Happy Hallo-whatever! Here’s what’s particularly scary about New York this year: massive global warming followed by chilling deep freeze; $35 dishes of pasta; and women cramming themselves into thick tights and those idiotic ankle booties! Eek! What’s sweatier than scary: the 34th Village Halloween Parade on Sixth Avenue—think plenty of body-slamming, eager N.Y.U. undergrads, plus 53 different bands, dancers, artists and thousands of gay New Yorkers in costumes of their own creation. Does it ever feel like this city is trying just a little too hard? If you’re fancy: Designer Roberto Cavalli, worn by women who think themselves “outrageous,” and wife Eva are co-hosting a party to be attended by our very favorite Royal (after naughty Prince Harry): Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson (hope she goes as a crumpet!); also hottest tsunami survivor Petra Nemcova. If you’re just not in the mood: Cousin-It-like late-80’s rocker Slash of Guns N’ Roses is way the f*ck out there on Long Island somewhere, flogging his new book, creatively titled Slash. Who says literature is dead?
[New York Village Halloween Parade, Sixth Avenue and Spring Street, 7 p.m. to 11 p.m., www.halloween-nyc.com/index.php; Roberto Cavalli and Eva Cavalli and Giuseppe Cipriani Halloween Party, Cipriani 42nd Street, 110 East 42nd Street, 9 p.m.; Slash, Book Revue, 313 New York Avenue, Huntington, New York, 7 p.m., 631-271-1442]