Eight Day Week

Wednesday 8th

Clippity-clop, clippity-clop! Those aren’t the sounds of last week’s police horsies …. Those peeps have been replaced by herds of praying-mantis-like women , tottering down the formerly convention-clogged Seventh Avenue in their Marc Jacobs, screaming at their assistants (“You c*cksucker !”) over their camera-phones with enough spite to make Zell Miller’s convention speech sound like Mr. Rogers . That’s right: It’s Fashion Week! And just as the city has exhaled the R.N.C., so has it inhaled all the Hamptons refugees (read: chickens ) who fled the festivities, plus oodles and oodles of noodley models. The day starts with Allure magazine’s “Best of Beauty Awards” breakfast at the Four Seasons-acres of blowouts with perfectly shaded (and comped) highlights, minimal eating and lots of talk about “a smoky eye.” Next! For the men (no more to metrosexual!), Kenneth Cole, Perry Ellis and John Bartlett show their spring lines. For the ladies , Tocca -a favorite amongst such “thinking” ingenues as Julia Stiles and Reese Witherspoon-got its spring inspiration, according to its rep, from “Fellini films, particularly Roma . The colors and themes were created with the Mediterranean in mind. Basically, it’s all about a carefree Italian lifestyle.” Of course, the only thing remotely Italian around here are those irritating Vespas, on which you could scoot west a few blocks for the Lacoste show, which continues to push the envelope on the return of preppy and begs the question: Where would they be without that adorable alligator? If you’re one of those people who sniff at things as petty as fashion shows, the New York City Opera opens for the season with a gala dinner performance of Daphne by Richard Strauss as a benefit for- itself ! How retro! Tables for 10 range from $10,000 to $50,000 (presumably, for 50K they throw in a lap dance) . Too uptown? Organic Styl e , a magazine dedicatedtohealthyliving ( yaaaaaawn) , toasts supermodel and September cover girl Angela Lindvall at the West Village “hot spot” Hue . Inside, expect to find a stream of Fashion Week slop looking for free schwag and to get in on the silent auction of items like Burberry raincoats, spa packages and custom garden designs. “We wanted to celebrate the new look and visual personality of the magazine, and Angela is the perfect representative of the benefits of a natural, healthy lifestyle,” said Jeanie Pyun, editor in chief. Hmmm-wonder where our diet (Wheat Thins and Parliament Lights) fits in? “If you follow this lifestyle, you honestly will have more energy,” insisted Ms. Pyun. Can we go home now?

[ Allure Best of Beauty Breakfast, the Four Seasons, 99 East 52nd Street, 8:30 a.m., by invitation only; Kenneth Cole Spring Collection, Bryant Park, 10 a.m.; Perry Ellis Men’s Collection, Bryant Park, 1 p.m.; John Bartlett Collection, Harvard Club, 27 West 44th Street, 6 to 7:30 p.m.; Tocca, 581 Sixth Avenue, fifth floor, noon to 3 p.m.; Lacoste, the Waterfront, 261 11th Avenue, 8 p.m. (all fashion shows by invitation only); New York City Opera gala, New York State Theater at Lincoln Center, 65th and Columbus, 6 p.m., 212-925-2300; Organic Style party, Hue, 91 Charles Street, 7 p.m., by invitation only.]

Thursday 9th

They’re bringing out the heavy hitters: perennial Oscar-dresser Carolina Herrera , lunching-ladies favorite (the late) Bill Blass , friend to bridesmaids Nicole Miller and American Flag user Tommy Hilfiger all put on a show in the big tent at Bryant Park today. But judging from the variety of parties, it turns out that Thursday is the new Thursday after all. Ann Taylor celebrates its “50th Anniversary with Vogue ” magazine-although it’s hard to imagine any Vogue staffers actually shopping there-with a silent auction of 50 portraits of “amazing women,” all photographed by Annie Leibovitz , to benefit the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Among the guests, look for a score of supermodels from yesteryear, including Linda Evangelista , Paulina Porizkova , Cheryl Tiegs and, of course, the always impressively frosty Anna Wintour . The invite says cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, and it’s anyone’s guess which one that guest list will be drawn to. Meanwhile, FHM and Red Bull are intriguingly sponsoring a “Welcome Home” party for breast-strokin’ Olympian cutie Amanda Beard . Further south, in the charmingly yet-to-be-discovered meatpacking district ( sigh ), Earnest Sewn celebrates a new denim label launch from trouser designer Scott Morrison , formerly of Paper Denim & Cloth , that boasts a secret 18-hour jean-making process and brags that names like Brad , Charlize and Gyllenhaal have already lined up. “It’s all about the process,” said the flack for the label. “It’s very intense, and the jeans look vintage-perfect.” The Donnas will be spinning, and the Olsen twins are rumored to be making an appearance-which is worth it just to see if the thin one has caught up to the normal one yet.

[Carolina Herrera, Bryant Park, 10 a.m., Bill Blass, Bryant Park, 2 p.m.; Nicole Miller, Bryant Park, 7 p.m.; Tommy Hilfiger, Bryant Park, 8 p.m. (all fashion shows by invitation only); Ann Taylor 50th Anniversary Celebration with Vogue , Chelsea Art Museum, 556 West 22nd Street, third floor,

6 to 8 p.m., by invitation only; Earnest Sewn Launch Party, 71 Gansevoort Street, 9 p.m. to midnight, by invitation only.]

Friday 10th

We hate to stoop to throwing words around like Schadenfreude , but we are fascinated by the rumors of perfect couple Kate and Andy Spade separating (is there an appropriate paper product for that?). This morning they are united-in fashion, at least-for a breakfast show of women’s and men’s accessory lines (the invitations , printed on napkins , were unsurprisingly perfect, harrumph ). Reigning bridal queen Vera Wang is up today, as are Lower East Side favorites Cynthia Rowley , Custo Barcelona and the latest “It” boy, Zac Posen . If you consider yourself part of the everybody who loves Ray Romano , he’ll be at the Upper West Side’s Barnes & Noble signing his latest, Everybody Loves Raymond: Our Family Album . If you have any energy to push past the Wall Street wankers trying to pick up Asian chicks on the patio, haute-porn photographer Terry Richardson is having a party at the Hiro Ballroom in the Maritime Hotel after his show, Terryworld , at Deitch on Grand Street.

[Kate Spade/Jack Spade Spring Accessory Collection, 48 West 25th Street, seventh floor, 8 to 10 a.m.; Vera Wang, Bryant Park, 10 a.m; Cynthia Rowley, Elizabeth Street Gardens, at Prince and Spring, 6 p.m.; Custo Barcelona, Bryant Park, 7 p.m.; Zac Posen, Bryant Park, 8 p.m. (all fashion shows by invitation only); Everybody Loves Raymond signing, Barnes & Noble, 1972 Broadway, 1 p.m.; Terry Richardson party, Hiro Ballroom, Maritime Hotel, 150 West 16th Street, 9 p.m., by invitation only.]

Saturday 11th

Watch the fashion world try to balance the anniversary of ” the tragedy ” while hawking overpriced clothes -it’s a high-wire act , we tell you! Trying to strike the proper balance is cuddle-bunny Kimora Lee Simmons with her Baby Phat line (presented, worryingly, by Motorola), whimsical Jeremy Scott and rising star Alexandre Herchcovitch . If you want to do something nice , there’s the “Celebrate New York” benefit at the Knitting Factory featuring alt-rock band Coppermine , raising money for the New York City Coalition Against Hunger. The goal, according to the press release, is “to make September 11th an annual day to beautify, educate, and improve our community.” Let’s start by tearing down those ugly tents ruining the lawn at Bryant Park …. And if you get a free moment today, say something nice to a New York City police officer-they’ve kept the city safe for the past three years and deserve a round of thanks.

[Baby Phat by Kimora Lee Simmons, 275 Hudson Street, 8 p.m.; Jeremy Scott, Bryant Park, 6 p.m.; Alexandre Herchcovitch, Bryant Park, 1 p.m. (all fashion shows by

invitation only); Celebrate New York 9/11 Benefit, the Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard Street, 6 to 9 p.m., www.celebratenyc.org.]

Sunday 12th

Who’s up today? Celebrity favorite Diane von Furstenberg and her new line (we’re guessing something to do with a wrap dress), Palm Beach princess Lilly Pulitzer and the spawn of Jack, the fortysomething Jennifer Nicholson, who designs So-Cal chic threads . If you’re one of the very few who has not been dragged, kicking and screaming, by a grandparent, uncle or college friend to see De La Guarda , tonight is your last chance as the Off Broadway phenom bids adieu to New York, going out, as they say, on (ahem) a “high” note. The party du jour comes from perfumer Coty , celebrating its 100th birthday with, as the sparkly invitation puts it, “an evening of fun and dance under the stars.” On the guest list: the recently elusive Mrs. Marc Anthony (J. Lo), luminous Isabella Rossellini , über -designer Marc Jacobs and not-cast-enough-ever-since-he-became-a-socialite-hubby Matthew Modine . One of those Ronson kids will be spinning in the D.J. booth.

[Diane von Furstenberg, 389 West 12th Street, 6 p.m.; Lilly Pulitzer, Bryant Park,

11 a.m.; Jennifer Nicholson, Bryant Park,

9 p.m. (all fashion shows by invitation only); De La Guarda , Daryl Roth Theatre,

20 Union Square East, 7 p.m., www.delaguardanyc.com; Coty’s 100th Birthday

Celebration, American Museum of Natural History’s Rose Center for Earth and Space, West 81st Street and Central Park West,

9 p.m. to midnight, by invitation only.]

Monday 13th

Expect a frisson of excitement coming from Bryant Park as the fashionistas wait with bated breath to see what Marc Jacobs says is “in” for spring. Other biggies: First Lady dresser Oscar de la Renta , wacky Betsey Johnson and Barbra Streisand favorite Donna Karan . Further downtown, SELF magazine celebrates it self (get it?) and the new SELF Center (see Wednesday, Sept. 15) in the West Village. The women’s magazine is celebrating it’s 25th anniversary and music will be provided by yet another Ronson. ( Zzzzzz …. ) And speaking of ladies, the estrogen level is sure to be sky high at the “Vaginas Vote, Chicks Rock” event at the Apollo Theater. ( Quick thought : Doesn’t it sound like a Salvador Dalí painting? Second quick thought : What would the public reaction be if liberal male actors and political figures were running around town holding events titled ” Penis Power “?) Anyway : Expect female entertainers of all varieties, with Susan Sarandon, Julia Stiles and Gloria Steinem (we hope she’s singing), among others, putting on a night “of entertainment and political empowerment.” And yet none of them would get on the phone to talk about it! So, moving on-and in much friendlier territory- The 24 Hour Plays on Broadway work to challenge actors and raise money for a good cause … and they even have people who will talk about it! “This is my third year in a row doing this, and it’s always so much fun and there is always great energy,” said Gaby Hoffmann , the sweetest of indie actresses (remember her as a wee one in Field of Dreams ?). Six writers, six directors, 24 actors and staff meet, write, rehearse and perform original plays all in-you guessed it!-24 hours. This year’s participants include the always-dancin’ Sam Rockwell ; the not nearly appreciated enough John C. Reilly ; Billy Crudup ; Six Feet’s favorite ghost, Lili Taylor ; and Marisa Tomei -who, interestingly enough, is listed on the aforementioned Vagina press release, too. Hmmmm . Proceeds from the evening go to Working Playground Inc. , a nonprofit that provides art education citywide. “I’m just grateful that there are people to organize it,” said Ms. Hoffman, who claims that even after a grueling 24 hours, one remains energized. “You’ve got such an adrenaline rush that you just want to go out for some drinks .” Our kind of girl.

[Marc Jacobs, Pier 54, Hudson Street at 13th Street, 9 p.m.; Oscar de la Renta, Bryant Park, 10 a.m.; Betsey Johnson,

Maritime Hotel Ballroom, 363 West 16th Street, 4 p.m.; Donna Karan, 711 Greenwich Street, 5 p.m. (all fashion shows by

invitation only); SELF ‘s Silver Anniversary, the SELF Center, 66 Morton Street, 6:30 p.m., by invitation only; “Vaginas Vote, Chicks Rock,” the Apollo Theater, 253 West 125th Street, 7:30 p.m., 212-307-7171;

The 24 Hour Plays on Broadway , American Airlines Theater, 227 West 42nd Street,

8 p.m., 212-868-4444.]

Tuesday 14th

It’s hard work wearing fancy shoes to all these shows and parties! Glamour magazine understands, and thus is offering a “Morning Tea and Touchups” at the Royalton hotel (read: free pampering) before you head out to face more filmy skirts and tops when all you really want is to buy some autumnal cashmere . Tapping into that-and no doubt hoping for a cool and rainy forecast- Banana Republic bucks the trend and shows their fall and holiday line. Smart! Ellen Tracy, Michael Kors and Marc by Marc Jacobs (really expensive instead of really, really expensive) all stay on program with spring . It’s surprising that people are still launching magazines, but heeeeeere comes another one: the very pretty Cottage Living -probably for folks who have cottages ( harrumph )-which celebrates its launch tonight at the place where the last Real World was filmed. (Is that show still on?) If you’re feeling literary and vaguely lustful, Playboy (does that magazine still publish?) celebrates contributor T.C. Boyle’s latest novel, The Inner Circle , tonight at Elaine’s . The book’s about the famous studies on sexuality conducted by Alfred Kinsey (who will soon be played by Liam Neeson in an unrelated film; brace for inevitable, interminable New York Times Arts section piece using the word Zeitgeist .). Said Playboy editorial director, Chris (“Jugs”) Napolitano, “Kinsey, as a figure, looms large in Playboy ‘s world. Mr. Boyle is able to take Kinsey’s statistics and put a little heart and soul into it. The human sex act really does come down to nonscientific emotions such as jealousy and love.” Yep, that’s why Hef gets to wear pajamas all day.

[ Glamour ‘s Morning Tea and Touchups,

Royalton, 44 West 44th Street, Penthouse A,

8 to 11 a.m., by invitation only; Banana

Republic fall and holiday collection, 675 Avenue of the Americas, sixth floor, 9 to 11 a.m; Ellen Tracy, Bryant Park, 9 a.m.; Michael Kors, Bryant Park, 10 a.m.; Marc by Marc Jacobs, Pier 54, Hudson River at 13th Street, 1 p.m. (all fashion shows by invitation only); Cottage Living launch party, 632 Hudson Street, 6 to 10 p.m., by invitation only; The Inner Circle launch party, Elaine’s, 1703 Second Avenue, 6 to 8 p.m., by invitation only.]

Wednesday 15th

Who misses the G.O.P.? We’re wrapping up Fashion Week, and more than a few folks must be regretting the complimentary champagne -not to mention that the washroom attendants are leaving with their pockets stuffed with bribes from fashion editors who used the stalls as their own personal diet plan …. If you can manage to drag yourself to one more event , check out the unveiling of the aforementioned SELF anniversary center: a custom-designed townhouse on Morton Street offering spa treatments, yoga classes, healthy cuisine, Botox treatments and foot facials-and open till Oct. 13. Note : It’s quite close to the Olsen twins’ apartment. We have no idea what this means, but surely it means something .

[ SELF Center, 66 Morton Street, 11:30 a.m. to 6 p.m., www.self.com.] Eight Day Week