April Fools’ Day, a.k.a. the worst day in the world to be a reporter. Or best. It really depends which of the two reporter categories you happen to be: The kind that hates spending all day trying to figure out if Kim Kardashian is really guest-editing Vogue, or the kind who loves making up stories about Allison Williams releasing an album composed entirely of Kanye West covers.

Well, no matter if you love a good goof or think goofs are lame and would like to see the world goof-free, we can all agree that the White House’s “Very Special Message” today was perfect. Kid president! Fart noises! Internet memes! Read More

viral videos

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"Kai" (Fox)

Too Bad the ‘Axe-Wielding Hitchhiker Vs. Racist Jesus Murder Driver’ Story Has Already Been Optioned (Video)

By now, you may have seen the local human interest/crime story from a Fox affiliate in Fresno, starring a hippie hitchhiker named Kai who saved the day when the man who picked him up decided he was Jesus and started attacking people at what appeared to be an outdoor thrift store convention a work site next to the highway. Luckily, Kai had an axe, and after Jesus (who used the N-word), crashed into a man working for Pacific Gas & Electric, the jam-bander took action, saving a woman from being bear-hugged to death by his former driver. Read More

30 Rock

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We feel you, girl. (NBC)

30 Rock Wrap-Up: The Best of Jenna Maroney (Video)

You know what? We’ll admit it: Out of all the characters on 30 Rock, we don’t identify as the workaholic, grumpy, frumpy-but-really-attractive Liz Lemon. We have to do us, and we’re Jenna Maroney fans through and through. Whether discussing her dalliances with Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts or having a surprise wedding with her transvestite boyfriend at her bosses’ funeral, we identify with Jenna’s self-aggrandizing, attention-seeking fame-baller. She’s almost an innocent: Her lack of self-awareness and child-like belief in the power of celebrity makes us want to go look in a mirror and sing “All By Myself.”

…she lied. Read More

viral videos

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Things were different in the early 20th century. (YouTube)

Every Episode of Dollhouse Downton That You Never Knew Was Your Favorite Thing Until Now (Video)

I heard that Fox News is secretly making these adorable Downton Abbey parodies in order to squash the liberal agenda. Because, as Stephen Colbert said, “The popularity of Downton Abbey proves that America loves rich guys. The same way the popularity of Breaking Bad proves that America loves meth dealers.”

Well, we would, if they made their pseudo-ephedrine while riding on the backs of stuffed animals! Read More

viral videos

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Wed, Bed, Dead (The Gloss)

Everyone’s Favorite Parlor Game Gets a Web Series (Video)

For as long as we can remember, the best game during sleepovers/on late-night drug binges/in girly blogs has been Fuck/Marry/Kill. If you are unaware of how the rules work, they’re pretty simple: you pick three people who share a similar Venn Diagram overlap (such as Disney princes, former prime ministers or Scientologist movie stars) and then go around in a circle announcing which of the individuals you would sleep with, marry or kill. One fate for each person, and no overlapping. So you can’t marry two people, nor can you opt out of killing one of them.

Fun, right? And now the game has been taken to a new level by Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff of TheGloss.com, who have made a web series off the same concept with a slightly less blue name: Wed, Bed, or Dead. And guess what? It’s the Fashion Week edition! Read More

viral videos

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He's really sweet. (YouTube)

Your Fiance is a Really Great Performance Artist (Video)

You know what? Screw what mom says, this guy is gold. What’s his name, Effi? Yeah, he’s great. Big improvement on that stuffy investment banker that you were dating last year. This guy is just such a free spirit, you know? You can just tell that he wakes up every morning and does that Roy Scheider thing from All That Jazz. Except instead of Dexedrine its his anti-psychotic medicine, and instead of talking to a mirror, he’s talking to his box of merkins. Read More

viral videos

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Adrien Brody in InAPPropriate Comedy (YouTube)

Adrien Brody and Lindsay Lohan Star in ‘Comedy’ by ShamWow!’s Prostitute-Beating Vince Offer (Video)

Did you ever wonder where late night infomercial hosts go after they ruin their career? I know I sure do! And now, thanks to InAPPropriate Comedy, the brainchild of ShamWow!’s Vince Offer, a man who was once arrested on felony battery charges after hitting a 26-year-old prostitute on Miami Beach. It’s rude, it’s crude, it definitely stole a font from CollegeHumor.com, and it also stars Adrien Brody.

Obviously, this will be an outstanding feature, remembered in the pantheon of films as being “like the Scary Movie franchise, but way worse.” Read More

Saturday Night Live

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Big Bird: Best SNL sketch of the year? (NBC)

Are These the Top Saturday Night Live Skits of the Year? (Video)

The Huffington Post just put out a compilation of its top 15 Saturday Night Live videos of the year. Unsurprisingly, Stefon made the cut, as well as The Californians, and a lot of newcomer Kate McKinnon, who in less than a season has proved herself more than able to fill Kristin Wiig’s psychotically sized shoes. And then, yes the Romney and Obama sketch … but some of these other ones? Well, take a look for yourself. Read More

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Ben Affleck, in one of the year's non-sucky films

Forget Netflix: Here Was Your Year in Movie Trailers (Video)

Was 2012 a good year for films? Probably not the greatest, if box office returns and our own Rex Reed are any indication. But maybe it wasn’t the worst? We had Beasts of the Southern Wild, Argo, Cabin in the Woods, Django Unchained (well, it comes out December 25), The Amazing Spider-Man, a new Batman movie, the movie with all the other superheroes in it, a new James Bond movie, a new Paranormal Activity movie, the first Hunger Games movie, the last Twilight movie, Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Cloud Atlas, Moonrise Kingdom, Les Mis, Life of Pi, Wreck it Ralph … and a bunch more. We can confidentially say that each film was great. Or really terrible. Or we didn’t see it.

At least, enough to make six minutes of a YouTube montage, which is actually pretty long for a supercut video, but the disingenuously named “The Sleepy Skunk” managed to mash all of the above features, as well as many others, into his 2012 movie trailer mashup. Enjoy? Read More