Our issues with Hollywood’s current obsession over 3-D have been well documented this week. The short of it is: it stinks! Watching Monday’s dimensionally enhanced episode of Chuck was like doing our taxes–arduous, exhausting, unfulfilling, and, by the end of it, our eyes were burning. How is that fun again? Why anyone would want to watch an actual movie in 3-D is beyond our comprehension at this point; if we wanted to see things in three dimensions, we’d just look around our apartment. And yet! James Cameron’s 3-D experience, Avatar, might have us whistling a new tune by the end of the year. Total Film was kind enough to post an exclusive feature about the upcoming film, featuring new quotes from the former King of the World and the results are alternatively awe-inspiring and bananas. When Academy Award-winner Steven Soderbergh says “there’s going to be before that movie, and after” and “the shit I saw was crazy”, we stand up and take notice.
So what is Avatar, besides the first narrative movie Mr. Cameron has directed since Titanic? (Not counting Aquaman, obviously.) It’s a science-fiction epic that features a paraplegic ex-Marine, ten-foot tall aliens, and, a massive war to end all wars between said aliens and the human race. Basically it’s Mr. Cameron’s Aliens. Future It Boy Sam Worthington stars as the ex-Marine, while Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez and Zoe Saldana makes appearances as well. Unfortunately Giovanni Ribisi is along for the ride too–we happened to catch Boiler Room over the weekend and we’re now convinced that no actor is worse at his or her profession than Mr. Ribisi–but fingers crossed his role is negligible or his character gets killed in the first reel.
According to Mr. Cameron, Avatar will make audiences “truly experience something” while allowing them to “see stuff [they’ve] never imagined.” Umm, okay! If it all sounds trippy, that’s because it truly might be. Short of giving out a hallucinogen at the concession stand, we can’t imagine how it will actually work. Surely we won’t be watching Avatar through red and blue lenses made of cellophane, right? There has to be more to it; maybe each viewer will be required to purchase full-fledged virtual reality goggles. For those of you waiting for society to catch up to Demolition Man, your wait might be over.
But regardless of how we’re going to watch it, make no mistake–we are going to watch it. Even if the physics don’t make a lick of sense to us, Avatar is something we’re all going to have to see. Listen, if the future of cinema is going to consist of watching ten-foot tall aliens walk off the screen for a stroll around the theater, then buy us a ticket and some popcorn.