We Need Sanctity of Marriage Boards

There has been a lot of talk about putting the issue of marriage equality on the ballot in New Jersey.

This is something that Assemblywoman Alison Littell McHose , Senator-Elect Michael Doherty, and Assemblyman Michael Patrick King would like to see. “Let the people decide,” they say.

If the Republicans want this issue on the ballot in New Jersey, then I think we need some ground rules on just who should be allowed to vote.

Of course, divorced people should be taken off the voter rolls. If they can’t maintain the sanctity of their own marriage, who are they to determine the sanctity of other marriages? DONE.

I’d also disqualify anyone who committed adultery or any couple living together in sin. GONE.

Additionally, if anyone is over 45 who has never been married —-they should not be allowed to vote. If they can’t commit by then, are they really committed to America? BUH-BYE.

While we’re at it, if Republicans want this done on a state by state basis nationally, perhaps we should have the vote done in NJ on a county by county basis. Maybe even on a town by town basis. After all, if we’re trying to protect the institution of marriage, and we’re letting people vote on it, maybe we should put weddings up for a vote, or at least before local officials who are surely committed to protecting the sanctity of marriage in their own towns. Maybe we need —in addition to Planning Boards, School Boards, Fire Districts, and Borough Councils —-a Sanctity of Marriage Board.

The Sanctity of Marriage Board. An elected group of pious and committed community minded folks who can decided who should marry, and who should not. What’s another level of government bureaucracy in state with 566 municipalities?

Currently, a couple shows up to city hall and applies for a wedding license. All very clerical and merely ministerial.

But maybe it would be better for the happy couple to appear before the Sanctity of Marriage Board and prove to the duly elected leaders of the community that each of them are committed to the institution of marriage. They could have witnesses too! Maybe the bride’s mother pleading with the Board for their approval, or a jilted boyfriend seeking a denial in order to get a second chance with the bride.

It’s all quite clear to me now.

Imagine the election campaigns for the coveted spots on the Sanctity of Marriage Board? An SMB incumbent walking door-to-door campaigning for votes might hear comments like, “Our property taxes have gone down, and I do like the additional trash pick-up day, but how could you let that nice college girl from the Feldman family marry that dirt-bag from the Zansky clan?”

Or, “I set my sister up with a doctor. A doctor! And you voted against their wedding. And now, she’s living by herself in an apartment with twenty cats! You lost my vote, pal!”

Of course, this is all quite reasonable because marriage is too important an institution to be simply left to adults making private decisions about their own future.

Marriage is a sacred institution, so sacred, that it must be put up for a vote.
We Need Sanctity of Marriage Boards