Eight Day Week

Wednesday 28th

Hedwig gets hitched? Freedom to Marry , a nonprofit lobbying group for the right to gay marriage , gets not-so-straight couples to dance in the aisles at today’s WEDrock benefit. Actor John Cameron Mitchell, of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame, will preside. “It’s just that when someone tells you that you can’t do something , whether you like it or not, it’s like, ‘F*** you! And you call yourself a Republican -you know, government staying out of your life and all?'” Mr. Mitchell ranted from his West Village digs. “And Dick Cheney and his daughter-how pathetic are they? I mean, come on-if it’s all about the pursuit of happiness, why are you submerging your own freedom to get votes? It’s just so hypocritical.” Coming out to support the cause: Sandra Bernhard, Penny Arcade, the bandmates of Le Tigre. “It’ll be rock ‘n’ roll,” Mr. Mitchell said. “Alan Cumming is going to host, and I’m gonna sing with three different entities . I’m going to duet with Margaret Cho! And it looks like Lou Reed is going to do something.” Mr. Mitchell turned 41 last week (tick- tock- tick- tock) ; does he want to get married eventually? “I think I do! But, oh God, think of the alimony . Of course, there’s already palimony in the gay community now, so I suppose that’s unavoidable.” What’s he up to these days? “I’m working on my film, Shortbus , which is something I’m having problems financing because part of the deal is that the actors actually have real sex in the film . So companies are a little alarmed-regular funding sources are terrifie d-although certainly everyone’s intrigued. I always wondered why sex couldn’t be used for the power of good in film, something that was other than porn. French films have been using it lately, but it’s always been kind of grim.” Mais oui .

[WEDrock, Crobar, 530 West 28th Street, 8 p.m., 800-494-TIXS.]

Thursday 29th

The New York Times ‘ Style section reporters stop breaking already-broken stories long enough to hit the Boys and Girls Club Annual Clothing Sale (Versace, Pucci, Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs–y vintage threads) . Beware of women who own the DVD boxed set of Sex and the City , which has donated set pieces and props from the show. If you’re more into running races than pantyhose, the creamy-skinned folks at Kiehl’s are trying to break the world’s record for the longest distance run on a treadmill . The sample-happy store has commissioned two seasoned ultra-marathoners ( huff-huff-huff ) to run 154 miles in 24 hours to raise money for YouthAIDS . One of them is Kiehl’s employee Christopher Bergland , 38, who has completed over 20, uh, Ironmans? Ironmen? “An Ironman is like a day at the office now,” he said from his office at Kiehl’s. “In 2000 I won the Triple Ironman , where I biked for 21 hours nonstop, swam in a lake for seven miles, then got out and ran 78 miles. I did that in 38 hours, and I won it the following two years as well. It was brought to the U.S. by the Germans.” Who else? “We’re trying to do six marathons in 24 hours back to back. It’s going to be a grueling, very raw experience. It’s not the big things , like muscles, stamina and breathing; it’s things like chafing and blistering . The bottoms of your feet become raw skin , and that’s one of the biggest difficulties: It starts to dominate your thoughts. You’re constantly thinking, ‘My feet are on fire, my feet are on fire …. ‘ Who knows, maybe someone watching will think, ‘These guys are running 150 miles, so maybe I should go run two miles.'” Meanwhile, real-estate brokers know from culture: Tonight, Corcoran senior vice president Pat Palermo goes the extra square foot and throws a bash for a reel classic, Celeste Holm . In honor of Ms. Holm’s 85th birthday, there will be a tribute screening of Gentleman’s Agreement , in which she starred with the incomparable Gregory Peck . His daughter, Cecelia Peck , mingles with stage types like Joel Grey , Kitty Carlisle Hart and Julie Garfield . Six blocks uptown: musician-turned-shoe-peddler Carlos Santana , television darling Cicely Tyson and former Mayor David Dinkins rise to the occasion at the Let Us Break Bread Together Awards Dinner (as if people in this town still eat bread-or dinner, for that matter). Columbia University president Lee Bollinger doles out awards to the do-gooders along with Karenna Gore Schiff , who’s on her way to becoming the Kate Hudson of politics. Your bread goes to the Harlem Congregations for Community Improvement .

[Grenville Baker Boys and Girls Club Annual Clothing Sale, 135 Forest Avenue, Locust Valley, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., 212-759-5437; Treadathalon, Kiehl’s flagship store, 109 Third Avenue, 8 a.m., 212-677-3171; Gentleman’s Agreement screening, Town Hall, 123 West 43rd Street, 7:30 p.m., 212-307-4100; Let Us Break Bread Together, Rainbow Room, Rockefeller Plaza, 49 West 49th Street, 6 p.m., 212-889-4694.]

Friday 30th

Yaddo has run out of wine and prophylactics , so tonight the artists’ and writers’ colony gathers its brood (actors Eric Stoltz and Laura Linney ; author Rick Moody ; the downtown trifecta of Parker Posey , Laurie Anderson and Lou Reed ) for a downtowny benefit presided over by screenwriter-turned-director Hampton Fancher and Brooklyn scribe Jonathan Lethem . Later, director John Waters (the Lou Reed of the film industry) ventures above 10th Street to screen and discuss his film Cecil B. Demented , which our own Rex Reed once called a “filthy sendup of Hollywood commercialism [that] is so witless and over the top it almost makes me nostalgic for Divine crawling through pig shit.” It all goes down at the New School -and, by the by, has anyone ever graduated from this place?

[Yaddo benefit, Capitale, 130 Bowery, 6:30 p.m., www.yaddo.org for information; Cecil B. Demented screening and John Waters discussion, the New School, 66 West 12th Street, 7 p.m., 212-229-8903.]

Saturday 1st

Our swampy neighbor to the south (Washington, D.C.) struts at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner , which is the East Coast’s answer to the Vanity Fair Oscar party. Boy-toy Ben Affleck joins actors George Clooney , Mary Louise Parker , Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen ; sports types like Anna Kournikova and Serena Williams ; newscast mavens Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters ; and ABC late-night fratboy Jimmy Kimmel . Al Franken is lowered from the sky, dressed head to toe in white, to raucous cheers …. We sez: Skip the dinner and hit the Bloomberg after-party , where the real fun begins. But first, it’s National Bike Month ! To celebrate, the Cathedral of St. John the Divine has a Blessing of the Bicycles , honoring every midtown messenger who’s ever had a run-in with a car door. The Reverend Canon Thomas Miller will sprinkle a bike with holy water (the ultimate metaphysical get-out-of-Hell-free card) while bagpipes strain in the background. But two hours before your bike gets blessed, the recent proliferation of pasty legs continues at the Revlon Run/Walk for Women to raise money for women with cancer. Double-knotting their sneaks: Jane Pauley , gracefully aging Isabella Rossellini , cutesy actress Kristin Davis , sultry Eva Mendes (the Latina Cindy Crawford). Finally tonight, Williamsburg trust-fund hipsters flock to Tribeca as the faux-indie corporate schmooze-fest that is the Tribeca Film Festival unrolls the red carpets and kicks things off with the premiere of Raising Helen (starring John Corbett and luminous Kate Hudson as a pampered New Yorker who finds herself the guardian of her sister’s three kids).

[White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Bloomberg after-party, 2126 Wyoming Avenue NW, Washington, D.C., 212-893-3450, by invitation only; Blessing of the Bicycles, the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, 112th Street and Amsterdam Avenue, 9:30 a.m., 212-316-7540; Revlon Run/Walk, 7:30 a.m., Times Square, 212-379-3199, www.revlonrunwalk.com; Raising Helen gala premiere, Tribeca Performing Arts Center 1, 7:30 p.m., www.tribecafilmfestival.org.]

Sunday 2nd

He put Julia Roberts into hooker boots long before they were the rage on Madison Avenue, and this afternoon director Garry Marshall ( Pretty Woman , Beaches ) gets fêted at that humongous multiplex in Battery Park City …. Eventually make your way to the Four Seasons for the Catch-Up on the Kitchen Caper benefit, where proceeds go to the Irvington Institute for Immunological Research and stalwarts like our honorable Mayor, some Lauders , Cords , Bronfmans and Kravises serve themselves in the kitchen. Leave before Hizzoner steals your lunch money.

[Marshall Magic: A Tribute, UA Battery Park Stadium 11, 102 North End Avenue, 1 to 2:30 p.m., 866-941-FEST; Irvington Institute Annual “Through the Kitchen Dinner,” the Four Seasons Restaurant, 99 East 52nd Street, 7 p.m. by invitation only.]

Monday 3rd

Busts, Bowie and burps ! Danny Katz , fancy London art dealer, hops across the pond to these shores to show off some of his sculpture inventory at Dickinson Roundell. We spoke to his right-hand man, Stuart Lochhead , still stuck at the Old Bond Street HQ, who told us that the anointed few would be privy to “a really wonderful collection of Romanesque corpos” and one “lovely, fully painted terra-cotta bust of St. John the Baptist.” He added that St. John is usually depicted alongside Jesus Christ, and these “very gentle, very tender” sculptures were often put into children’s bedroom to encourage religious thought. (Now they just get a poster from The Passion …. ) Then swan your pretty self over to the Hammerstein Ballroom, where everyone and his bald uncle will be attending yet another promo party with expensive card-stock invitations and puzzling titles. Tommy Hilfiger muse and pioneer of feathered eye-shadow David Bowie will be performing, “unconventional personalities” such as William H. Macy will be attending, and Natalie Portman shows up because, well, why the hell not? Meanwhile , bibliophiles uncork at Capitale, where supermodel-turned-save-the-worlder Angela Lindvall and New Line co-chair Michael Lynne host the Windows on Long Island Wine benefit. We bet you had no idea that Long Island is one of the country’s most threatened agricultural regions, and that Mr. Lynne has his very own vineyard, called Bedell Cellars , tucked away on the North Fork. So now you do.

[European Sculpture, Daniel Katz exhibiting at Dickinson Roundell Inc., 19 East 66th Street, 6 to 8 p.m. by invitation only; Never Follow Gala, Hammerstein Ballroom,

311 West 34th Street, 7:30 to 10:30 p.m. by invitation only; Windows on Long Island Wine, Capitale, 130 Bowery, 6 to 9 p.m.,

by invitation only.]

Tuesday 4th

Olsen Code Orange: The suddenly ubiquitous Olsen sisters JetBlue back into town for the premiere of New York Minute , also starring Eugene Levy -actor, comedian, writer, muse of a generation of thick-browed thespians …. Nearby, Cooper Union hosts an evening with director extraordinaire Julie Taymor , who’s responsible for the Broadway version of The Lion King , the films Titus and Frida , and is one of the many folks who have reportedly endured a tantrum from cuddly Harvey Weinstein. Meanwhile, C-listers run to the C-Class Facelift Comedy Night, where Joan Rivers works in some new blue material.

[ New York Minute premiere, Tribeca Performing Arts Center 1, 4:30 p.m., www.tribecafilmfestival.org; “Playing with Fire: The Art of Julie Taymor,” the Cooper Union, the Great Hall, 7 East Seventh Street at Third Avenue,

6 p.m., www.cooper.edu; C-Class Facelift Comedy Night with Joan Rivers, Time Cafe and Fez Theater, 380 Lafayette Street, 6:30 p.m.,

by invitation only.]

Wednesday 5th

Cinco de Mayo! Mexico celebrates its overthrow of the French in 1862 . Stay the hell away from Tortilla Flats unless you want to see twentysomethings so saturated with alcohol that when they take a sip, booze actually spills back into the margarita glass. At Lincoln Center, Sex and the City ‘s love piñata, Sarah Jessica Parker , pulls on a tutu to host the New York City Ballet Spring Gala, celebrating 100 years of Balanchine, man-tights and eating disorders. Swingin’ and frisky socialite Nina Griscom and others bend an ear to not-so-placid singer Plácido Domingo …. Meanwhile, we’ve always thought Law and Order ‘s virtuous D.A., Jack McCoy, would make a kickass President. And, as usual, we’re right! Tonight, actor and thinking woman’s sex symbol Sam Waterston snaps on faux whiskers and channels Abe Lincoln to reenact his “Right Makes Might” address arguing against slavery. Author Harold Holzer -who knows his way around a set of Lincoln Logs-will be hocking his new tome Lincoln at Cooper Union: The Speech That Made Abraham Lincoln President .

[New York City Ballet Spring Gala, New York State Theater, Lincoln Center, 7:30 p.m.,

870-5570; “Right Makes Might” reenactment, Great Hall, Cooper Union, 7 East

Seventh Street, 6:30 p.m., www.cooper.edu.] Eight Day Week