There is this place Times Scare, on 42nd Street, that bills itself as an all-year haunted house. As if that’s a good thing! You know what we normally give houses that are haunted 365 days a year? No, not cash. An exorcism. We give those houses an exorcism.
Anyway, Times Scare is the worst place to walk by on, say, a cold January evening, because occasionally these horrible clown creatures with Rob Zombie makeup will just pop out of nowhere and start laughing maniacally in your face. And, again, this is in the middle of Times Square at five p.m. on a Monday, so there is no reason why a normal human reaction wouldn’t be to mace these people in their goddamn stupid clown faces. No jury in the world would convict you.
This is all to say that I hate, I HATE, I HATE getting scare-pranked. It’s so fucking dumb. It has its time in place in October, when its appropriate to be water-boarded for spooks and giggles, but the rest of the year, leave me alone. To that end, I am boycotting the rest of this season’s The Walking Dead, which had some recent “viral” promotion where it dressed people as zombies and hid them under New York City grates.
Zombies of Summer
Forget about not looking back, Mr. President. We want to know if we should start taking notes while watching AMC’s The Walking Dead.
While it’s not news that the Center for Disease Control has been warning us on proper zombie protocol for almost a year now–while simultaneously claiming there is no such thing as a zombie attack … not even when you’re high on bath salts–yesterday a new government office took up a “tongue-in-cheek” zombie cause. It’s those pranksters Homeland Security, known for issuing fake threats just to rile up people near the holidays.
A raft of news stories that could pass for harbingers of a zombie apocalypse has apparently even created a need for bullets specially-designed to stop the undead in their shambling tracks. Zombie Bullets, from Hornady Manufacturing, are for those who want to be ready and fully-supplied for, in the company’s words, “the Zombie Apocalypse.” Said Apocalypse will require Hornady’s “Zombie Max ammunition,” which is loaded “with PROVEN Z-Max bullets” which are specially designed to “MAKE DEAD PERMANENT.”
Occupy Wall Street
Woody Harrelson is doing the rounds for his new movie Rampart, but in this age of viral buzz, press junkets just aren’t enough. These days, people don’t want to read the same canned answers asked by reporters and filtered through a PR agent: they want to directly interact with famous people. (Isn’t that why Twitter was invented?)
In less than two hours, Mr. Harrelson will be taking to Reddit’s AMA (Ask Me Anything) subforum, where for an hour he’ll be answering nerd questions about just how much marijuana he likes to smoke and some-such. So to stand out from the crowd and make sure the actor answers your query, here are some awesome questions to ask Woody Harrelson.
What better way to engage the pros and cons of the Occupy Wall Street movement than to see it in terms of a zombie invasion? Yesterday, Zuccotti Park’s temporary residents actually dressed — and as the day wore on with its unrelenting marches and rain — began to act like the shambling undead. That’s when the metaphor started melting away to expose something a little more scary.
What started out as a visual play on the mindlessness of corporate drones evolved into an overarching analysis of this whole Occupy Wall Street thing: the group-oriented protesters, the overworked NYPD, the fed-up unions, and the exponentially multiplying press. We’re all infected.
Mike Allen has heard that there are more than a dozen parties seriously interested in Newsweek. Previous estimates put the pack around five or six. But who’s counting?!
If Sidney Harman — husband of California Democrat Jane Harman, the second or third richest member of Congress — took control, he would not Read More