Anatomy of a Boring Trailer: Valkyrie

Tom Cruise’s next film, the Bryan Singer-directed Valkyrie, is the film version of a yo-yo diet. Originally set for release this past summer, it was moved to the Hollywood dead zone of February before finally settling on the release date of Dec. 26, presumably in an effort to get some "awards consideration." Though judging from the new and terrible trailer, the only thing Valkyrie might get considered for is a Razzie.

In the film, Mr. Cruise stars as a Nazi officer during World War II who plots with other like-minded Nazi’s, played by Kenneth Branagh, Tom Wilkinson and Terrence Stamp, to murder Adolph Hitler. Fine enough. But does the trailer have to make everything look so incredibly boring? This might be the most laborious trailer we’ve ever seen—its two-minute running time feels more like two hours!

While it has become almost cliché to bash on Mr. Cruise, we can’t help it. He looks ridiculous here, complete with an eye patch and an impeccable American accent, perhaps picked up in the Battle of the Bulge. (Isn’t he supposed to be a German officer?)

Forgetting Mr. Cruise’s flailing career for a second, it might finally be time to call for an intervention on Mr. Singer. Since The Usual Suspects, he hasn’t done one film worthy of real praise. When the only thing you can hang your hat on is X-Men and X-2, you probably need to find something better to do with your time. Or maybe you need a better agent.

Anatomy of a Boring Trailer: Valkyrie