Wednesday, May 13
Another year, another Met Gala at which Gisele is much skinnier than us. Say, is it summer vacation yet? The indefatigable dames who lunch and attend store openings with the help of a full-time staff of six will not stop until Memorial Day, thank you, when the ones who weren’t invested with Mr. Madoff fly their helicopters east to start the circus all over again! Is anyone else’s blowout feeling a little soggy? After the past weeks’ model-infested fashion and art bashes, it’s time to quiet things down with a lil’ ballet, meaning everyone’s legs will be fully covered by Oscar de la Renta and most will go home early to relieve the nanny! The New York City Ballet Spring Gala at the David H. Koch Theater (does he feel slightly sheepish walking by that big ole sign? Nope, we wouldn’t either!) is chaired by media power-couple Lesley Stahl and Aaron Latham, among others, who will be treated to bulging thighs in tights leaping around on the stage. (Where do we sign up for this?) Meanwhile, recently William Morris–ized super-agent Ari Gold, oops, Emanuel, a co-founder of Endeavor, gives a lecture at Friends Seminary sponsored by NYC Parents in Action (surely a collective of calm, reasonable people!) about his early struggles with ADHD … after which he will probably face questions about what kind of organic fruit the Obama kids prefer, since, you know, Mr. Emanuel’s brother works for the government.
[New York City Ballet Spring Gala, David H. Koch Theater, Lincoln Center, 5:30 p.m., 212-870-5585; Ari Emanuel at Friends Seminary, 222 East 16th Street, 5 p.m., email@example.com]
Thursday, May 14
“The best headdresses are always the biggest ones, the ones that take over the entire room,” said James Aguiar, of Full Frontal Fashion, who is hosting this evening’s sedate (ha!) Tulips & Pansies: A Headdress Affair, at the Edison Ballroom, involving floral headpieces designed by Tory Burch, Thierry Mugler, Lilly Pulitzer, Chado Ralph Rucci and Pamella Roland, for the benefit of Village Care of New York. “I work in fashion, I cover the fashion shows all over the world and I have never seen things like what I have seen for this event,” said Mr. Aguiar. “Betsey Johnson always goes over the top, Libertine does amazing things. … People use a lot of feathers. And they may enhance with glitter and rhinestones. One year one of the drag queens did an entire outfit out of pussy willows!” Later, the Doe Fund—a nonprofit that attempts to break cycles of poverty and alcoholism—hosts a celebrity DJ series attracting downtown types like model Gemma Ward, designer Richie Rich, socialite and City bitch Olivia Palermo, deposed Whitney Port boyfriend Jay Lyon, socialite Byrdie Bell and Christian Siriano of Project Runway. “I’m going because one of my yet-to-be-realized fantasies is to be the filling in a super-fierce Christian Siriano/Gemma Ward sandwich,” said comely committee member and InStyle editor Megan Deem. Finally, eight members of that intractable breed, Brooklyn writer-mothers—including Jenny Offill, Beth Harpaz, Sophia Romero and Amy Sohn—alight from their brownstones for the so-called Third Annual Edgy Mothers Reading in Park Slope, further driving subway cars filled with terrified young Brooklynites back under the East River to look for rentals in Manhattan.
[Tulips & Pansies: A Headdress Affair, Edison Ballroom, 240 West 47th Street, 7 p.m., 212-337-5743; the Doe Fund Celebrity DJ Series, Angel Orensanz Foundation, 172 Norfolk Street, 7:30 p.m., http://www.doe.org/dj; Third Annual Edgy Mothers Reading: Tales of Motherhood Without Sanctimony, Old Stone House, Fifth Avenue between Third and Fourth Streets, Park Slope, 7:30 p.m., 718-768-3195]
Friday, May 15
Ooops! Turn this subway car around, sir! Just when we thought we might like to unpack our houseplants in Manhattan, n + 1 sponsors a panel at the New Museum downtown about the ’90s and “how we are being shaped by them,” according to a fascinating press release. Probing this question will be Kurt Cobain biographer Michael Azerrad, n + 1 co-editor Mark Greif, New York Times Magazine pin-up girl Emily Gould and How Sassy Changed My Life author Marisa Meltzer. Can we just agree we all spent the ’90s watching Saved by the Bell and call it a night?
[The ’90s vs. the ’90s at the New Museum, 235 Bowery, 7 p.m., 212-219-1222]
Saturday, May 16
Giant puppets in a graveyard? Umm, yikes! Inscrutable Green-Wood Cemetery, the most attention-seeking burial ground around, hosts an outdoor afternoon event celebrating the coming—and going, and coming, and going—of spring, featuring giant puppets—just the thing to help the kids get over any qualms about graveyards, surely! On second thought, are we sure this isn’t a Christo and Jeanne-Claude art installation?
[Green-Wood Awakening: Giant Puppets Tell All! Green-Wood Cemetery, Fifth Avenue at 25th Street, Brooklyn, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., 800-838-3006]