Single Person’s Movie: Rocky Balboa

It’s 2 a.m. and you awake with a jerk, alone in your fully lit apartment and still on the couch. On TV, the credits of some movie you’ve already seen a billion times are scrolling by. It feels like rock bottom. And we know, because we’re just like you: single.

Need a movie to keep you company until you literally can’t keep your eyes open? Join us tonight when we pass out to Rocky Balboa (starting @ 11:30 on TMCXe – TWC 232)

Why we’ll try to stay up and watch it: There are two types of people in this life: those who love Rocky Balboa and those who do not. Consider us in the former category.

Basically, Sylvester Stallone decided to re-shoot the original Rocky, but with less pathos and more Botox and HGH. The results are super-cheesy, but also incredibly and hypnotically awesome. Though Rocky Balboa was only released two years ago, we’ve probably seen it five times. And since it’s basically just a remake of every other Rocky movie in existence, it feels like we’ve seen Rocky Balboa five hundred times.

There is something profoundly fascinating about a man confronting his own mortality; his own realization that he won’t live forever. Rocky Balboa, amazingly, deals with those very real issues, but with the intellect of a sixth grader, making it perfect for late-night viewing. Rocky is looking for one last chance, not at the title per se, but at relevance. And the film does a nice job of making Rocky’s return matter. By the end of the film, he’ll walk out of the ring to a chorus of cheers and flashbulbs.

Sadly, Rocky Balboa is less effective for Mr. Stallone. With his skin pulled so tight that it looks as if it could snap at any moment, the only thing Rocky Balboa recalls for Sly is a better and younger time in his life.

When we’ll probably fall asleep: It’s required that all sports movies have a big and inspirational speech and Rocky Balboa is glad to oblige. In fact, it has one of our absolute favorites. About 60 minutes in, at 12:30, Rocky will tell his son that life is about taking hits and moving forward. He’ll also slur something about sunshine and rainbows. We’ll cheer and clap, ready to attack the world. Then, we’ll pass out.

Single Person’s Movie: Rocky Balboa