Conan’s Wet Kisser … Assistants of New York, Unite

Conan’s Wet Kisser

Ashley Wolfe is a babe, no question about it. Like many babes, she’s also an actress, and like many actresses, she wants to be taken seriously and maybe work with Spielberg or De Niro. “I’m usually the girl … who’s the girl … I’m trying to think of a nice way to say this,” Ms. Wolfe said over lunch at the Four Seasons hotel. “You know, the sexy girl .”

Ms. Wolfe has brown hair, stands about 5 feet 7 inches tall and is in her 20’s. She was wearing a black tank-top blouse, black pants and black cowboy boots, and was sipping a Chardonnay. She said she didn’t want to brag, but she was “extremely talented” as a dramatic actress. “I haven’t had an opportunity to show that,” she said.

Ms. Wolfe has been on television about 100 times, and most of those appearances have been in skits on Late Night with Conan O’Brien . For five years, she has played such roles as Mr. O’Brien’s girlfriend, a prostitute and Girl in a Bikini with Hairy Back. When Jim Carrey was on playing the Masturbating Bear character, Ms. Wolfe was selected to be the Beautiful Woman in the Audience.

“It’s absolutely amazing to watch the creative process,” Ms. Wolfe said of the show. “And Conan is really probably the smartest man that I’ve ever met in my life. Oo-oh-h! His wit is so quick.”

Ms. Wolfe has furiously made out with Mr. O’Brien on camera, and the two even made a faux sex tape together. She testified that Mr. O’Brien was a good kisser and that she’d never been repulsed.

So do they have a special relationship?

“Strictly professional!” Ms. Wolfe said, laughing. “We’re not buddies who call each other on the phone every night and talk. I do have a rapport with him … I think he’s handsome … he’s very tall; he’s about six-four, six-five. And he’s very humble and unpretentious, and I think the audience and women love that. And he’s one of the younger–let’s face it–late talk-show hosts today. So he’s desirable.”

And incredibly successful.

“From a very early age,” she said. “Because, you know, he went to Harvard and the Harvard Lampoon , wrote for The Simpsons , Saturday Night Live .”

Got some money, too.

” Lots of money. Lots and lots and lots of money.”

To supplement her own income, Ms. Wolfe gets work as a foot model. “Which is funny, because I can’t stand my feet–always hated my feet,” she said. “And now I’ve been able to make lots of money from them. I just don’t like them, out of any part of my body. Maybe it’s just ’cause I just don’t like feet.”

What’s wrong with your feet?

“It’s such a funny question, oh my God! I really can’t say. My second toe is a little longer than the big toe, and actually that’s supposed to be a sign of intelligence, but I don’t like it. It’s not way longer, but a smidgen …. To be a foot model, you have to have pretty legs, and I have really nice legs and the right-size foot …. Then you have to be somewhat attractive. You don’t have to be Christy Turlington to be a shoe model, obviously.”

Ms. Wolfe said she’d been hit on a lot in New York, even by “really huge players” in the industry. She mentioned one writer-producer notorious for propositioning pretty women on the street. “He told me, in order to cast me, that he has to get to know me better,” Ms. Wolfe said. “And his way of working with an actress is by really getting inside of that person. And the time that he approached me, I was really, really underage. Of course I didn’t go for it. He kept calling me, and I told him he needed psychological help. He’s proud of it–it’s weird. Psycho!”

Ms. Wolfe finished her crab cakes. She talked some more about her acting aspirations.

“I’ve worked so hard and it’s all that I’ve ever wanted,” she said. “Everything else has been second, and I came here not knowing anybody. No connections. And not only that, I have certain moral standards that I’m going to stick to.”

Would she, like Mr. O’Brien has done many times, undress for a skit?

“Absolutely not,” Ms. Wolfe said. “If it was for Steven Spielberg, a Holocaust thing, where you have to make the scene work and it makes sense–and in context with the story, you’re naked and you feel shamed and embarrassed–then I would do it.”

What if her nude scene was so super-sexy that people remembered it for decades?

“Maybe if it’s tastefully done–like from the side, not full frontal.”

What about for $2 million?

“No. And I would never do Playboy . Not interested. I’m a goody-goody, but I play a bad girl on TV!”

–George Gurley

Assistants of New York, Unite

Avi Melniker, a 22-year-old New Yorker by way of Beverly Hills, leaned back on a black velvet couch and traced her pedigree: daughter of Charles Melniker, an entertainment lawyer … granddaughter of Benjamin Melniker, a Hollywood producer ….

“I was molded for this industry,” Ms. Melniker said.

Blond and tanned and wearing a bare-shouldered black shirt with colored circles that night, Ms. Melniker is an assistant to William Morris television agent Jim Ornstein. On March 9, she threw the first ever “NYC Industry Assistants’ Party” at Nativa, a club and restaurant downtown, for 600 of her twentysomething colleagues.

“This is my brainchild,” Ms. Melniker said as she scanned the darkened, loft-like space which thumped to fratty hip-hop music. “It’s important for all the young people in the industry to meet each other and share ideas. We’re going to be running the studios and record labels some day.”

Though many were hazy on what they actually do , the assistants were emphatic about what they don’t . The young things were quick to distinguish themselves–the “industry assistants”–from “personal assistants,” who do grunt work: the boss’ dry cleaning, dinner reservations, honeymoon planning, etc.

“I don’t do any of those kinds of things, ever ,” said Sara Helman, 22, who assists Colin Vaines, development director at Miramax. “My boss is British and he’s so-oo lovely.”

Of course, all of the assistants had higher ambitions. Ms. Melniker, who is something of a self-styled talent scout, coolly dropped that she has her eye on a music group in L.A. called Supreme Beings of Leisure, which she described as a “very multiethnic, electric media pop band.” (This wasn’t exactly breaking news; the Supreme Beings had a hit record last year.)

Jennifer Wallack, a former assistant and Dalton grad, came to the bash eager to pitch her new rhinestone-studding fashion company, Project Stud. Wearing a near-blinding array of gem-encrusted clothing, Ms. Wallack said she was currently rhinestoning a Knicks T-shirt for View loudmouth Star Jones. She hoped her newfound contacts might get their bosses’ clients to wear her sparkly baby T’s.

Nearby, Rebecca Lord, Real World: Seattle alum and aspiring musician, sat glumly while countless wide-eyed assistants introduced themselves. Ms. Lord was escorted to the event by a friend who works as an assistant. “This is such artifice,” she remarked.

Meanwhile Ms. Melniker surveyed the scene, Jay Gatsby style. Two young men stood several feet away pointing at her and whispering that she “looked important.”

“This is just the first in a series of events I’ll be doing,” Ms. Melniker said. “One day we’ll all see the results.”

– Alexis Offen

Imagine What They’d Say if Somebody Messed With the Squash Courts

From a pamphlet sent to the Yale Club’s 9,200 members by Save the Pool, an organization trying to prevent the demolition of the club’s 35-by-16-foot pool:

“1960: Carnegie Hall was threatened with demolition …. It was saved by the people, led by violinist Isaac Stern. It is now one of the most popular venues for music in the world.

“1960-1978: Grand Central Station[sic] was threatened with defacement for a three-floor bowling alley above the waiting room and, later, for an office tower. It was saved by the people, inspired by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. It is now one of the most successful retail/transportation hubs in the nation.

“1979: Radio City Music Hall was threatened with demolition … It was saved by the people. It is now one of the most popular facilities of its kind in the world.

“2001: The Yale Club swimming pool, another unique treasure, is threatened with possible demolition as part of a renovation ….”

–Tinker Spitz Conan’s Wet Kisser … Assistants of New York, Unite