Saturday, July 19th

Cash-strapped ‘creative types’ stranded in steamy, bedbug-infested Brooklyn for the summer go totally stir crazy (or is the patent just up on Wellbutrin?), as evidenced by Jess Winfield’s attempt to set a world record for Most Shakespeare Plays Performed Solo in Brooklyn in a Single Day by soliloquizing on the Ikea ferry, at B61 Bar, the Red Hook soccer fields and Freebird Books. We plan to be fast asleep throughout Mr. Winfield’s thrilling escapade, but we called him anyway. “I think not only would [Shakespeare] approve of the shameless publicity stunt, but he would probably outdrink me,” said Mr. Winfield. “There’s a rumor that Shakespeare—actually, he died young, he died when he was 44 or 46—the rumor is Ben Jonson came in to town, that he actually drank himself to death in a drinking match.” (That’s kind of what we want to do right now, too.) Moving on to greener, soggier pastures out East, Ralph Lauren model Nacho Figueras (nope, this is not an Adam Sandler film, folks) returns to the Bridgehampton polo fields to avenge his narrow loss in last year’s championship, as the C-list and Eurotrash get sloshed in the VIP tent. Later, we can’t wait to see what kind of madcap decorating mischief they’ve cooked up for this year’s Hampton Designer Showhouse! Make your way to Sagaponack on the eve of the house’s opening at a gala to benefit Southampton Hospital. The honorary chair is onetime Billy Joel decorator Mario Buatta. Finally (deep breath!), brace yourselves for the annual celebrity clusterhump that is Russell Simmons’ fund-raiser for New York City kiddies, the Art for Life Benefit, hosted at his East Hampton crib and themed “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (the bard is so hot this year). The host is chronically peppy Soledad O’Brien, with honorary chairs Grant Hill (a basketball player, last time we checked) and wife Tamia. All this hoopla will honor the annoyingly beautiful Christy Turlington Burns—current, temporary love of our future husband Ed Burns—and Hollywood producer Brett Ratner, among others. And they call this a vacation town?

[Jess Winfield’s “book crawl,” meet at Manhattan’s Pier 11 at 2 p.m.,; Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge, 849 Hayground Road, Water Mill, 4 p.m.,; Hamptons Designer Showhouse Opening Gala, 59 Farm Court, Sagaponack, 6 p.m., 631-537-0455; Art for Life Benefit, East Hampton Estate of Russell Simmons, 6 p.m., 212-254-6677] Saturday, July 19th