Tots to Watch: Here’s Heathcliff!

He wants to be a policeman when he grows up. Batman is his favorite human hero. He doesn’t approve of marriage.

One thing that must be said about Heathcliff is that he doesn’t go in for the baloney. If he doesn’t feel like answering a question, he says, “No,” or, “I don’t know.” If he feels passionately about something, he’ll let you know.

He doesn’t really like the Hamptons, though he does like camp. “You can do anything you want there.”

He likes flying on planes. He’s been to Los Angeles and Ireland and England, where his grandparents live. In the city he likes to go to museums, sometimes. He really likes the movie A Night at the Museum. His favorite thing to do in the city is watch TV. But he also likes the educational TV his parents make him watch. “Noggin!” he chirped.

Does he have a favorite teacher?

“Uh-oh,” he said. “I’m tired. Look! There’s lava on fire over there, and he’s shooting a laser at it.” He begins shooting with his green SPD guy.

He doesn’t think anyone in the city is from outer space. The Power Rangers protect us from that. “When the city’s in trouble, they come down and protect us,” he said. “When they’re in space, they can protect the planet.”

He said nothing makes him angry. His dad said that if I believed that, I’d believe anything. For this, Heathcliff pinched his daddy’s cheeks.

Does he think his dad is funny?

He looked down at his Veggie Tales juice cup. “This is not Elmo!” he said.

It was time to head to a New Yorkers for Children benefit cocktail party uptown. We piled into a silver SUV and started to drive.

“There’s K-Mart!” Heathcliff exclaimed. There was no K-Mart in sight, but Heathcliff knew it had to be near because we were passing Penn Station.

He sang another song by the Naked Brothers Band: “We kick, we punch, we throw a fit.”

He said he likes parties more than fashion shows.

“Parties. That’s right, but I like my party more,” he said. “Hey, do you know Bang is the same birthday as I am?” he asked his father. Bang is his nanny.

Then he turned to me.

“You’re 61,” he said.

At the party Heathcliff mugged with his daddy for a few pictures. Soon a bevy of young women were fawning over him.

Tots to Watch: Here’s Heathcliff!