Eight Day Week

June 5 – June 12, 2002

Wednesday 5th

Proof that Manhattan in June -with its suddenly sultry temperatures, suddenly sulky women lining up for Brazilian bikini waxes ( Zzzzzzip !) and sudden surfeit of Jennifer Lopez videos-continues to go completely loco for all things south of the border: Tonight is the opening party for Noche , a four-level Beaux-Arts bar and restaurant run by former Windows on the World management and “inspired” by modern Latin culture ( how this will translate : dulce de leche martinis; a mango-, guava- and passion-fruit-colored lighting system; and the spirited writhings of an all-girl band, Bandana from Argentina: no relation to the all-girl band Bananarama from our youth – we think ), which will be enjoyed by whippersnapper designer Zac Posen , model Audrey Marnay , artist/socialite/long-last-namer Lulu de Kwiatkowski, junior Sykes sister Alice Sykes and robust stick-man Larry King …. Meanwhile, rich person Beth Rudin De Woody and literary person George Plimpton are set to ogle photographs of Cuba at a benefit for Fundación Amistad , which tries to foster mutual understanding and respect between people of the U.S. and Cuba-good luck ! Finally, Assouline Publishing -yes, the same outfit of French people which brought you the loathsome Bright Young Things series-is throwing a party for Francisca Matteoli , who has written Hotel Stories: Legendary Hideaways of the World , about places like the Coronado in San Diego, Sundance in Utah and a lot of other places we’d like to be carted off to right about now …. We found the author in Paris but, she assured us, “I am Chilean-from Chile!” Her family fled South America in the 1970’s because of a political “situation” and set up shop in the Hotel de Louvre, engendering Ms. Matteoli’s lifelong love of fine pensione . Now she travels a lot with her husband, a plastic surgeon. Have they ever stayed in a Motel 6? “You mean very low hotel, eh ? Really small hotels where you park the car in front of the room? I love that!”

[Noche party, 1604 Broadway, 7 p.m., by invitation only, restaurant opens tomorrow to the public, 541-7070 for reservations; Fundación Amistad benefit, Connors Rosato Gallery, 6 p.m., 631-324-0770; Hotel Stories party, Algonquin Hotel, 59 West 44th Street, 6:30 p.m., by invitation only, 760-5993.]

Thursday 6th

Kline cleans up! Tonight, actor and family man Kevin Kline serves two mistresses : a) perpetually “blowzy” Bette Midler, who in her off hours likes to put on a kerchief and tidy things, and is getting a nice plaque at the Governor’s Parks and Preservation Award Dinner , of which Mr. Kline is an honorary chair; and b) perpetually surly actress Jennifer Jason Leigh, who is being honored by the Film Society of Lincoln Center’s Young Friends. Mr. Kline, his perpetually dewy wife Phoebe Cates , director Robert Altman, and actors Alan Cumming and Tim Robbins will all be there to apply gentle ribbing, followed by a swift chaser of effusive praise for Ms. Leigh’s soon-to-finish run in Proof, in a role currently being “re-interpreted,” to unintended comic effect, by Gwyneth Paltrow in London.

[Governor’s Parks and Preservation Award Dinner, Fort Washington Park, 7 p.m., 685-1095; Film Society of Lincoln Center’s Young Friends of Film Honors, Walter Reade Theater, Lincoln Center, 6 p.m., 875-5630.]

If you’re like us, you grew up with a hippie- manqué mom who weaned you on Scandinavian “yoghurt,” bean sprouts and natural fabrics against an endlessly looped soundtrack of Free to Be … You and Me , the Marlo Thomas–Carl Reiner–Shel Silverstein consciousness-raising musical …. Well, now we’re old enough for a revival, which opens tonight with a big party. “A lot of people in their late 20’s, early 30’s and mid-30’s come and feel rejuvenated,” said director Douglas Carter Beane. “It’s not like Schoolhouse Rock …. You can sing along, but it is so optimistic, and it’s just about possibilities. One girl said it was the perfect show to see the day you get fired.” Meanwhile, this just in for Band of Brothers groupies: It’s the premiere of Windtalkers , a World War II movie starring Nicolas Cage, though after-party information has not yet been confirmed, so you’ll have to just hop in a cab and say, “Follow that bald guy in the limo!”

[ Free to Be … You and Me , Greenwich House Theater, 27 Barrow Street, 8 p.m., 239-6200; Windtalkers premiere, Loews Lincoln Square, 1998 Broadway, 7:30 p.m., by invitation only, 917-351-8600.]

Friday 7th

Is it art or coleslaw? Remember Cloaca , the food-digesting sculpture by some madman Belgian that was at the New Museum? Thought that was disgusting? Stay far away from the meatpacking district … just in general, but especially this weekend, because Alisoun Meehan , who draws big murals of meat, and a brigade of other artists with names like Susan Hamburger , are doing an installation called Unpacked -works about food, or food-related stuff like cutlery or obesity, priced from $25 to $8,000. “It’s really more of a salon,” said Ms. Meehan. “There will be performers doing Butu dancing, wrestling in coleslaw -they’ll be either naked or topless, or painted white and in slow motion, like Tai Chi. There will be people doing stuff with salad bars …. ” We don’t even want to ask about pickles.

[819 & 823 Washington Street, opening party was last night at 6 p.m., exhibit opens today at noon, 718-752-9474.]

Saturday 8th

Wake up today realizing that you don’t have a house in the Hamptons, and that you are never going to have a house in the Hamptons-not even a flea-bitten “share”- because instead you have integrity …. What your integrity will get you today: mingle with problem gamblers and model Iman at the 134th running of the Belmont Stakes (those poor little horsies going clip-clop,clip-clop, clip-clop ! ); or mingle with marauding Buddhists on Rollerblades at Change Your Mind Day in Central Park, an afternoon of meditation, inspirational talks and music; or mingle with hapless Lucky editors at the Fashion Footwear Association’s Shoe Expo, as they go clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop !

[Belmont Stakes, 12:30 p.m., Belmont Park, 718-217-LIRR; Change Your Mind Day, Great Hill, Central Park, 12:30 p.m., 800-950-7008; New York Shoe Expo, New York Hilton, 1335 Avenue of the Americas, 8:30 a.m., 751-6422.]

Sunday 9th

Innocent until proven Guild-y! Showbiz glam … on a Sunday? It can happen, but it’s not going to be easy when go-go grandma Tipper Gore joins Susan Sarandon’s live-in, the very tall and sort of googly Tim Robbins, both in pantsuits, to stump for Al 2004 and present a trophy to Spike Lee at the Directors Guild of America Honors , which try to be all “New York” and “snooty” (i.e., Richard Belzer is hosting), but are really more just like three hours’ worth of the Irving G. Thalberg portion of the Oscars. It’s black tie, you lovable slob, and for goodness’ sake, don’t forget the macrobiotic gorp for Gwynnie!

[Waldorf-Astoria, 301 Park Avenue, 6 p.m., 573-9166.]

Monday 10th

Pans or pansies? How about both ? Besieged Met catcher Mike Piazza -we hear his teammates are being pretty obnoxious to him-was invited to join Victoria Gotti at the launch party for his good friend Joey DeKama’s Joey Pots & Pans Italian sauce, but he has an “away” game …. “I’ve tasted all the other sauces, and I have a better mousetrap,” said Mr. DeKama, a regular at Rao’s with his pal, gonzo private investigator Bo Deitl. “There’s nothing wrong with them; they just don’t have that homemade flavor. We bottle it quickly-it goes from the kettle to the jar. There’s arrabiata, which is hot and spicy, a marinara and a vodka sauce, and one more coming.” Paul Newman, move over ! Meanwhile, attire is “upscale chic” over at Village Care of New York’s “Tulips and Pansies” benefit. There will be a floral-headdress show and competition featuring models and drag performers-including Shequida, America’s only Juilliard-trained operatic gender illusionist …. Uptown, Jane Stanton Hitchcock celebrates her high-society murder novel, Social Crimes , with the unlikely literati of Talk Miramax books as the Krug family (champagne people) pop many corks and welcome Prince Dimitri of Yugoslavia, Count and Countess Riprand Von Arco, and jolly socialite Marjorie Gubelmann … Burp .

[Joey Pots & Pans launch party, Nino’s, 1354 First Avenue, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 243-0976; Tulips and Pansies, the Supper Club, 240 West 47th Street, 7 p.m., 337-5750; Jane Stanton Hitchcock, Swifty’s, 1007 Lexington Avenue, 6 p.m., by invitation only, 625-5040; Krug gala, Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum, Smithsonian Institution, 2 East 91st Street, by invitation only, 7 p.m., 888-7575, ext. 48.]

Tuesday 11th

“She wasn’t even twenty-one yet …. ” So reads the closest thing to a dirty excerpt from John McEnroe’s autobiography, You Cannot Be Serious . (The tennis god was describing the warm October night he first met his ex-wife, child actress Tatum O’Neal. ) Tonight, the game’s last genius talks, takes questions and signs copies of the tome for New Yorkers, who really understand him-and yes, this may be the highest level of male tennis excitement you’re going to get this year …. Which reminds us, only 75 daystill the U.S. Open! And there’s still time for Pete Sampras to divorce his strength-sapping starlet wife and make a startling comeback ! Remember how Andre Agassi surged back after ditching Brooke Shields? Today it’s the “other” U.S. Open (golf), and Golf Digest invites Donald Trump, Si Newhouse, Graydon Carter, Anna Wintour, Carson Daly and some models to a big, big party at a big, big estate in celebration of this tournament. Fore!

[John McEnroe appearance, CUNY Grad Center, 365 Fifth Avenue, 7 p.m., 366-2562; Golf Digest party, Oheka castle, Cold Spring Hills, 7 p.m., by invitation only, 682-7700.]

Wednesday 12th

Street-festival alert goes to DEFCON 4: “live” music, dance, dripping ice-cream cones, crocheted tea cozies, inexplicable wooden puzzles, strange meats, naughtily dressed nannies -between now and late September, no neighborhood is safe! Tonight, an odd mixture of wryness and earnestness as that old piano-playin’ codger, Randy Newman , opens the Hudson River Festival at Battery Park City’s freshly reopened Esplanade. Let your freak flag fly along with your American flag, because the concert is free and so are you!

[The Plaza, World Financial Center, 7 p.m., 528-2733.] Eight Day Week