SIR LANCE-A-LOT: Heavens to Betsy, thank goodness we’re in the home stretch of this cruel, godforsaken month. O.K.! The man you can blame for the yellow-rubber-bracelet thing, Tour de France winner and Matthew McConaughey B.F.F. Lance (“Got Dem Ants in My Pants!”) Armstrong, gets his spokes shined at the “Spirit of Jimmy V” gala at Chelsea Piers—Jimmy being Jimmy Valvano, the legendary N.C. State basketball coach. The spawn of Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley, Alexa Ray Joel, will sing for you. (We’d rather hear Alec Baldwin’s daughter do some mad rap, but you can’t always get what ya want!) Further north, at the 92nd Street Y, lit lads Jonathan Lethem and Nathan Englander put on their spring cashmeres to read and sign their books and then rock you gently to sleep. Mr. Englander’s new novel, The Ministry of Special Cases, involves “Argentina’s Dirty War.” Yes, please! And if you like what you see tonight, Mr. Englander has a fancy-pants soiree in his honor tomorrow night at the Chelsea home of agent Nicole Aragi. Do those finicky Foer fellows know about this? And rounding out tonight is a party for authors Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer, who have written the (inevitable) book, How “Sassy” Changed My Life: A Love Letter to the Greatest Teen Magazine of All Time. The party will take place at that early 00’s favorite, Lolita on the Lower East Side. Expect Lisa Loeb look-alikes. Scratch that: Expect Lisa Loeb.
[Spirit of Jimmy V Gala, Pier 60, Chelsea Piers, 6 p.m., www.jimmyv.org; Nathan Englander and Jonathan Lethem, 92 Street Y, 1395 Lexington Avenue, 8 p.m., www.92sty.org; Sassy-love book party, Lolita Bar, 266 Broome Street, 6 to 8 p.m., by invitation only.]