George and Hilly

HILLY: And the breathing thing with his cat—and I decided we needed to move. And I’ve been to probably 15 apartments. I’ve spent a lot of time looking for places and blah-blah-blah. George hasn’t come to see any of them. I discovered Roosevelt Island the other day! So today we were supposed to see a two-bedroom there, and it was all very exciting, but naturally, of course—I don’t know why I thought anything different would have happened—around mid-afternoon when I spoke with George, he wasn’t feeling up to going. So I went alone, looked at six apartments, alone, and found one that I think is perfect. It’s one subway ride away from Manhattan, yet it’s so quiet and you look out and see the water—seagulls perch on your windowsills! Two separate bedrooms—two separate bathrooms. He could wake up to the sound of the seagulls chirping on his windowsill and—

DR. SELMAN: That could be annoying, you know?

GEORGE: And it’s only $400 a month! No—it’s a lot more than we’re paying now. Which is kind of worrisome.

DR. SELMAN: But if you’ve been paying $250 a night for a hotel room—

HILLY: Exactly. And so many things are included. Phone, cable, health club, heated swimming pool, tennis, wireless, washer and dryer. It’s perfect, it’s fantastic, it’s amazing. They even have a valet service—you can have your shoes shined. I’m sure if you figured out the cost difference, we would only be spending a tiny fraction more.

GEORGE: The main thing is, I’ll have my own room, Hilly will have her own room, and the cat will have her own room.

DR. SELMAN: Are you going to have both your names on the lease?

GEORGE: Plus I’ll be able to sleep anywhere, and work. I have trouble working when Hilly is around.

HILLY: You’ll be able to work while looking at this magnificent view of the city—

GEORGE: O.K.—got the point. Can’t wait to see it. Looking forward to it.

HILLY: You have an appointment to see it Sunday night.

GEORGE: O.K.! So, last night, here’s what happened: I can’t go to sleep in my apartment anymore under any circumstances, even if I take Ambien. And what’s happened is, using these decongestants [GEORGE takes a snort from a Vicks inhaler] has made me more congested.

DR. SELMAN: You’re addicted to the decongestants.

GEORGE: Right, and all kinds of sprays. So last night at 1 a.m., I thought I’d get to the hotel early this time. It was the Comfort Inn—I’ve been staying at the Milburn on West 76th, but that’s like $270 a night. So I thought I’d try a cheaper place, the Comfort Inn. Kind of gross, but real nice lady at the front desk.

DR. SELMAN: I don’t get it. I thought you are stressed financially.

GEORGE: I am. We haven’t paid rent this month. So the lady at the front desk says, “Your wife just
called and said to hold the room.” You didn’t call her, right?

HILLY: No.

George and Hilly