Eight Day Week

Wednesday 11th

Fashion Week traipses on, leaving every female in its wake feeling bad about her body , except us (honey, an awkward silence would be comfortable in our body). It’s been two days since Oscar de la Renta’s show, and a week since we ruffled his ruffles by implying that he’d tacked on the “de la” …. So he spontaneously called our office, nearly causing us to choke on our Mentos. “I just wanted to clarify this with you,” said himself. “Maybe others add on the ‘de la’ for commercial purposes, or to make them sound more interesting, and even the taxi drivers are called ‘de la something ‘-but in this particular case, that is my name. If you do research, you will find out the reason I call myself “de la Renta” : One of my great-grandfathers was the mayor of a city in Puerto Rico called Ponce. My name comes from him, and it is my right to call myself that. I do not pretend to be of any origin that I am not. You said I ‘recently acquired’ the ‘de la,’ but I’ve been this since I was born, and I’m now 71. That does not seem so recent to me.” We kissed and made up with Mr. DE LA Renta , who then invited us to his show. Later, men pour themselves a stiffy at the Victoria’s Secret soirée ce soir . Models Giselle (toned and tawny), Adriana Lima , below, (raven-haired, blue-eyed), Oluchi Onweagba (five times fast!) and Tyra Banks (America’s Next Top Model diva) will link bony elbows and play hostess. Why? They’re launching a new book, Victoria’s Secret Backstage Sexy; A Limited-Edition Book of Provocative Photography , featuring supposedly too-hot-for-the-catalog pics. Speaking of, at last year’s party we watched a cigarette-wielding partygoer accidentally light someone’s hair on fire, and-words really cannot do it justice ….

[Victoria’s Secret party, Spice Market, 403 West 13th Street, 9 p.m., by invitation only.]

Thursday 12th

Want to wake up next to a Glamour editor? Ply yourself with caffeine at Glamour magazine’s “Morning Tea and Touch-Ups” party (breakfast, manicures, massages, makeup) On the catwalks: Cynthia Rowley, Carmen Marc Valvo , Peter Som , Behnaz Sarafpour and Zac Posen . In other news, it’s Charles Darwin Day! The New York City Atheists (everyone, basically) gather to celebrate Mr. Galapagos’ theory that we were spawned not from God, but through biological evolution, which then weeds out the weak through natural selection: hence Vogue . Remarks by anthropologist and historian Richard Milner. Later, take the train to bushy Billyburg for the Valentine’s Day Ball: Ladyfest*East, the grassroots nonprofit organization supporting women in the arts, holds a Project Fund-R-Pants auction, selling panties decorated by feminist artists and scholars like Sarah Dougher and Harvard prof Carol Gilligan. Lady Lori Barrett came up with the idea. “I was thinking in terms of that Victoria’s Secret bra they were selling for millions of dollars. I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be fun to do something that was a little more meaningful and gaudy and artistic to support women and women in the arts?’ The panties are starting to come in, and they’re great! There’s one really terrific artist named Hope Perkins who covered the underpants in glitter. They look like Wonder Woman underpants.”

[ Glamour magazine’s Morning Tea and Touch-Ups, Bryant Park Hotel, 40 West 40th Street, by invitation only; Charles Darwin Day, 352 Seventh Avenue, 16th floor, 6:30 p.m., 212-535-7425; Hair Ball, Union Pool, 484 Union Avenue, Williamsburg, 8 p.m., www.ladyfesteast.org.]

Friday 13th

Friday the 13th- and the last day of Fashion Week. Coincidence? … the human hangers at Richard Tyler Couture (velvet pantsuits) and Ralph Lauren prance down the runway and then hang themselves up. Fashion editors go back to presiding over “How to Wear a Tunic” articles. At the Landmark Sunshine Theater, see the Rex Reed–approved flick Charlie: The Life and Art of Charles Chaplin , which begins its limited exclusive engagement with a Q. and A. with director Richard Schickel. The place’ll be packed with thick-goggled cineastes.

[All shows by invitation only: Ralph Lauren, the Annex, 545 West 22nd Street, 11 a.m.; Richard Tyler Couture, Atelier, Bryant Park, 2 p.m.; Charlie , for information go to www.landmarktheatres.com.]

Saturday 14th

Raise your hand if you only knew today was Valentine’s Day because the Google logo changed. Meanwhile, toxic bachelors and psychotic bachelorettes have spent the past week trying to figure out how to best say “Happy Valentine’s Day” ironically …. If you don’t have a sweetheart, follow the tight buttocks of the Urban Park Rangers around as they show you Central Park’s most romantic locales (Bow Bridge, Belvedere Castle, the Ramble). Those who dislike Bush and bush alight to the White Party gay-la, where the boys are thumbing their noses at the administration with this year’s theme: the “Traditional Wedding Reception.” Others find fools for love and just plain fools at the “Don’t Be Alone on Valentine’s Day!” singles mixer hosted by the Eight at Eight Dinner Club. By the way , our last boyfriend dumped us on our birthday -via cell phone -from another girl’s party. (When he called to request we return one of his shirts … we mailed it back. Piece by piece.) So grab an ex’s article of clothing, photo, sex toy or any other of their cr*p you still have and head to Z100’s ” Shred Your Ex” Valentine’s Day Party. There will be ceremonial shreddings and performances by Jai Rodriguez , Queer Eye’s “culture vulture,” whose purpose on the show is utterly baffling …. Or if you’d rather keep it real, attend Gallery Henoch’s opening reception for its invitational 2004 show, with work by artists David Barnett, Derek Buckner, Antonio Carreño, Arthur Carter, Dmitri Cavander, Guy Diehl, Max Ginsberg, Henry Richardson, John Randall Younger and Elizabeth Wilson.

[Meet at Romeo and Juliet statue, near the Delacorte Theater at 81st Street, 4 p.m., www.nyc.gov/parks; Eight at Eight happy hour, Local Cafe, 1004 Second Avenue, 8 p.m., 212-629-8445; Opening reception, Gallery Henoch, 555 West 25th Street, 4 to 6 p.m., 917-305-0003; Z100’s Shred Your Ex Valentine’s Day Party, Webster Hall, 125 East 11th Street, 11 p.m., www.z100.com; the White Party, the Roxy, 515 West 18th Street, 11 p.m., 212-674-8541.]

Sunday 15th

“God, it’s awful out,” said Joel Grey when we called him at his Manhattan home. “You know what bugs me? The darkness. It’s the end of the day-or the world . Yuck!” Tonight, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS is auctioning off bears made in the images of actors and theater characters-get your Jerry Orbach teddy, kids!-autographed by the actors. “My first bear -this is my second bear-was the Master of Ceremonies (from Cabaret) ,” said Mr. Grey. “This year’s bear is the gorilla! The gorilla bear is sort of … what animal is that? The gorilla-bear. Or a borilla ?”

[The Broadway Bears VII, B.B. King Blues Club and Grill, 237 West 42nd Street, private reception begins at 6 p.m., doors open at 7 p.m., auction begins at 8 p.m., 212-840-0770.]

Monday 16th

“Some people maybe need a little bit of a push, so I’m gonna give them one!” said 27-year-old Stacy Berman, a physical trainer who will be standing at 86th Street and Central Park West at 5:30 a.m. today (wave to her from the cab on your way home). “I also have the people that are just ready and willing to go as far as they can, and then I’m gonna jump on your back and make you jog with me on your back,” she said, somewhat enticingly. “It’s a tough-love approach to training.” Meanwhile, the queasy, not-yet-in-the-bag transition from TV to movies continues for the cast of Sex and the City : Tonight, Chris Noth stars in the TNT movie Bad Apple . Why do we get the feeling that most of the Sex and the City cast will end up playing “the clueless white neighbor” on various WB sitcoms?

[Stacy’s Bootcamp, 86th Street and Central Park West, 5:30 a.m., 917-269-6955; Bad Apple world premiere, TNT, 9 p.m.]

Tuesday 17th

Her brother bought New York magazine, but Wendy Wasserstein gets all the babes -today, as she M.C.’s a panel comprising ABC’s Claire Shipman, NBC’s Campbell Brown and CNN’s Judy Woodruff at Le Bernardin. Topic: the future of politics. Brace yourself for raucous applause the first time one of the panelists mentions Hillary . Cool down with chanteuse and former One Life to Live star Christine Ebersole , who sings love songs to the soused and smiley at Feinstein’s.

[“Uncommon Women,” Le Bernardin, 155 West 51st Street, 5:30 p.m., by invitation only; Christine Ebersole at Feinstein’s at the Regency, 540 Park Avenue, 8:30 p.m., 212-339-4095.]

Wednesday 18th

Believe it or not, there was a time when young women writers got published without perkily posing in a camisole for The New Yorker -tonight, a quadruplet of National Book Award winners holds forth on “the writing life.” We called Shirley Hazzard, 73, winner of the award for fiction at her home ( “that big monster,” she calls it) on East 66th. How would she characterize her writing life in New York? “In New York, there’s a kind of soft beating on the windows all the time; even if you clear the decks, all this is going on outside.” So are you able to get work done? “I do-yes, indeed. But between you and me, not this winter! Because I had that book out last October, and after that my life has been temporarily convulsed with many, many things to do. And what I’m doing is beginning to work subversively in my head, so that when I go to Italy in March, I’ll be able to sit down and begin to put it on paper.”

[“The Writing Life,” New York Public Library, 6:30 p.m., 212-685-0261.] Eight Day Week