Baste the tofurkey! and brace for invasive questions about when they can expect grandchildren or maybe you’re gay is that it, is that it? They would like to know, please, because after all you could still have kids, look at Rosie? But first! Search furtively for high-school pot stash; how else to watch Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? Meredith Vieira, Al Roker and strangely seductive square Matt Lauer host the 82nd incarnation of our mother’s favorite televised event of the year, featuring new floats like Horton the Elephant and Buzz Lightyear (again, if we’d just managed to procreate, we’d know.…) and the usual lineup of cheerful C-listers in fuzzy hats looking to resuscitate sagging careers: songstress Ashanti, country singer Trace Adkins (sample tune: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk), whichever coifed dope is Miss U.S.A. 2008, Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish, Vanity Fair provocatrice Miley Cyrus, James Taylor—you’re better than this, buddy—and Uno, the adorable Beagle who won the Westminster Dog Show and spent a few weeks gracing everyone’s desktop.… For those fortunate enough to be stranded in New York without a feisty uncle to harangue you for your liberal leanings, options include delectable, non-crowded feasts at places like the Little Owl (where you might bite into a Riesling Roast Turkey with fig and root vegetable dressing) and the East Village’s farm-focused Back Forty, where manager Michael Fuquay promised us “a whole roasted pumpkin with house-made mole quinoa and Mexican string cheese” or “grilled sea trout with cipolini onions, roasted parsnips and a port sauce.” “We had just opened Thanksgiving last year, so this is our first [Thanksgiving],” he said. “We’re a sister restaurant to Savoy, and Thanksgiving has always been a big thing over there. Something about restaurants that do warm and homey well speak to people for Thanksgiving.” Oh, it’s speakin’, all right.
[Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, 9 a.m., 212-494-4495; Back Forty, 190 Avenue B, 212-388-1990; Little Owl, 90 Bedford Street, 212-741-4695]