Gossip Girl Returns on Horseback!

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For most teen shows, the transition between high school and college is the beginning of the end—the death rattle before inevitable cancelation. For Gossip Girl, however, it appears nothing will change at all. Think about it: has a show about high schoolers-turned-undergrads ever cared less about featuring its characters in class? We can count on one hand the amount of school-based subplots on Gossip Girl over the past two seasons, and most of them have to do with scandal; must we remind you about Dan having sex with his teacher backstage at the school play? So it’s with great pleasure that we can report season three of Gossip Girl—which premiered last night—picks up right where you would expect it to: with our favorite Upper East Side teens looking pretty, having sex and acting way too grown-up. Here are three observations from the season premiere.

Dan and Rufus share a barber and a bankroll!

Remember when Rufus wouldn’t take Lily’s money to help pay for Dan to go to Yale? Well he doesn’t! The former Brooklynite is now firmly ensconced in the upper crust, bragging about how he didn’t have to break into the family emergency fund while enjoying a breakfast that would, as Dan put it, “make the Four Seasons look like One Season.” That the Humphrey part of the Humphrey-Van Der Woodsen clan is now flush with cash is sure to be one of the main sources of conflict on Gossip Girl this season—Dan and Vanessa are already fighting—but don’t get too comfortable seeing triple-digit haircuts and Dior suits. Since Rufus never got rid of his apartment, we’re sure something will cause a rift between the families before long. Otherwise, why save the set?

Blair and Chuck are so boring!

The will-they-or-won’t-they Blair and Chuck tete-a-tete that dominated so much of season two finally came to triumphant head in the season finale—and we rejoiced because we just want those two crazy kids to make it! But now, it just seems like a bad idea if the only thing Gossip Girl plans on having Blair and Chuck do is play not-so-elaborate roleplay sexual fantasies and talk about how they just want to make the other person happy. Snooze! Where is the passion? Where is the spark? Where are the headbands!? Hopefully that gay kiss between Chuck and some handsome beau will set things in better motion.

Serena is still an idiot!

We like to think we’re pretty intelligent and even we had a hard time trying to parse what Serena was actually doing. It turns out all her antics for the paparazzi had to do with her trying to get her father’s attention—here’s still hoping that James Spader winds up being her estranged dad. Right. Because seeing the daughter you abandoned blow a line of coke off some soccer player’s abs in OK! is just the type of thing that will make you want to contact her again. Oh, Serena! You poor misguided girl. Kudos, however, to the show for placing her at the middle of the most ridiculous moment in three seasons: an escape from suffocating paparazzi on horseback (!) while at a polo match (!!). Will wonders never cease?

Gossip Girl Returns on Horseback!