Microsoft Outlook Keels Over Dead, Do-Gooder Gates Gets 10% Dispensation


Yes, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but “Oh My God,” was all I could get out as I sat there staring at my computer screen blankly. My email program crashed. It had a heart-attack, followed by a stroke and then capped it off with an aneurism resulting in five years of saved emails, all in carefully notated folders, disappearing forever. Gone. Done.


Please, please, please, spare me your lectures on “backing things up.” I get it. I was dumb not to have saved everything somewhere, but excuse the hell out of me. I think it’s a little dumber that Microsoft freakin’ Outlook, without warning, becomes corrupted and dies when the storage limit goes above 2 gigs. No little pleasing tone comes up with a message reading: “please free up some space in your folders or your storage limit will be met” –just full on deadness. I called Apple, I called every computer expert friend I have (and shout outs to anyone else out there who this has happened to, because I know there are a lot of you!), but I’m just undeniably screwed.

All those sweet emails from the nice chick on the knot (yes there are one or two of them out there) who shared all of her DIY program ideas with me…gone. The email address of our too cool for school videographer…gone. My carefully saved “wedding friends and family mailing list”…dunzo. Every little scrap of wedding planning importance that I had been saving is now freakin’ gone.

So, of course there was nothing left for me to do but cry. Which I did for about four minutes.

Then I realized, hey…at least my email inbox is all cleaned up.

Bill Gates: glad to hear you’re dedicating your life to doing good in the world. This recent announcement helps me to hate you a full 10% less than I normally would at this moment.

P.S. If I owe emails out there to anyone important (like my good friend Justin from High School who recently got back in touch with me again or that sweet girl who emailed me for advice on starting her own business), I’m not ice-ing you…I just lost your email address. Write me again!

Microsoft Outlook Keels Over Dead,  Do-Gooder Gates Gets 10% Dispensation