It’s not television. It’s New Jersey.

The new fall television season is upon us. And with so many cable stations on local systems from Cape May to Bergen and back again, it’s time for New Jersey have its own network that truly reflects the Garden State.

Get ready this fall for a new station—WJRZ-TV. Follows is a typical line-up of weeknight programming of Must-See Jersey:

8:00: “That’s My Mayor!” – This wacky sitcom features a not-so-honest mayor with a wife, college-age daughter and teenage son. A friendly postman comes by every day with the mail, but half of the envelopes have no return address or stamp. A suspicious FBI agent lives next door, but can never seem to catch the mayor doing something wrong! The pilot episode features a guest appearance by Solomon Dwek who delivers the mayor a kidney in a beach cooler that is intended for an important constituent. Hilarity ensues when the daughter goes down the Shore for the weekend—–and takes the wrong cooler!! When the transplant doctor finds a 12-pack of Bud Light and a bottle of Jagermeister, everyone gets in the mayor’s car to try to find his daughter somewhere near Long Beach Island. With not a moment to spare, the doctor performs the transplant, and when the constituent wakes up, he says the series’ catchphrase, “That’s my mayor!”

8:30: “You’ve Been Bribed!” – This Candid Camera-esque show features our actors posing as developers meeting in restaurants with real, unsuspecting politicians. In episode one, one of our “developers” tries to bribe a certain Hoboken councilman to approve a big project, but instead of a white envelope, the developer puts his large piggy bank filled with nickels and pennies on the table. Hilarious? You bet! Next up, our developer is willing to give $50,000, but only wants the Pledge of Allegiance recited at the beginning of the Manalapan council meeting, with his name mentioned instead of God’s. Hysterical? We think so, too! And just when the elected officials think they’re getting away with it, our restaurant filled with actors yell the giveaway line, “You’ve been bribed!”

9:00: “Real Housewives: the Early Years” – Our own ‘90210’ show as a dramatic representation of the lives of the five real housewives of New Jersey when they all attended the same high school in Franklin Lakes. We find out when they started planning their palatial homes, how Danielle lost her virginity the first ten times, their first trip to the mall, and the first time they saw Bruce at the Stone Pony.

9:30: “The Amazing Race: Garden State”. Twenty-one teams of two people each –one team from each of NJ’s counties—-race around the state in intense competition. Contestants strive to arrive first at “pit stops” around the State to win prizes and to avoid coming last, which carries the penalty of having your property taxes raised. Completing such tasks as getting to the Jersey Shore using only local roads, finding a parking spot in Newark, and shopping at a mall are on the agenda. Contestants travel to and within multiple counties in a variety of transportation modes, including planes, hot air balloons, taxis, NJ Transit buses, boats, and by foot. The clues in each leg point takes the teams to the next destination or direct them to perform a task, either together or by a single member. These challenges are related in some manner to the county or town where they are located. Teams are progressively eliminated until three are left; at that point, the team that arrives first in the final leg is awarded a grand prize of $1 million in tax rebates.

10:00: “Big Brother: Shore Enough” – All the former governors of New Jersey are locked in a beach house in Wildwood, where cameras in all of the rooms capture the tension that comes from a group of chief executives with lots of time of their hands.In the first episode, Jim Florio tries to raise the price of the house’s toilet paper on the others; Donnie D. and Dick Codey are teased mercilessly as just being ‘acting’ governors; Jim McGreevey breaks his leg on a ‘long walk on the beach’; and Christie Whitman and Tom Kean lament over the demise of sensible members of the Party of Lincoln. John Farmer stops for a minute or two.

10:30: “Without a Trace: What are We Misssing?” – Each week, this documentary style show explores another ‘missing’ mystery of New Jersey: The circulation of daily newspapers; Democrats in Hunterdon County; rational moderate Republicans running for State-wide office; teams with a NJ logo on their Jersey.

11:00: “Iron Diner Chef” –Up & coming line cooks will compete one-on-one against some of the best head chefs at New Jersey’s finest diners. Instead of being given just one ingredient for which to base ten different meals, each of the chefs will have to make 40 various meals off a ten-page menu in just 15 minutes.

Call Comcast today!

It’s not television. It’s New Jersey.