Eight Day Week

Wednesday 13th

You know it’s summer in Manhattan when male editors begin donning fetching short-sleeved seersucker shirts, female summer interns confront the annual Capri pant question (ladies: no), and even poor George Plimpton-who was born in seersucker-is forced to transfer the gin-and-coquette-soaked Paris Review reading scene to leafy Brooklyn, where tonight Rick Moody and others will hold forth, limbered up by a-gasp-cash bar …. Fitful, lurching, pale, sticky dancing will last till 1 a.m. Meanwhile, back in Manhattan, two book parties for first novels duke it out: uptown, Barbara Shulgasser-Parker’s Funny Accent; downtown, Kenji Jasper’s Dark. Both are mercifully short. Bonus dirty excerpt from Funny Accent: “Celia, meaty and aromatic like a heavy stew ….” Umm, perhaps they should have planned a winter release date?

[Paris Review, Brooklyn Bridge Anchorage, 8 p.m., 861-0016; Funny Accent, in someone’s fancy Park Avenue apartment, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 674-5151, ext. 446; Dark, i Lounge, 277 Church Street, 7 p.m., by invitation only, 782-8943.]

Thursday 14th

Eine Klein Nachtmusik: If the American Fashion Awards are the fashion industry’s Oscars, then Sandra Bernhard is their Billy Crystal. The skinny comedienne was a rousing success at last year’s ceremony, where she took a page from Sarah Jessica Parker-who looks more and more like she could use a full meal, and we mean soon-and changed clothes about 20 times …. This year Ms. Bernhard returns as mistress of ceremonies, but the night belongs to Calvin Klein, who is getting a lifetime-achievement award and has also been nominated as Womenswear Designer of the Year (along with Tom Ford and Helmut Lang)! The real suspense is in the Perry Ellis Award for new talent: show up and root for hometown heroine Alice Roi against those Los Angeles poseurs, Imitation of Christ …. Among the accessories nominees: Kate Spade’s husband Andy, which is just weird-how long until the pair start a gingham-diaper line? Crash strategy: mini skirts!

[Lincoln Center, V.I.P. reception, 6 p.m., tent behind Lincoln Center, awards ceremony, 8 p.m., Avery Fisher Hall, after-party to follow, back in the tent, by invitation only, 957-3005.]

Lazy Brits and others: It’s not enough that the Brits have 1) foisted Hugh Grant on us; 2) taken over practically every fashion magazine in town; 3) made Uncle Reege look like a big softy with that odious Weakest Link thing; 4) turned the West Village into their own 19th-century colony; and 5) never learned to pay for a taxi-tonight the propaganda blitz continues with a celebration of “everything English,” cosponsored by Tanqueray and FHM, a “laddie” magazine and Maxim clone …. Meanwhile, uptown, you can suck down sloe-gin fizzes, sloppy joes and pigs-in-blankets at a book party for Sloth: Ode to Disarray & Delay, part of a series about the Seven Deadly Sins. “It was an arbitrary assignment,” said Upper East Side author Dale Burg. “Writing a book does not mean you’re an expert in the field. I am the anti-expert on sloth. I was like, ‘I hope you’re not upset, but I’m handing this book in before the deadline.’ When we took a vacation to the Catskills, I was in the gym on the treadmill. I can’t stand sitting still. So sloth was a challenge. In New York, I think it’s a secret vice, like secret eating. People say, ‘Oh, I only had two hours of sleep last night’-well, someone’s sleeping.” Who is the city’s biggest sloth? “My teenage son.”

[FHM, Telephone Bar and Grill, 149 Second Avenue, 7 p.m., 800-207-7170; Sloth, somewhere on Central Park West, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 362-8304.]

Friday 15th

More proof that New York is turning into just a nice, bland college town: Another Heartland Brewery & Chophouse plunks down in Times Square, and the Museum of Television and Radio presents Hello, Good-bye, a festival of pilots, premieres and final episodes-which means you can look forward to a steady diet of Welcome Back, Kotter allegories in Maureen Dowd’s column for the next three months. Meanwhile, downtown, a play-PR Man-opens. We called playwright Robert Lyons, who said, “It’s this kind of crazy, surreal story about this public-relations man who …. ” Click!

[Heartland Brewery & Chophouse, you’ve got to be kidding; Museum of Television and Radio, 25 West 52nd Street, noon, 621-6600; PR Man, Ohio Theatre, 66 Wooster Street, 8 p.m., 966-4844.]

Saturday 16th

Lawn gnomes in Southampton? When we hear the words “the Hamptons” and “eccentric garden constructs” in one sentence, we immediately think of Ron Perelman standing in his yard at the Creeks, smoking a cigar. But today’s promise of “eccentric garden constructs” refers to the Landscape Pleasures symposium at the Parrish Art Museum in Southampton. Later, in Sagaponack, there’s a benefit for the Group for the South Fork, which raises money to protect the Hamptons environment. Bridal-gown designer Vera Wang, that wing nut Chappy Morris and body-crystal lady Nadja Swarovski romp about the shrubbery …. Back in the boroughs, the spotlight-lovin’ Brooklyn Museum of Art tries to raise its profile yet again with a Collectibles Day-kind of like an Antiques Roadshow exclusively populated by habitués of the Park Slope flea market (Frisbees, shaggy dogs, muffins). Also in Brooklyn: The week’s second brewery happening for the new frat-house contingent in Williamsburg, prompting the neighborhood’s three remaining “hipsters” to call the movers.

[Parrish Art Museum, 25 Job’s Lane, Southampton, 9 a.m., 631-283-2118; Group for the South Fork, Wolffer Estate, Sagg Road, Sagaponack, 6:30 p.m., 631-537-1400; Collectibles Day, Brooklyn Museum of Art, 200 Eastern Parkway, 11 a.m., mandatory registration, 718-638-5000, ext. 931; Brooklyn Brewery, 79 North 11th Street, 1 p.m., 447-0456.]

Sunday 17th

Streetfest hell in high gear! Avoid the Lower East Side and the entire Hudson River Park strip today …. And at the South Street Seaport, it’s a street festival for cats; free kibble! June is National Adopt-a-Shelter-Cat Month, which we heartily endorse, but just remember, ladies: one cat and you’re Holly Golightly; two cats is O.K. if you have a live-in boyfriend; you can only get away with three if you’re James Wolcott ….

[Lower East Side Festival, Essex and Grand Streets, 11 a.m., 586-2600; Hudson River Park Day, Piers 25-84, 1 p.m., 533-PARK; Purina Cat Chow Tour, South Street Seaport, East River at the foot of Fulton Street, 11 a.m., www.catchow.com.]

Monday 18th

Allure-ming: It’s Eat Dinner With Your Children Day, which makes sense given that half of us forgot Father’s Day yesterday …. Back in the real world, Allure editor Linda Wells, one of the few women’s magazine editors who hasn’t been shaked-and-baked in the past month, throws a book party for one of her magazine’s contributing photographers, Walter Chin …. Hmm, we think we can cobble together a hearty dinner out of warm white wine, little Montrachet tarts and perhaps a miniature bison burger …. Meanwhile-yesterday was Barry Manilow’s birthday! Which means another Big Barry Bash at Don’t Tell Mama. “I am a Manilow fan from age 12,” said producer Laura Davis. “I don’t know if I can make a sweeping statement, but his fans are romantic. His first album cost me $6.99. The songs are getting you through whatever grief you’re going through. This is not a snarky thing. It’s a relatively reverent event. His music is considered to be very safe and vanilla, but he’s done a lot of jazz and swing. I make a point of pulling songs you wouldn’t expect-like he wrote some music for an animated film in which Bette Midler played a pampered poodle.” Our big-cheese editor has commenced a search for his feather boa and Nathan Lane’s phone number.

[Work in Progress, International Center of Photography, 1130 Fifth Avenue, 6 p.m., 866-689-2102; Big Barry Birthday Bash, Don’t Tell Mama, 343 West 46th Street, 7 and 9:30 p.m., 757-0788.]

Tuesday 19th

Cosmo-nauts! You gotta hand it to Cosmopolitan magazine, which just keeps plugging along with its inane, psychopathic “Fun Fearless Female” message, as if Burt Reynolds were still sprawling on a shag rug (and who knows? Perhaps somewhere he is) …. Tonight, Cosmo editor in chief Kate White-who took over from Bonnie Fuller when Ms. Fuller went to Glamour and tried to make it into a bad Cosmo, then tried to parlay that into the editorship of Harper’s Bazaar, which may have been the reason for her swift banishment-kicks off her mag’s “All About Men” issue (as if the regular issues are about anything but trying to please men), which comes out in, um, November …? Boy, we are really scratching for a reason to have a party, ladies! But it beats ducking the onslaught of two more street festivals in the guise of dreaded free outdoor concerts, where the only real draw-since everyone talks louder than the music-is the possibility for sneaking open containers of liquor outdoors: Pete Seeger strums in Battery Park (bottle of beer in a brown paper bag, Tevas, Jenna Bush), while Julius Rudel conducts the Metropolitan Opera in Puccini’s Tosca on Central Park’s Great Lawn (white wine, strappy sandals, Barbara Bush) ….

[All About Men, Pressure, above Bowlmor Lanes, 110 University Place, by invitation only, 649-2141; Pete Seeger, World Financial Center Plaza, 7 p.m., 528-2733; Tosca, Great Lawn, Central Park, 8 p.m., 362-6000.]

Wednesday 20th

Tick tock, tick tock: 24 hours till the Summer Solstice, with all its attendant toe-baring, subway sweating, Tasti D-Lite–slurping …. In the meantime, get ready for a season of picnics (and a season of many, many Amanda Hesser picnic articles in The Times’ Dining In, Dining Out section) by hitting a morning market meeting on pickles, relishes and chutney led by Union Square Cafe chef Michael Romano, who will discuss sugar snap peas, asparagus, spring onions and rhubarb; there’s also a tour of the Greenmarket (watch out for spurting water mains, Florence Fabricant and stray Brits complaining that “the chutney isn’t anything like it is back home-and by the way, could you spot me $5 for a taxi?”)

[Union Square Cafe, 21 East 16th Street, 989-3510, ext. 24.]

Eight Day Week