Today, Vanity Fair‘s Jessica Coen exposes Transom reporter Spencer Morgan as the man who tried to kill her at Sundance by driving off a mountain. Yeah, he’ll do that. Fair enough! But to save face, The Transom’s boss must now reprint the text messages received that near-fateful eve which reveal Ms. Coen’s complicity in her near-death Utah experience.
(N.B. Yes, your trusty editor, always responsible, inquired as to actual alcohol intake and found it to be surely below .08%, Utah’s legal limit. For future reference in drinks-over-time equations, Spencer weighs about 175 pounds–Ms. Coen, oh, about half that.)
TheTransom: haha. DIE WITH SPENCER! AWESOME STORY!!!!!
JessicaCoen: Just might happen bc WE HAVE TO GO BACK DOWN. I think I might drive. Is it better to kill Spencer or be killed by him???
The Transom: BETTER TO KILL! Wait: have whoevers DRINKING LESS drive.
JessicaCoen: That’s me. Obvi.
The Transom: YOU DRIVE
JessicaCoen: he’s driving. pray.