If we can’t have great sex on Valentine’s Day, at least we can strike a blow against violence, right? Instead of spending the day grinding our teeth over our co-worker’s bursting harvest of perfect red roses while secretly hoping the skinny musician isn’t too poor to buy us a flower from the deli before passing out in front of Arrested Development DVD’s, we can channel that angst, sister girlfriends, and Eve Ensler’s V-Day charity is ready and willing to embrace your passion. The charity, which aims to end violence against women, celebrates its 10th anniversary with a gala at the Hammerstein Ballroom featuring Jane Fonda, Glenn Close, Brooke Shields, Kerry Washington, and Ms. Ensler herself, not to mention celebrity chefs cooking up pastries. E-mailed Ms. Washington: “I think women are our most important resource, and Eve’s commitment to end violence against women is vital to all of our lives. … It is always a gift when I have an opportunity to use my art in ways that benefit others.” If you still prefer venting to V-Daying, hot-foot it to the Helmsley Hotel and the “Anti-Valentine’s Day” throw-Down for the “recently dumped and disenchanted,” featuring 80’s breakup tunes and “an aphrodisiac buffet menu.” Bring condoms—and make sure he double-bags it. Or wait, this day just keeps getting better: Kathleen Turner—she of the most depressing anti-romance of all time, War of the Roses—speaks at the 92nd Street Y with former Planned Parenthood head honcho Gloria Feldt about her memoir, Send Yourself Roses, in which she reveals that Burt Reynolds is “nasty.” Then, for all you sane lonelies, pick up the pieces of your broken heart and cab it to the Carlyle for jazz vocalist Loston Harris’ late-night set and a scotch on the rocks. You might just wake up with Warren Beatty!
[V-Day Celebration, Hammerstein Ballroom, 311 West 34th Street, 6:30 p.m., 212-921-9070; Mindy’s at the Helmsley Hotel Anti-Valentine’s Day throw-down, 212 East 42nd Street, 7 p.m.; Kathleen Turner at the 92nd Street Y, 1395 Lexington Avenue, 8:15 p.m., www.92y.org; Loston Harris at the Carlyle, 35 East 76th Street, 10:45 p.m., 212-744-1600]