Is That Matthew Perry on The Bachelorette? Plus, Julie Christie at Her Finest and Charlie Sheen as a High School Dreamboat

Monday: The Bachelorette

We justify watching this show by pretending to be engaged in a sociological experiment: Why is it just so much more weird and squirmy when it’s the woman who has to choose from a bunch of dudes as opposed to some blockhead picking among a gaggle of silicone? We haven’t figured it out yet, but tonight should be interesting as bachelorette Jillian Harris takes her final three men to Hawaii— Reid, who we totally have a crush on and looks remarkably like Matt Perry; Kiptyn, who has a silly name and weird parents; and hunky Ed, who has the banged-up visage of Clive Owen but in a totally Midwestern way. Tonight, one of the gents has a little trouble in the bedroom, if you know what we mean (and we know you do!). Wow, ABC—you really are a bunch of evil geniuses. [ABC, 8 p.m.]

Tuesday: The English Patient

Remember just how intensely people felt about this movie?  If not, take a trip back to 1996 and the romance that is The English Patient. The 1996 film, directed by Anthony Minghella, stars Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas as doomed passionate lovers, with Colin Firth as the cuckolded husband (can you imagine such a thing?), Williem Defoe as yet another slightly creepy guy and pretty Juliette Binoche who has an affair with … Sayid from Lost! (Naveen Andrews). [FLIXe, 2:05 a.m.]

Wednesday: Starter For 10

Here’s a fun little romantic comedy you probably haven’t seen: Starter For 10, set in 1985 Thatcher-heavy England, is about a young man (pre-Atonement James McAvoy) who goes to the University of Bristol and tries to get in and win the college quiz show “University Challenge.”  A love triangle develops, with Vicky Cristina Barcelona’s Rebecca Hall and blonde-to-watch Alice Eve. The best part about all of this is the movie’s soundtrack, which boasts tunes from the Cure, New Order, the Buzzcocks, The Smiths, and just about anything else moody and melancholy. Wheeee! [3:30 p.m. MOMAXe]

Thursday: Away From Her

Here’s the winner of the movie-that-made-us-cry-the-hardest-in-2007 award! Away From Her, directed by the young and totally awesome Sarah Polley, is based on the soul-crushing Alice Munro short story “The Bear Comes Over the Mountain,” about a couple who have been married for 44 years when one starts showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s. It’s a totally grown-up movie that examines what fidelity, devotion and love look like from the end of the journey rather than the start, and both the luminous Julie Christie and gruff Gordon Pinsent couldn’t be better. [TMCe, 2 p.m.]

Friday: Lucas

Ah, Lucas. This 1986 film left a pretty strong impression on our young mind about how love looks (answer: Charlie Sheen in a football uniform). The film stars Corey Haim as the title character—a hopeless nerd in love with his pretty red-headed friend (Kerri Green, where is she these days, anyway?) who in turn loves the captain of the football team (honestly, the best Mr. Sheen has ever looked). Look out for Melrose Place’s Courtney Thorne-Smith as a bitchy senior, and a very young Winona Ryder making her film debut. Best of all, Jeremy Piven shows up and he has hair! [AMC, 10:30 a.m.]

  Is That Matthew Perry on The Bachelorette? Plus, Julie Christie at Her Finest and Charlie Sheen as a High School Dreamboat