VSL:SCIENCE // VSL Exclusive: Scientist proves Santa exists!

Just when you’ve got the kids convinced that Santa really is real, they hit you with the difficult questions: How does he fit all those gifts in the sleigh? How does he fit down the chimney? And, of course, how does he hit those hundreds of millions of homes in a single night?

Enter North Carolina State University professor and NASA Mars team member Larry Silverberg, who obviously got tenure a while ago. According to the scientist, Santa employs a cellular data-collection system to collect wish-list info, uses highly sophisticated route-planning software, and exploits shortcuts in the space-time continuum to create “relativity clouds” — controllable domains that stretch time like a rubber band and allow him to run his entire route in a few hours. So keep this in mind when setting out the milk and cookies: Santa does not come down the chimney — he slips in through a wormhole.

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