Congress is debating President Obama's $825 billion stimulus package to generate millions of jobs, fix the nation's crumbling infrastructure, make buildings more energy efficient, provide aid to states and cities, halt global warming, and in the final analysis create a Kingdom of God on earth.
However, Team Obama, comprised of some of the greatest minds in economics and finance, has failed to propose the ultimate fiscal stimulus package that would create very good paying jobs and pump billions into the inner cities and rural America, boost the auto industry and dozens of other retail sectors, and do so immediately without the lag time of conventional government spending.
To the backdrop of the enormously popular 1929 tune, "Happy Days are Here Again," which was FDR's 1932 presidential campaign song, President Obama should announce tomorrow evening, even tonight–because the economy cannot wait another minute for passage of the stimulus package-a bold plan, namely, that the federal government will send hundreds of billions to the nation's drug dealers to stimulate the economy. These grants would eliminate all the bureaucratic red tape that currently hampers the government's mighty efforts to direct money where it is needed the most.
Before you roll on the floor laughing, this proposal is consistent with the view that spending is the key to stimulating the economy. Inasmuch as consumer spending constitutes 70% of the Gross Domestic Product (GDP), what better way to "goose" the economy than to put money in the hands of the group that will do the most to stimulate economic activity?
Think of all the Hummers, Escalades, Excursions, Tahoes, BMWs, Porches, vans, etc., expensive clothes, tons of bling, diamonds and every precious stone imaginable, restaurant meals, huge plasma TVs, high end stereo equipment, every conceivable gift for their babes, furniture for their apartments or houses, and all sorts of firearms, that would have been purchased from day one of the economic crisis last year if the federal government had sent checks to drug dealers instead of Detroit and Wall Street.
With hundreds of billions at their disposal drug kingpins would hire the unemployed and underemployed youth and adults in cities, suburbs, and rural areas, who would work in security, finance, accounting, marketing, and, yes, bribing-they would learn quickly whose palms they would have to grease in order for the supply of goods to make it to their distribution facilities. The unemployment rate would not be seven percent today if the federal government had been bold in 2008. Instead, we are now paying the price of the federal government's inaction. What a shame!
The proponents of Obama's stimulus package assert that one dollar of spending will lead to more than one dollar in economic benefits. They claim that the "multiplier" effect is so great that we will solve so many economic and social ills because of Obama's stimulus package, and that the sooner nearly one trillion of federal dollars starts flowing to American companies, state and local governments and the American people, the sooner the recession will end and happy days will be here again.
You cannot argue with that logic. Government spending is a powerful a tonic for the economy. Just look at New Jersey's economy for the last ten years or so. State and local spending have skyrocketed and the benefits have flowed to construction companies and their employees who built schools in the Abbot districts and in the suburbs. Dollars from Trenton have flowed to local politicos and school districts as well as their allies in law firms, accounting firms, etc. These contractors and workers have stimulated the New Jersey by spending billions, and they also have benefitted economies as far away as Florida as New Jerseyans built or bought homes to establish residence in no income tax or low property tax states. In short, the wise politicos in Trenton have also stimulated the economies of other states by their foresighted spending and tax polices.
According to my econometric analysis, the impact of a three hundred billion, seven hundred million, six hundred thousand dollars and thirty three cents of federal grants to drug dealers will have a multiplier effect three times (that‘s not a misprint) that of the president's conventional plan. And it will cost hundreds of billions of dollars less to boot!
In fact, my data show that federal grants to drug dealers would eliminate the huge inventory of big SUVs in three months, while lower priced sedans, compact vehicles, and sporty two door autos, would be purchased by the hundreds of thousands of employees of the drug trade and other members of the community who provide goods and services to this sector. In addition, housing inventories would plunge stabilizing home prices and setting the stage for another real estate boom, jewelry store sales would boom and the retail sector would get a "real shot in the arm,", and idle youths across America would get very good paying jobs in their communities.
Under my plan, the Drug Dealer Ultimate Money Bonanza (DDUMB) should be embraced by both Democrats and Republicans in the bipartisan spirit that President Obama has brought to the White House. Former President Bush and President Obama have convinced us that government is the solution, not the problem to our economic ills. The evidence is overwhelming: Just look at the Soviet Union, (oops, it no longer exists, chuck that), look at Cuba, look at North Korea, and look at Iceland and England. And don't forget to look at the welfare states of Europe, paragons of prosperity because their governments spend and spend and print money. Big government is an unqualified success.
President Obama, don't listen to the fuddie duddies who want balanced federal budgets and much less spending, a banking system based on 100% reserves for demand deposits and real savings to provide capital for lending, a gold backed dollar that would eliminate inflation, deflation, and widespread unemployment, and an end to the welfare-warfare state that they claim is bankrupting America. How gauche! Don't listen to so-called fiscal conservatives. Your agenda and the Federal Reserve's policies under chairman Ben Bernanke are just what we need to make all Americans wealthy beyond their wildest expectations.
I cannot wait until my salary is trillions of dollars, just like the people of Zimbabwe who are paid at least one hundred trillion Zimbabwe dollars a week. President Mugabe really knows how to make the Zimbabwe people rich. I cannot wait to see my bi-weekly direct deposit have so many zeros on it. The federal government is doing its best to make every American a zillionaire. Mr. President, don't be timid. Spend like crazy and print U.S. dollars nonstop. You are music to Paul Krugman's ears who wants you to spend trillions. But you don't have to spend that much to stimulate the economy. I guarantee it. Just implement DDUMB.
