The Launch of the Stripper Pole

AIMEE: Everyone will be relieved to know that my bridesmaid Jennie has retrieved the tea-length dress that was being held in the basement package room of her suburban Maryland apartment building.

I pick up the phone and she dives in: “Can you believe it was addressed to Jamie Folta in apartment 335 instead of Jennie Folta in apartment 335 and they couldn’t figure out that maybe it’s mine? So they were just going to keep it down there forever?!

“Anyway, I love the dress!” she says. “It’s such a cute length too! Yay!! I can’t wait to wear it.” Okay, every bride says hers is the bridesmaid dress you really can wear again so I will resist the urge to become a cliché regarding my black satin spaghetti strap A-line with a black ribbon sash (which only cost my girls $155 each–a steal!) But please refer to the evidence. When my bridesmaid Jenny L. in Florida received the dress, she called me leaving the following voice message: “Oh my god, I just got the dress and it’s adorable! Very sexy, Agresti! Thank you!” And then more seriously, “But I’ve gotta get to the gym for some upperbody work to wear this. I’m in the car on the way right now. And I have this event in March – is it bad luck to wear a bridesmaid dress before the wedding?” The ultimate praise! Thank you very much!

Back to Jennie F.. Dress mystery solved. But other more painful issues remain:

“Any news on the missing Kitchen Aid mixer?” I ask delicately. It’s a sore subject but we can’t live in denial.

Deep breath. “So Macy’s sent it out on December 9th and after about 3 billion calls to different places, we find out that our old building received it sometime in December!” (She moved literally across the street in November.) “Someone at the old building signed for it! Since someone signed for it, Macy’s says we have to prove we DIDN’T get it. How do you do that? Invite them over to show we DON’T have a mixer?”

“Ugh! So sad! And I guarantee there is someone in your old building right now making a cake.”

At work, the day brings some welcome levity. My friend Kate emerges from her office with what looks like a giant poster tube and makes her way into the bull pen of cubicles, planting herself in the aisle between my space and that of our pal Jen O. (Yes, another Jen. My universe is populated by all manner of Jennifers. I’ll draw up a glossary for quick reference in an upcoming post.) “This is a portable stripper pole!” Kate exclaims gleefully. And better yet, “we’re going to put it up right here! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Kate pulls out three segments of the pole which she attaches together. The spring loaded pole secures easily from floor to ceiling. It’s just adorable and perfect for the office.

– Aimee Agresti

The Launch of the Stripper Pole