Too Tight? Nooooo!


KARA: I strut into the dressmaker’s shop, my stomach sucked in, my posture erect, my hair freshly washed and my legs newly shaved. I’m ready for my first gown fitting.

My dress designer, “the Luscious AJ,” waves at me. “Hello, gorgeous!” he coos.

I smile back, flip my hair the way I imagine gorgeous people do and settle in with an old copy of Modern Bride while my mother goes off in search of mother-of-the bride apparel.

Filomena, AJ’s spirited assistant, hustles over to me smiling warmly. “Your dress is set. You said you’re a size four, right?” she asks, arching one eyebrow.

“That’s right! Size four!” I reply cheerfully, sucking in a bit harder.

“You say four, but I say more like a six,” she says. “Come.”

She hustles my mother and me into a dressing room and snaps the curtain shut, whispering “You’re going to love it.” I take a deep breath and plunge headfirst into layers of silk.

“You’re going to rip it!” my mom cries in terror.

“I can’t breathe!” I answer flapping around in the middle of the silk.

Several moments later, I emerge red-faced with the dress hanging perfectly against my frame. The braided bodice, the luminous silk, the graceful A-line. Gorgeous! AJ was right. My mother and I beam with pride. Bravo!

And then it falls to my knees. I stand before the mirror completely naked except for the very sexy control-top Hanes Her Way underwear I’m happily wearing. “Oh Kara, you really need to do something about that,” my mother murmurs in a distressed tone. I’m not sure what part of my anatomy she’s referring to.

“Can someone help me?” I call feebly. Instantly AJ is at my side.

“Sorry, I was just fitting a Prom girl!” he smiles broadly, scooping up his handiwork. “Nothing serious. You just need to be pinned!” I fold my hands across my chest trying to cover my breasts. After several minutes of pinning and zipping, AJ steps away and furrows his brow. “I’ll be right back,” he says.

This can’t be good. He returns with a petite woman who’s wielding a measuring tape and a skeptical expression. She takes one look at me and shakes her head.

“Too tight,” she says. Too Tight? Nooooo!