Hand us a Wellbutrin with that W-2! And if that doesn’t do the trick, the sozzled WASPs at the Junior League stagger to the rescue, inviting you—and “you” know who you are—to drown your sorrows and quell your quaking anxieties at a winter Scotch Tasting! (Maybe we’ll pull out that Ralph Lauren cable-knit sweater that grandma gave for Christmas!) Once you’re liquored up, you may as well head to the Viennese Opera Ball at the Waldorf, which, an invite informs us, takes place “under the patronage” of Mrs. Margit Fisher, the “wife of the Federal President of the Republic of Austria.” And that’s not all! Hold on to your Wiener schnitzel, because NBC newsman Chuck Scarborough hosts, joined by co-hosts Carol Alt and Stephen Baldwin! (Was Jared Leto busy?) Dress is “white tie and decorations” for men—do tattoos qualify as decorations?—and debutantes will be present and ripe for the pluckin’. Hand it to the Viennese for reminding us that there is an unending supply of independently wealthy, beautiful women who are 10 years younger than we are in this city. Double scotch for the lady, please!
[Junior League Scotch Tasting, the Astor House, 130 East 80th Street, 7 p.m., theastorhouse.org; Viennese Opera Ball to benefit CARE, Waldorf Astoria, 8 p.m., 212-207-6769]