Who’s This Boss?

moon walkLooking for good column ideas is sometimes like finding a needle in a haystack. Sometimes it takes hours to find one. And sometimes you just sit right on the needle.

It is quite amazing who you run into in New York City these days in parking lots. Specifically, on the 3rd floor of the New Garden Parking Lot on West 30th Street. I met New Jersey’s own, —This Boss. This is a guy who was born to run. Again, and again and again. He has run for President, and was Born in The USA. But the only thing Dancing in The Dark with This Boss is his brain. Nope, This Boss is Jeff Boss, thrice a candidate in New Jersey —for President, Senator and this year, governor. This Boss I ran into at the New Garden Parking Lot on West 30th Street. My good luck—I needed a good idea for a column. Not The Boss, but This Boss.

In 2008, This Boss ran simultaneously for president and Senator in the New Jersey primary. The Democratic Primary, I am oh so proud to say. And in 2009, This Boss ran for governor, garnering 16,071 votes—about 8% of the vote. Quite a constituency, me thinks. People who think just like This Boss, I fear.

This Boss even carried with him photocopies of two ballots: One from 2008, showing his presidential/senatorial runs; and one from this year, showing a better ballot position than all the other candidates. I kid you not.

This Boss seems like a nice guy when you first meet him. But after about a minute or so, he seems like the kind of guy who inhaled too much paint thinner when working on his house.

He handed me a flyer (one of many he carried with him apparently) with the headline “I WITNESSED NSA ARRANGE 911”. The flyer was all in solid “block quotes”, with different fonts, all different sizes. Sentences and words are all repeated, with lots of typos. Rantings about Russia, and communism, how his website is being controlled by the NSA, and how the Star-Ledger and the Bergen Record refused to run his campaign ads. Hey, if they’re turning down this guy’s cash, newspapers cannot be in too bad financial shape.

When he spoke to me, he had that Seinfeldian ‘close talker’ thing going for him. He also seemed to never blink, and have his eyes wide open. Classic profile of a conspiratorial theorist, perhaps.

When I asked him how he “witnessed the NSA arrange 9/11”, he told me that his sister-in-law who worked at NSA told him at a family wedding. No, really.

Anyway, the point of all this? This Boss is running for Congress in 2010. And he promises to “LOWER PROPERTY TAXES, FREE COLLEGE, AMNESTY WITH GREEN CARDS AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARDS, SECURE THE BORDERS. EXTEND THE LIGHT RAIL DOWN BERGENLINE AVE AND KENNEDY BLVD FROM NORTH BERGEN TO BAYONNE USING FEDERAL GRANTS, LEGALIZE SPORTS BETTING, LOWER CAR INSURANCE 3O%.”

Which district is he running in? He failed to tell me. Anyway, with 8% of the vote statewide, I am sure he will find support in a congressional district somewhere. Remember, roughly one-third of people polled recently believe in ghosts and UFOs; George W. Bush had a 31% approval rating when he left office. And nearly one out of eight question whether Neil Armstrong actually walked on the Moon.

So, from these people I am sure This Boss will find at least the same 8% in some district. Just hope it’s Scott Garrett’s.

Who’s This Boss?