MTV Movie Awards: Andy Samberg Shines, Robert Pattinson Bores and Sasha Baron Cohen Teabags… Eminem?

Because we have an aversion to all things LC, we haven’t turned to MTV in quite a while. However, with the MTV Movie Awards airing last night, what better time to make an exception? And folks, what an eye-opener! At first we thought commercials for shows like 16 and Pregnant, Paris Hilton’s My BFF and Is She Really Going Out With Him? were part of some sort of meta skit purported by Movie Awards host Andy Samberg. But no! They’re real. In fact, that Paris Hilton show is actually in a second season. While our minds recover from this frightening realization, here are some observations from last night’s mostly bananas MTV Movie Awards. (We hope you bet heavy on Twilight!)

Andy Samberg: The “Best Intro-er of People Intro-ing Things Ever!”

This just in: Andy Samberg is really funny! As host, the Saturday Night Live star pulled out every tool from his bag of comedy tricks—a Rolodex of famous friends, pre-produced bits, musical parodies, a predilection for the word “dick”—and matched that with a perfect blend of “happy to be there” charm and “this is the stupidest thing ever” snark. (At one point he told the crowd, with the utmost amount of faux-sincerity: “This is our Woodstock, guys!”) Well done! Now if the Oscars could only figure out a way to have him and Justin Timberlake share hosting duties in 2010, we could be on to something.

Irrelevance-Off: Eminem Versus Bruno!

Party like it’s 2005? Whether or not the semi-teabagging stunt that Sasha Baron Cohen (as his alter-ego, Bruno) pulled on Eminem was real or not—for the record, despite the protestations of Ryan Seacrest, cast our vote for “not real,” if only because the camera angles were too perfect—we couldn’t get past the notion that the buzz surrounding these two lightning rod performers has seriously worn off. A tip: When the subversive becomes the expected, it ceases to be subversive. As for the incident, we sure hope one of the parties involved clears up what happened on his MySpace page.

A Tale of Two ‘Tween Heartthrobs: Robert Pattinson & Zac Efron!

Obviously, for girls of all ages, a large part of Robert Pattinson’s appeal is his brooding nature. But while receiving his many awards—Best Kiss, Best Breakthrough Male and perhaps even Best Hairline, though we can’t be sure—the Twilight star came off like a supreme jackass: aloof, humorless and utterly devoid of charm; he’s one-note. Contrast that with Zac Efron, who gave a very genuine and heartfelt speech while accepting his award for Best Male Performance, and, later, killed as part of a hilarious tribute to Ben Stiller that also featured Kiefer Sutherland and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Mr. Efron is hella talented and he can dance. We’d like to see Robert Pattinson do that!

MTV Movie Awards: Andy Samberg Shines, Robert Pattinson Bores and Sasha Baron Cohen Teabags… Eminem?