A billion monkeys

They say that if you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters for a billion years, one of them will write a Shakespearean play. Or maybe throw feces at each other — but then they'd look like a political campaign.

So, searching the web for the answer to the question: "What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney?" I found at least a billion sites that gave the same answer: Lipstick. LOL.

So, now that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has officially been anointed as Republican VP candidate Palin, it's time to figure out the actual differences between Palin and the current vice president.

First off, there are some slight similarities. For example, they both wear glasses. Although, she looks like the model in any LensCrafters ad, and Cheney looks like a mean high school principal. But that is where the similarity ends. The differences are vast.

First of all, Palin was vetted more by Charlie Gibson, than by McCain. Cheney was vetted, well … by Cheney.

When hunting, Palin shoots caribou and moose. When hunting, Cheney shoots friends and campaign contributors.

Palin was named "Miss Congeniality" in the Miss Alaska contest. In movie terms, that makes her Mary Poppins. Cheney is more like Darth Vader.

Palin does not know what the VP does everyday. Cheney, last year, said that the vice president was not part of the Executive Branch.

As governor, Palin has kept Alaska safe from attacks by both Canada and Russia. Cheney, on the other hand, initiated pre-emptive attacks on Iraq.

Under Miss Alaska pageant rules, if the 1984 Miss Alaska (Maryline Blackburn) cannot perform her duties for any reason, Palin must take her place. Under the 25th Amendment, if the president cannot perform his duties for any reason, I think Bush actually takes Cheney's place.

And finally, in her interview with ABC's Charlie Gibson, Palin did not seem to know what the Bush Doctrine is. And, of course, it was Cheney who developed the Bush Doctrine. So it goes.

Joey Novick is an attorney, professional stand-up comedian, professional keynote speaker, and a former 12 year Councilman in Flemington, NJ. From 1996-2000, he served as the County Chair of the Hunterdon County Democratic Committee. As a stand-up comedian and improv actor, Joey has appeared on MTV, Comedy Central, Rascal's Comedy Hour and One Life to Live, and most recently, with "Laughing Liberally". He has opened in concert and at comedy club dates for such comedy notables as Jerry Seinfeld, Robert Klein, Lewis Black, Rosie O'Donnell and Ray Romano. He is currently developing a one-man show about life, laughter and local government in the Garden State, tentatively entitled, "Trentoon".

His blog, NJPoliticsUnusual.com, has been informing NJ's political insiders for almost "two-thirds of a fiftieth of a century," and has recognized by Campaigns & Elections and SNJ Business People. The New York Times, AP Newswire, Washington Post, Newark Star-Ledger, ABC News and National Public Radio have all been kind enough to mention his work in comedy and politics every now and then. Joey appears monthly on News-12's "Power & Politics", sharing his keen insights on NJ's elected officials, and has chaired a panel on political humor for the New Jersey State League of Municipalities every year since 1995. He has taken his political humor on the road across the nation, appearing at state municipal league conferences in New York, Maine, Connecticut, Nevada, West Virginia, New Mexico, Colorado, Kentucky and Rhode Island; as well as at the National League of Cities Conference. His mother, Pearl, lives in Florida, plays canasta almost every day, and is very glad Joey visits her on a regular basis.


A billion monkeys